i had to go with a quippy title because the general topic is emotional and frustrating.
it’s been six and a half months, and now, all of a sudden, breastfeeding is hard.
H has been going through a difficult patch. a week of flu and no eating. a week of eating 8x as much to make up for it. and it’s been about a week now that we’ve tried some solids. not to mention a tooth and a half (i haven’t checked yet today to see if #2 has popped through). all of this adds up to wanting to eat at least every 3 hours – day or night.
i love my baby, but i thought we’d moved through this. when he was first born i could work myself through the neediness because, well, he’s a baby. he needs me. but now he wants to eat all the time. he needs to eat – he’s not gaining weight like the doctor wants. he’s eating 5 oz. and wanting more. i’m pumping 3 or 4. needless to say, i think i might be the culprit to our little bad spell and it leads to an overwhelming list of emotions, topping the list: failure, disappointment, shame, and fear.
one thing that makes it all very difficult is the fact that i’m a hard core believer in breastfeeding. i think God designed an amazing system. so with that belief, one of 2 things is happening: a) the system isn’t as great as i thought or 2) i’m doing something wrong. i don’t like either of those.
and there’s a world of competitive moms out there that (i think) would love to see someone with my beliefs fail. which brings on the shame and fear. or maybe that’s my own insecurities speaking.
i’d really rather not have the “you can do it” comments. or the “awww, it’s ok” remarks. probably my pride speaking there, but i just don’t want to hear it.
i have further thoughts, but i also have a crying, hungry baby in my lap. so until then….
i know you said no comments.. but owen lost weight btwn 4-6m so obviously my system wasn’t working there. moved to bottles and he never really *gained* the right amount of weight to make the doctor happy (do they have weight measurements for only breastfed babies and ones for only formula babies? i think docs should really pull one of those out. not a combo version- i’ve never asked)… we still worry about what owen eats/drinks…
cooper nursed for 9 1/2m and then partied with food from then on. he’s a solid food addict. oddly enough- it is weird how reassuring it is even though *i* he doesn’t drink enough. he just looks like the normal chubby kid you see down the block so i think that i don’t worry.
i will pray that you get a sense of peace about it and this blip will be cleared by what God wants for you and your family.
Hi Michele,
I just happened to check out your fb page and saw your blog and then read this post and feel your conflict….
I just wanted to share what I found with breastfeeding…especially when the teething started, my daughter wanted to nurse more frequently again at around 6 months and basically she would cycle with that and also when my periods came back… around that time of the month, she would want to nurse more b/c there was less milk at each nursing due to the hormone levels changing, etc…
I’m sure you know this already, but the more he nurses, the more milk you will produce, etc…
God’s system has worked for us and I want to encourage you.
maybe you have already looked into the LLL and found someone/a group close to you… they have been very helpful and encouraging to me whenever I have had any problems.
I breastfed Gigi for longer than most and am available any time if you want to talk, etc 740-827-0515 is my cell…
blessings to you and your family Michele!!