Category: goals (Page 2 of 3)

Homeostasis

I read on some crunchy, loosely tied to science, blog that our bodies function in a way that craves the things which continue us on our current state. (Defense: I googled homeostasis and the definition that came up validated these claims. Those crunchy, loosely-tied-to-science people are on to something.)

For example, if you’ve indulged in a BK Chicken Sandwich for dinner a few nights in a row, then whatever the greasy pretend-chicken does to our internal organs, our bodies respond with, “okay, to get more of this, I need more greasy pretend-chicken.” (Full disclosure: the BK Chicken Sandwich was my go-to indulgence when I was pregnant. When everything sounded yucky, the BKCS made my mouth water. It’s my favorite grossest thing ever.)

This rule would help explain the 2-beer rule. Someone once told me that his options were either to stop at 2 beers or give in to the fact that he would be drinking all night. Self-control after 2 beers diminished, and I contribute this to the above mentioned Homeostasis Rule. Your drunken body continues to crave more of what has made it drunken.

Looking at the world through this lens explains my weird sister when she says “I crave a salad” because she’s uncontrollably healthy. Her body is functioning in a state that craves things like nutrients from fresh, raw vegetables. Also, those of us who crave bread-y carbs probably have the least amount of self control after eating one or two rolls.

In Rob & Kristen Bell’s new book, The ZimZum of Love, they make the point that the energy between two married people (or any people, really) operates in much the same fashion. If love and goodwill is happening, the relationship continues to grow in love and goodwill. If frustration, anxiety and contempt is circulating, than it breeds that downward spiral.

Perhaps our bodies, minds and spirits (and even organizations) operate much in the same way: we crave more of our current state, even when we don’t actually want our current state to continue.

<<Insert comment about over-tired toddlers that can’t get to sleep 2 hours after bedtime.>>

Image by m. a. r. c. used with permission via CC.

Image by m. a. r. c. used with permission via CC.

To make a grand, sweeping generalization, most people want change or want to change. We want something different. We want to lose 10 pounds, be a better friend, have a closer connection with our spouse, be more present with our children and have more time for causes that hold significant meaning in our lives. We want these things. Wanting change is the problem for only a small population of people. (Side note: in my opinion, if we granted those with addictions this kind of perspective, we would be practicing a bit more of Jesus’ idea of grace, attributing the problem less to character and more to our human nature.)

The problem isn’t wanting change. The challenge comes in when we have to start doing the things that would lead to change. We have to get out a skillet and cook instead of another BK Chicken Sandwich. We have to leave the bar instead of getting a 3rd beer. We have to compliment our partner on something we truly value about him, instead of nagging them about the trash he left on the counter. Some of these things are very hard to do in practice.

Our nature craves consistency even when our hearts crave change.

Perhaps acknowledging this homeostasis vortex will give us the courage to start. And if the theory is correct, our victories will lead to greater victories later on. Not without a few stumbles and failures, we should note. But getting out of our Homeostasis craving cyclone is a change in trajectory, built upon small victories over time.

My Better 2015

Back in 2008, after a horrid fall, I sat at the old wooden table in my in-laws’ dining room and declared  that I would take on a few things to make 2009 better than 2008. I’ve maintained the practice every year, composing my list and declaring it for public accountability.

Yesterday I sat down and pondered what I hoped for in 2015. Overall, I’m happy with the way I look and don’t feel a pull to “loose 20 pounds.” I eat healthy and will not deny myself the simple pleasures of morning coffee and an occasional (ha!) evening glass of wine. I love yoga and running, so I don’t need more resolve to participate in those things. I don’t smoke, so I’m pretty much finding the list of common new year’s resolutions useless as an inspiration.

Ready to install. I attempted yet discovered I could not properly wield a wrench. And it was too tall for H Boy to assist.

Ready to install. I attempted yet discovered I could not properly wield a wrench. And it was too tall for H Boy to assist.

I did read in a helpful article that a simple way to enjoy a better year is to remove regular annoyances. I decided to start there, beginning today. So at 9:05 after Lowe’s opened (my apologies to the employees for being part of the machine that justifies them working on a holiday), I marched my cranky children into the bath section and purchased a new shower head. (This is only because my in-laws would frown when I stole theirs, as it is quite possibly the world’s best shower head. It’s the perfect blend of pressure and surface area coverage. I’m pretty sure they installed it in 1981 and there’s a story about my FIL digging through the trash for it after they had redone the bathroom, including new bath hardware. All that to say, they’re a tad attached and I won’t be able to sneak it into my overnight bag at our next visit without them noticing.)

Yes, my better 2015 will start with a more gentle pressure. I hate my shower. So for less than $40, I’m  making my life numerous degrees better. My excitement is through the roof just knowing it awaits on the sink for JJ”s return tomorrow. I look at it and smile.

I’ve decided that if I am to make the next year better, because this year was a pretty good one, then it will be about small changes. I’m going to seek out the things that need improvement so that I can enjoy my already-pretty-good life. We rearranged the furniture a few days ago for a start – the couches now face each other and I feel like the room is more shui for conversation. My desk is tidier. I started the year with laundry caught up and put away. And with less chaos, I feel more at peace.

So, for 2015, I resolve to adjust the small and simple things that ruin my smile. I resolve to begin to find solutions, even when they cost me $40 because I will be a happier, kinder and more present person.

What about you? What ways will you try to make 2015 better than 2014? And, more importantly, what is the most magical showerhead you’ve ever used? Did I buy the right one? I still have the receipt so I can make changes.

The List: 2013

After a sub-par year of doing the things I thought would make 2012 better than 2011, I’m cautious about what I add to this year’s List. Not just because I hate public failure, but because it reveals that I’m not trying to change the right things… if I’m serious about it, I would put effort behind it. Truth be told, I’m probably a bit too ambitious, putting too much on my list.

The biggest way I think I can Make 2013 Better Than 2012 is to focus on relationships; namely, to be better at them. I want to be more of a giver than a taker, to be more attuned to the people I love.

Though I’m quite social in nature, I am at my core an introvert. I derive energy from time in my big brown chair, reflecting, reading, writing. However, I’m a verbal processor, so I take those thoughts and try them out on others. I love meaningful conversation. This means that many of my friends and family become targets for me to take those inner workings and spew them about, because often I feel as though if not shared, I might simply bust. My friends thank their heavenly stars this blog exists because it tends to catch the what would’ve been a long, drawn out phone call during the dinner hour.

All of this to say, my interactions with others tend to be self-driven. I want to change the course of conversations to center beyond my ponderings and into the events of their lives. I want to move beyond my pithy theory into their actual life. Those who have fallen prey to my overly-excitable thoughts know this could be a tad lofty goal for a girl who lives so high in the clouds, but it’s something I’m willing to climb toward. So most of my Ways for 2013 should center around how I hope to see this out.

1. Respond to text, email and phone messages in a more timely manner. I’m awful – awful – at this. Especially when it doesn’t directly affect my current moment in life. Sometimes, I’m busy. So that’s allowed. And sometimes, I don’t even see a message. Again, forgivable  There’s room in my life to not be so… electronically connected. But the times that I see the message and just don’t feel like responding. Not. Cool. This must change.

2. Tell JJ my most substantial thought each day. Because I love him, I tend not to target the hubby with my musings. Sometimes, it’s just a lot to carry. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel we have enough going on already under this roof or if we simply become too caught up in the nuts and bolts of making the household function, but home is often the last place I share my big Aha. But he should probably be the first. In theory, I know a relationship flourishes when we share the deepest parts of ourselves. In practice, I know life is simpler when we focus on dinner and children. Not to lead you to believe that we lack any substance… far from it. But at the end of 2013 I want to be able to say that we took our marriage to another level, digging deep as a couple.

3. Bring JOY to my children’s life. I’m no Miss Hannigan, but I’m not Mary Poppins either. I tend to lean toward efficiency over emotional impact. In my defense, there’s 3(.5) of them and such a production requires a bit of whip-cracking if we ever want to leave the house. But I want to laugh more than I raise my voice. I want to encourage more than chide. I want to be okay with things that are less than okay. I love the sound of Miss M’s sweet cackle and H Boy’s ringing belly laugh. I want to inspire and encourage this, not be the one who throws a wet towel on it.

4. Engage with my small group. I’ve earned an A+ in conversational contributions, but that’s only a portion of the overall grade. While I feel I’ve opened up well with the group and allowed my truer self to be present (not a small feat when you consider what a freak I am. No, really.) I’ve slacked on the reciprocating end. I don’t listen well. I don’t take in their questions, fears, concerns or the challenges of their life circumstances. Empathy doesn’t make the list of my top skills and I can see where I haven’t really put forth enough effort at overcoming for the sake of the group. This must change.
I believe that I hesitate to take these relationships to that place in my own heart because I know what comes with it: love, which simply doesn’t “stop” after the chapter is over. I tell JJ that what I believe, I believe strongly and what I feel, I feel deeply. I still suffer the aftershocks of loving so many of my beloved “kids” (youth) that at times I get a bit weepy thinking about their beautiful lives right now and the privilege God gave me for sitting in on it. My heart swells for them and I often wonder if it can take on a new set of people who would allow me ringside seats to their encounters with God. I simply don’t know how pastors do it.

(Those were the relationally-driven Ways. Now a few generalities that will make next year better)

5. Find 2 more clients. It was the week of Christmas and I sat around on Pinterest because I had most of my tasks crossed off, ducks in a row. Clearly I have capacity for a bit more work and the variety of clients keeps me fresh.

6. Floss more. Seriously, the Dental Debacle of 2012 doesn’t need a repeat.

7. Take more pictures. Thanks to KLR, I hope to create better habits. We’ll see. I’m apprehensive, but willing.

8. Get healthy. Whilest I eat whole foods and avoid the junk the normal person indulges, for the most part my body has some healing to do. It turns out that having 4 kids in 5 years is a bit tough on the system – my chiro told me that it’s just what happens when you, quite literally, have someone sucking the life out of you for so long. I saw a brief respite during the summer, so I have high hopes that after I finish nursing this Grand Finale, I can focus efforts at getting my body the nutrients it needs to function properly – and eat cookies like a normal person. So while I probably won’t get to the stage of nursing completion in 2013, I do plan on getting serious about treating my body well while I ask so much of it. I need to care for it as much as it has cared for babies, and that means avoiding junk that makes it feel like junk. Easier said than done, but a priority.

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