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Extra-Ordinary

A friend told me she nominated me for the IF:Local Leaders scholarship, which was a pseudo-surprise. (Pseudo because I shared the link to friends with a mention that I would *love* to win, surprise because she spent time and wrote an essay on my behalf.) She wrote kind and true words. I may have cried a little. (I’m a Words of Affirmation person and when people tell me how great I am I get weepy and a tad bashful, not my general nature.)

I reflected on her prose and realized I probably won’t win (and that’s okay), though not for lack of talent on her part – she writes beautifully.  Nor is it a self-disparaging remark or a bout of false humility. I don’t say that because I believe I’m not good enough. You’ve been around long enough to realize that I clearly believe I’m good enough for about anything. Worthiness is not where I shortchange myself (though, perhaps humility is).

No, the reason I’ll garner about 4 procured votes comes down to my ordinary life. It is, in fact, extra-ordinary. There is no spark of remarkable about my life. The most interesting thing to write about me is that I had four babies, very fast. No one will be giving me awards for an overactive uterus. And that’s okay. I’m not sure it’s a trophy I want to bring home. Next to that, I simply love Jesus, write a few words and think too much.

Now, don’t think I discount those things. Those babies, born in rapidfire succession, mean the world to me and have whittled me down, adding definition and marks of character. I love writing in this space for the 14 readers who stop by. I get just enough “you put words to my feelings” comments to make it completely worth the $11.99 I pay for the domain name each year. I write for my own sake as much as anyone else’s.

I was born into the generation of Somebodies who would Change the World. We were Special. And we were coached to seek after that Extraordinary Life. The fruit loop among cheerios, the diamond in the rough. In a favorite childhood movie, Shelby says, “I’d rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.”

While it’s okay to dream big (I always do), I hope we don’t loose track of the beauty, the holiness, found in the mundane. A glance through scripture, and that’s often where you find God. At the water well. In a bush. From an ass. (I’m such a 6th grader at heart. It’s Baalam’s donkey.)

Elizabeth Barrett Browning writes in Sonnet 86:
Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God,
But only he who sees takes off his shoes-
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

We live in a world that worships the extraordinary. We are, to our demise, celebrity-infatuated. When your face is put on a screen or a page, suddenly the world deems it worthy of thoughts and time. But read the tales of the ancients and we find not the Somebodies but the nobodies who are called upon to participate in God’s work. He doesn’t seek a long list of successes; he honors a lifetime – or even just a little, wholehearted time – of faithfulness. Of living truly, rightly, where you are.

That same friend just left my house after a morning of naming businesses and picking paint colors. It was nothing extraordinary. But it was holy. It was good. It honors the definition, for me, of living a life marked with God’s presence.

And that’s what I’m after. Not the extraordinary. But something so very ordinary that you can’t help but acknowledge that God lives amid it.

Now is not Forever

Most of my friends are a lot like myself. White, middle class, mothers of young children, living in smallish towns. Generally we all work, some of us not so much in the traditional work structure. We mostly have useful – if not empowering – partners in this gig. Often conversations with these friends revolve around the trials of young childhood, with a peppering of conversation focused on the bigger picture, the future, the better world. I need this solidarity and familiarity. It brings me so much peace to know I’m not alone in struggling at times.

Then I sit out outside next to my neighbors who will graduate their youngest child in less than a week. Their oldest, living in the prime of responsibility-less life, embarks today on a trip to South America for an undetermined amount of time. My neighbor, the father of the family, told me no less than three times last night – just after H boy came running down the street in his skivvies – how quickly this time flies past us.

I believe him.

Throughout my journey we’ve been given gifts of these people, ones not so much like us. We’ve sat at the table with couples in a different season of marriage. I’ve listened to the struggles of parenting teenagers long before I nodded along to Honest Toddler. And now, as we’re on the brink of sending our two oldest into the unknown realms of school, I’m watching parents at the far end send their babies off into the unknown territory of life as an adult. It gives me the simultaneous sense of realizing that what I’m doing right now matters very much in building a foundation for my children while also understanding that what I’m doing right now matters very little in the scheme of the bigger picture of life.

My other-season-of-life friends offer me the pull toward reality. Of course, my reality is my reality. The challenges of bedtime and temper tantrums are a real and valid thing. To dismiss them because “at least you’re not sending them off to college” is completely unfair. I’m not looking to put different stages in competition with each other; rather they offer a gentle harmony to my current situation.

Graduation season, weddings and even funerals temper my life in a way that reminds me that, as I like to say, life will look different in 5 years. Perspective gives me opportunity to enjoy what is without a sense of guilt when I don’t always enjoy what is.

In many ways, when given the gift of perspective, I realize that I don’t have to enjoy certain parts of my life, but I do so with a sense that I won’t get another chance to enjoy them. I won’t keep repeating this stage until it’s fun or I get it right – life will march along no matter what. This is not all that there is. Which is both a frightening and a beautiful thing.

Finding Beauty

So, there’s not really a single part of me that wants to leave.

Of course, I’m thrilled to be returning home. So many good things await us there. Did I mention the house we found will actually be 1/2 a mile from my best friend, our very own KLR? She will surely be changing locks and “accidentally” forgetting to leave the spare in the shed before too long, but that is fine. The way things such as these have continued to align gives me great confidence in what God is doing right now.

But that doesn’t negate the tears. Just because I’m glad to be going doesn’t mean I want to be leaving.

The things that decorated my life haveI cried sad tears last night at a preschool music celebration. Mark that down as one of my best gifts, that I can take such a beautiful and happy evening in the children’s lives and make it a sobfest about my own. I couldn’t help it as reality began to set in: this was it for us and this little community. My youngest 2 will not hear Miss Carla sing Bob Dylan songs or dance around with ukuleles.

Yet it’s not just the school, or the church, or the neighborhood. Those things exist in nearly all communities, even if not identical in form to those here. To say that these are better than those is largely unfair. It’s not a contest and they’re not competing.

My time in Troy has been like getting ready for the prom. These voices got me all dressed up, put on some make-up and did my hair. They put me in front of a mirror and helped me realize how beautiful I am. How beautiful this life is. Perfect? No. But richly beautiful.

Now, I’m going home to change into yoga pants and a hoodie, the comforts I crave and know. It might not have the glow of a big dance, but I can live with my eyes opened to the beauty I discovered. I once told a group of high school girl that real beauty looks as good in a hoodie as it does in a prom dress, and that’s the direction my life is taking.

The things that decorated my life have to stay here. But the beauty? That moves. I’ll have to leave behind the people who held the mirror and pointed out the beauty. But the way they shaped me and formed me, smoothing my rough edges and sharpening me where I’ve been dull – that will travel. I’ll just have to hold on to that.

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