Category: Uncategorized (Page 34 of 188)

Breathing Easy

September 18, 2013 / Michele Minehart

My sister, who is taking a course on herbal remedies and women’s health, told me about “adrenal fatigue” and how, for many people in our culture, the stress of life, the way we eat and our lack of sleep have essentially put our bodies into a constant state of “fight or flight”. The hormones secreted by the adrenal glands (ahem, adrenaline) are constantly pumping, furthering the problem. And while in this state, our body exerts energy to accomplish primary tasks and puts things like digestion on the back burner. What happens is that we become malnourished. We eat – even good things – but our body isn’t absorbing it into the system because the hormones rushing through it just purge it back out. Before we can really be fed, we have to stop and rest. We have to change overall patterns before we can achieve optimal health with a good nutritious diet.

I spent the evening with a good friend discussing life and all that lies ahead of us. We chatted about dry seasons and how certain things give us the rest and the energy and the courage to move forward, but how seldom those things occur. We live in survival mode, tired, and grabbing at any little bit of inspiration that can come our way. But we don’t live nourished.

Our spiritual bodies have been pumped full of adrenaline and we can’t get them to lie down and rest. Whatever nourishment is coming our way doesn’t get fully absorbed. We appreciate it, but it just sort of washes through us. We attend conferences with the hope that it will get us moving again, and while there we’re inspired, but it doesn’t bring the lasting change we’re craving. We try a new book study or Bible study or reading program. We vow to get up earlier, stay up later or do what it takes to connect with God – and instead end up with half-finished lessons, empty books and a heap of guilt because, again, we’re floundering instead of flourishing.

I’ve been thinking on and praying about the hearts of many women I know. What do we need to function at our highest, to contribute our fullest gifts, to allow our souls to come to life? Obviously, everyone is different and certain things speak to some of us more than others. But I think if we look across the whole, we’ll see commonalities and patterns.

So let’s begin where we are. What brings us life? What needs to be in place to see continual growth? Not just what makes us feel good – I’m not talking about a feast, but rather the steady diet.

Personally I believe I need:

The kinds of conversations that evoked these thoughts. It means not just talking about our past week and listing the events, but rather looking into the future, perhaps how those events will shape it, but more seeking a revelation of a greater vision and our place within it.

A place of focused giving outside of my homestead. My kids and home are wonderful and get the firstfruits of my time and attention. But I have a different, separate energy that needs directed somewhere. For the moment, it seems to be aimed at the unknowing women in a budding ministry at our church. It doesn’t matter what the target is, but I need to regularly serve something other than myself and my home with gifts that come natural.

Regular time to myself to read, learn, contemplate and write. I’m accepting my introverted nature and trying to nurture it. I have energy for people because I spend time without them.

A support system that empowers me and encourages me to seek these things out. My husband knows these places of life bring me energy so he will do nothing short of kicking me out of the house so that I will engage them. He knows it makes me a more whole person, that I bring more love into our home, more patience in dealing with our children, more energy into our relationship. Because of this, he handles bedtimes solo, he takes the kids out and about while I attend meetings and events. He’ll single parent for the weekend while I go to a conference.

I’m curious about the common reader out there. What brings you life? What is it that when you come home your husband or sister or child says, “wow, what happened?” And if you’re not of the Christian persuasion (or you don’t really think in those terms), I’m still curious about the life-sustaining forces you seek.

In defense of the big brother

September 17, 2013 / Michele Minehart

Part of my heart became sad as I watched my little boy sit alone with his scissors. The classroom was filled with other children playing house and building with blocks and chasing one another around the room. Surely out of all these people there was one boy or girl that mine looked forward to seeing, to talking with, to playing alongside?

On the other hand, the scissors-to-paper activity reflected my little boy so accurately. He’s a determined little man, intent on action. The fact that he gets to cut and glue and staple makes school the best. place. ever.

My daughter-of-socialite light comes on when I ask H Boy who he plays with at school and he says, “No one. I like to play by myself.” I grew up with a steady flow of friends stopping by. Every holiday or Saturday seemed a good reason for my parent’s circle of friends to get together. JJ and I long for new to this place “comfortable friends” who come over on boring Saturday nights to play a game of cards without it becoming an event.

So is socialization learned? Is this a skill we need to press into like others do the alphabet? And how does nature play into the picture? Surely we don’t believe that everyone needs to have a social butterfly personality? What about the kids who enjoy a few people very deeply rather than listing the entire class for a birthday party*?

Now, don’t paint my boy as a complete anti-social freak. He made a few friends last year at school (and still asks where they are. In the afternoon class, I’m afraid) and his best friend ever is his cousin, Jack. When we have “our friends” (small group) over, he’s beginning to engage the other kids and when we meet at our home he’s quick to show them around.

A friend stopped me after having (all) my children in her class at church. “H boy is such a good brother,” she remarked. Though they drive him crazy when he doesn’t get what he wants, the boy does love them. When we arrive on a social scene, he usually defaults to playing with the girls. It’s what (well, who) he knows.

Now I look at the bigger picture of the world. For 13 years we push our kids out the door to schools and games and parties and dances to socialize, meet friends and develop relationships. All good things, I say.

But aside from those few, special, close relationships, our adult social life largely centers around family. Parents, siblings and cousins make our list of people with whom we love spending time. This seems par-for-course for many people I know. I have a friend who lives across a field from her sister and they’re regularly together. My dad’s best friend is his older brother. Based solely on my phone call history you could correctly ascertain that my sister is a central part of my social world. Even my 87-year-old grandma spends her time touring restaurants with her brothers and sister-in-law.

So if, after those 13 years of asking kids to learn to become friends, they naturally incline themselves toward their kin, why should I have concern? If my kids are learning the skill of becoming a loving brother or sister, they’re developing healthy and loving attachments to one another which will serve as the foundation to their relationships in 15, 20 and 50 years from now.

Now my kids get to go to school to escape siblings and have a moment to themselves. To cut and glue and staple and “make books” – something little-sister hands won’t let him complete at home without interruption. I suppose we all have reasons why we love particular activities and places. Perhaps my role as mother calls me not to judge his happiness by the number of his friends but rather the depth and consistency of his relationships.

The point of socializing isn’t to mark a tally or grow a collection of names and faces, but rather to learn to love others. Being a good friend grows our character. Where we find those friends may not be as important as the person we’re becoming thanks to our time with them.

*Thanks be to Susan Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking for exposing our society’s unbalanced value on those with extroverted tendencies. We’re doing ourselves a disservice when we wish to put everyone in Type-A basket.

Weak punches

September 16, 2013 / Michele Minehart

Thursday afternoon I decided to forgo a well-deserved naptime snooze for a round of butt-kicking with my buddy Jillian. She tells me that I can get ripped in a quick 30 minute session. Or 30 days. I’m not sure. And while no one has categorized my body as “ripped”, my pre-baby jeans fit, so I’m happy with 30 whatevers that she asks.

Partway through the 2nd circuit I could tell I was loafing. The next thing I know, I’m getting one squat thrust to every 3 that the “beginner” model put forth. At one point I thought to myself, “why do I even bother?”

I believe that thought crept in because somewhere down the line someone once told me that “anything worth doing is worth doing well.” It was probably a teacher. Or a motivational speaker. Maybe Zig Zigler put it on a poster.

But you know what, Zig? I was burning more calories, I was building more muscle, I was energizing my spirit far more with my 1-to-3 squat thrusts than I was sitting on the couch. So it was worth doing.

Jillian likes to yell at me as a form of motivation or encouragement (or something?) to “give it everything you have.” But what about the days I just don’t have much? And this goes far beyond my energy level required to kick my high knees. What about when my patience level sits at a 4 all day? Or when my motivation wanes to finish the 4 (yes, count them, 4) baskets of laundry?

I don’t think I need to give it my all of alls. I just need to give my best that I have at that moment. Any steps toward progress, however imperfect, make the efforts worth it. So many times we play the blame game, berating ourselves that we can’t speak with perfectly calm voices after the two-year-old bites the 3-year-old. We forget – again!- to focus on learning an alphabet letter each week. And the big things – loving our husbands or our neighbors better, seeking peace and justice in our lives and our communities… does this meager step even matter?

Sometimes the lack of perfection serves as the perfect excuse to quit altogether. But don’t buy the lie. I’m not a big Satan-blamer, but the Father of Lies uses a common piece of ammunition: it doesn’t matter*. Little things mean nothing. Go hard or go home. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.

This is where I believe we could borrow valuable wisdom from my yoga teacher, who regularly reminds us to be present in our practice and attend to what is happening right now. Perhaps you can’t go as far as you did yesterday – but go as far as you can today.

Wherever we get the idea that a less-than-perfect outcome is unacceptable seeks only what we can produce, not the process of growth. Some days we might grow more than others. And on the days we can really rock it (regularly a Monday for me) – then really rock it. Kick it in the junk.

When the days start badly, move slowly and end much later than you wished, still do what you can. Accept the “imperfect progress” (as Lysa TerKeurst puts it) as one of the best means of growth – steady, sustainable change for the long haul.

*Another big one is “you’re all alone.” Don’t buy that one, either.

Category: Uncategorized (Page 34 of 188)

Breathing Easy

In defense of the big brother

Weak punches

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