Category: comfort (Page 4 of 5)

Homeostasis

I read on some crunchy, loosely tied to science, blog that our bodies function in a way that craves the things which continue us on our current state. (Defense: I googled homeostasis and the definition that came up validated these claims. Those crunchy, loosely-tied-to-science people are on to something.)

For example, if you’ve indulged in a BK Chicken Sandwich for dinner a few nights in a row, then whatever the greasy pretend-chicken does to our internal organs, our bodies respond with, “okay, to get more of this, I need more greasy pretend-chicken.” (Full disclosure: the BK Chicken Sandwich was my go-to indulgence when I was pregnant. When everything sounded yucky, the BKCS made my mouth water. It’s my favorite grossest thing ever.)

This rule would help explain the 2-beer rule. Someone once told me that his options were either to stop at 2 beers or give in to the fact that he would be drinking all night. Self-control after 2 beers diminished, and I contribute this to the above mentioned Homeostasis Rule. Your drunken body continues to crave more of what has made it drunken.

Looking at the world through this lens explains my weird sister when she says “I crave a salad” because she’s uncontrollably healthy. Her body is functioning in a state that craves things like nutrients from fresh, raw vegetables. Also, those of us who crave bread-y carbs probably have the least amount of self control after eating one or two rolls.

In Rob & Kristen Bell’s new book, The ZimZum of Love, they make the point that the energy between two married people (or any people, really) operates in much the same fashion. If love and goodwill is happening, the relationship continues to grow in love and goodwill. If frustration, anxiety and contempt is circulating, than it breeds that downward spiral.

Perhaps our bodies, minds and spirits (and even organizations) operate much in the same way: we crave more of our current state, even when we don’t actually want our current state to continue.

<<Insert comment about over-tired toddlers that can’t get to sleep 2 hours after bedtime.>>

Image by m. a. r. c. used with permission via CC.

Image by m. a. r. c. used with permission via CC.

To make a grand, sweeping generalization, most people want change or want to change. We want something different. We want to lose 10 pounds, be a better friend, have a closer connection with our spouse, be more present with our children and have more time for causes that hold significant meaning in our lives. We want these things. Wanting change is the problem for only a small population of people. (Side note: in my opinion, if we granted those with addictions this kind of perspective, we would be practicing a bit more of Jesus’ idea of grace, attributing the problem less to character and more to our human nature.)

The problem isn’t wanting change. The challenge comes in when we have to start doing the things that would lead to change. We have to get out a skillet and cook instead of another BK Chicken Sandwich. We have to leave the bar instead of getting a 3rd beer. We have to compliment our partner on something we truly value about him, instead of nagging them about the trash he left on the counter. Some of these things are very hard to do in practice.

Our nature craves consistency even when our hearts crave change.

Perhaps acknowledging this homeostasis vortex will give us the courage to start. And if the theory is correct, our victories will lead to greater victories later on. Not without a few stumbles and failures, we should note. But getting out of our Homeostasis craving cyclone is a change in trajectory, built upon small victories over time.

Baked

My love languages are words of affirmation and baking. When my people are hurting, I turn on the oven. For sickness and ailments, it’s soup. Usually chicken & noodle or chicken & rice because I keep those ingredients on hand. Also, there’s a firm belief in Upper Sandusky that my MIL’s chicken noodle soup has magical healing properties because it’s the most delicious stuff ever. Because she is one of my most favorite people and I try to be more like her (because she’s a lot like Jesus), I’m trying to master her soup. Shhhhh. Don’t tell her.

When it’s a new baby, I go for Creamy Chicken Lasagna. It’s heaven in a casserole tin. It involves cream cheese. New mamas, no matter how many times around, need the richness and comfort of such a dinner, I simply believe it to be so. Also, my friend Kristen has cornered the market by perfecting White Wine Chicken, which is reason enough to have a baby. I kept having them while we lived in Findlay, but she didn’t deliver after Mr. M arrived, so we decided to call it quits on the baby making.

However, I lacked something in my arsenal for grief. I’ve not fixed many meals for those in the process of mourning. The fact that I haven’t needed to develop this piece of my baking love is probably a blessing, but I’m reaching an age where my peers are dealing with the loss of parents and other loved ones.

So this week when I heard that a death was eminent, and with my newly acquired ayurvedic framework available, I asked myself, “what opposes the bitterness of death?” What can I possibly make that will ease such a sting? I know, the short answer is – I can’t. So I went with the next best thing. Sugared carbs. And breakfast. Everyone wants to provide dinner, but we wake up just as hungry, right?

The cinnamon rolls weren’t an accidental decision. In my mind the entire day I was willing the family through my prayers, “though the sorrow may last for the night, the joy comes in the morning.” How I hoped for them to know and somehow live this truth. I thought, Is there a better way to meet the new day, one filled with hope for something better than what you just endured, than a sweet roll? IMG_2107

I turned to my Cinnamon Rolls, a recipe that has been in my family – my mother and grandmother, as well as my church family – for years. I grew up making Tea Rings every Christmas, cinnamon rolls left uncut but shaped into a wreath, typically decorated with pecans and maraschino cherries.  However, I don’t think death is the time of tidings of merriment, so I sliced these babies thick in the pan by the dozen.

I finished with a cream cheese icing, thanks to my belief that cream cheese makes everything better – even when you’re dairy free. And butter. This was the first cream cheese icing recipe that didn’t make me feel like I was growing an instant cavity, so it was a win. Apparently there’s a mythical Maple Icing recipe that goes along with my Tea Ring, but it was not listed in the Wingfield Family Cookbook, so we’ll have to hunt for that later.

The day was a gift for me as much as I hope it was to the family. The long and cumbersome practice of waiting on the dough to rise (twice) and the rolling out and then rolling up provided me time to sit in these feelings in some way. I imagined baking my prayers into the rolls, as if layering my requests for God to grand comfort right in between the layers of butter, cinnamon and sugar. I rolled them up tightly and sent them away. It was the best I could offer.

So, here you go. May you also greet a season or a day with something sweet, filled with love. Or, even more so, may you bake it into your offerings for those around you.

 

Tea Ring Cinnamon Roll Recipe
(As made by the women of the Ridgeway United Methodist Church)
(This is a double batch. When I used to bake, this made 2 tea rings. I halved this yesterday and still got enough for at least 2 good sized tea rings. It is apparently dependent on how good you are with a rolling pin, and it seems my skills have progressed.)
(This dough also makes a spectacular sweet yeast roll. After the second rise, just make into small balls instead of the rolling process. Let rise and bake and get a classic dinner roll.)
(Boy, I love the parenthetical comments.)

In a glass measuring cup, dissolve 2 packages yeast into 1/4 cup hot (not boiling) water with 1 tsp. sugar. Let rise.

In your mixing bowl:
1/2 cup shortening (I think normal, healthy butter works just fine)
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
Pour 2 cups boiling water over this mix and let stand until cool.

Beat in 2 eggs.

Stir in yeast mixture.

Add 4 cups flour and mix.

If using a kitchen aid mixer (and you should be), add 3-3 1/2 cups flour gradually with the dough hook. For old schoolers, knead in the flour. Here’s where it gets tricky – you have enough flour when it’s s not too sticky to handle. It should largely remain on the hook when you pull it out of the bowl. My grandma Cella would say it’s ready when “it just feels right.” Sorry about that description. It’s the best I can do. Here’s what the professionals say about this.

Put into a large, greased glass bowl and let rise until doubled. I let mine rise in my microwave (DON’T TURN IT ON!) because it keeps the warmth in and I don’t really use it for anything else. It took approximately 2 hours.

Punch down dough and divide into sections. Roll out a section into a thin rectangle on a floured surface – I give it a few kneads first with the flour. Melt approximately 1/4-1/2 cups butter and spread over the surface. Mix approximately 3/4 cups sugar with a tbsp. or so of cinnamon (these things are all about preference) and sprinkle evenly over the butter. Gently begin to roll up the long edge, jelly-roll style.

Cut into 1-2 inch cinnamon rolls and gently place into a greased pan with each roll on its side so that you can see the swirls. Give plenty of room in the pan, these will double in a second rise.

Cover and let rise, about 2 hours.

Bake at 350 for 12 minutes or until golden brown.

Save one for your husband, but give away the extras to your neighbors, otherwise they’re dangerous to have laying around your house.

 

Learning our words

Mr. M entered that frustrating stage of toddlerhood where the language input is a vast playland, but the verbal output is excruciatingly minimal. “Ungh” and “eeeeehhhhhh!” apparently have two separate meanings but those meanings can evolve based on circumstance. Understanding early toddler language is worse than learning English as a second language. Using sign language as a bridge is helpful, but overall I feel as if I should be able to list “translator” on my resume following the job of raising non-verbal humans.


A while back, one of the children came home complaining that a boy at school had been kicking during meeting time. We talked about the appropriate course of action – asking politely to stop, getting the teacher to help. In this case, both of those avenues had been pursued. “Why would he hurt us?” they asked.

Well, I said, sometimes kids need something and they don’t know how to ask. Sometimes they don’t even know what they need, they just feel like someone needs to give them something, so they use whatever is available. Sometimes that means people hit or use unkind words, or don’t use words at all.


 

I wish these were isolated incidents. Yet life seems to be about learning our needs and how to express them in a way that actually fulfills them. How often do I crave connection and try to find it in the bag of Peanut M&Ms? Or seek approval through making loud and inconsiderate comments? What I’m asking for is love, but I never use those words.

What if we began to see all of the ways in which people simply don’t use the proper words? The rude person behind us in the checkout line. The irate driver in the lane behind us. The explosive father. The overly-involved mother of the playgroup. The disengaged husband. The drunk neighbor.*

We’re all seeking something and often it takes a lifetime to figure out both what it is and how to ask it of others. Our frustration grows as they don’t respond appropriately, giving us more milk instead of green beans, but we only have the sign for “more” and “more” of what remains a mystery.

Back in the day, my partner-in-crime, Kristy, would reach a point of stress and frustration and turn to me and say, “what I need for you to do for me is…” and she laid out exactly what was expected of me. Sometimes it was “5 minutes of quiet” or “carry this box to the other room.” Imagine if we all utilized this skill? Mommy, what I need for you to do for me is give me a hug. Dear, what I need for you to do for me is keep the kids for 2 hours so I can remember my personhood outside of their existence. Church friend, what I need for you to do for me is express you’ve forgiven me in a way that I can move on without always feeling I “owe” you.

Let us learn our words.  Let us be patient with those who don’t know them yet. And let us teach others how to use them.

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