Category: Wingfield (Page 4 of 5)

The only person in the room

When I was a young girl, I was laying down on the couch for a bit of rest – perhaps I was sick or just not upstairs taking a nap. I recall laying there and picking my nose. I barely had the finger extracted from my nostril when my Grandma Mary took a seat on the couch. She handed me a tissue and said, “If you need to fix something in your nose, please use a tissue.” No one around us heard the conversation. She didn’t embarrass or berate me. She didn’t show disgust. She smiled and looked earnestly at me as I wanted to dissipate.

That was her mode of operation. Joy spoke loudly in hoots and howls of laughter. Fear and sorrow whispered with the quiet sense that it wouldn’t have the last word. When you talked with Maryann, while you had your hair in the shampoo bowl or were waiting for a table at the Plaza, you had the sense that you were the only person in the room. She could be sharing a Christmas celebration with 10 grandchildren and each of us firmly believed we were the most special to her.

In the old shop with her favorite granddaughter.

In the old shop with her favorite granddaughter.

We would visit her throughout the summer on a whim – we would just pack a bag and go home with Grandpa on a given night, pick up Rebecca on the way, and then stay for a few days, usually until her bridge club met again. We had one, maybe two nights with her, yet she insisted upon getting us to the IGA to pick out our favorite “breakfast food” (that’s cereal to the kiddos). Sometimes, when we couldn’t decide between Alpha-bits and Honey Nut Cheerios, she’d demand we get them both. She was ridiculously generous like that.

She could arrive at any given venue and find a friend. Complete strangers unleashed their life stories because she listened with intensity, firmly believing this person’s story mattered. Grocery store clerks knew when her grandkids visited and her Avon lady took her shopping. Everyone mattered to her.

At her funeral, as the preacher gave opening words, the front row started shaking. You could see her 4 boys as they tried to swallow bits of laughter. Moving down the row, one person told the next that Grandma Mary likely hadn’t made it to heaven because she had to stop and talk to all the people along the way.

I would love to harness my inner-Maryann in honor of her 95th birthday today. I want to talk to people and see their innate value – speak to them like they’re the only person in the room. I want to get over my social awkwardness when I’m in big groups of people I don’t know and begin authentic conversation with the person beside me. (Seriously, I’m a mess. I’m good when I know one or two people and I can work outward, but in brand new situations I’m a disaster. I have to talk myself down from hiding in the bathroom). As I direct and guide my kids, I want to use quiet words in close proximity, not shouting reprimands from across the room.

I want to be the kind of person whose kids come home to play cards on the weekend because they just want another evening together. I want to radiate the kind of love that draws grandchildren close, not because they want something but because they feel something in my presence.

I want to be a good friend. The kind of friend that everyone thinks they’re my best friend.

Cousins make the best friends

A little red tape player and MC Hammer’s U Can’t Touch This made the trip to Detroit fly by. I’m pretty sure we played the song 842 times as Tim attempted to rap Hammer, go Hammer, MC Hammer, yo Hammer And the rest can go and play. We turned the middle seats to face the back in the old yellow and brown striped van (because it was the 80s and legal) and Kimmy gave fashion advice to the 16-year-old boys such as “tie your shoes” because it was “out” to wear the big sneakers so unkept. My 9-year-old self made a mental note to not have a crush on a boy making such a fashion faux pas.  We arrived at the hotel where we were staying before watching Sam’s Brother Cy and we all went for a swim. Brian tried to teach me how to go under the water without holding my nose. Grandpa Bill bought pizza. That night we filed into the stadium seats to watch the race. I can’t remember if he won or lost, but I distinctly recall how Rebecca held her race program on her lap and it caught a huge blob of bird poop.

GirlsThis week my sister and I held our first ever Cousin Swap, exchanging H Boy for her 4 year old daughter. We’ve kept the girls busy playing dolls, riding bikes and making visits to the museum. The boys haven’t stopped playing ball or throwing swords since they arrived at my sister’s home. Chad is pretty sure they’ll go through a withdrawal. Though my sister and I live 3 hours apart, not a brief 20 minute ride from family like I grew up with, we’re still trying to make a priority of our kids’ Cousin Time. Sometimes, it’s a lot of work. But I cannot imagine my life without the relationships I have with these lifetime friends.

In another year, we’ll move from our Overfield friends to our elementary school friends. And then comes middle and high school where things are sure to change and evolve. Hopefully my kids each have a taste of the beautiful and lasting friendships that come with the college years I experienced, but people scatter with time. But to H-boy, Jack will be at every Christmas, Easter, summer at the lake, and winter trip to Great Wolf Lodge.

This will be the boy who loves my son, even when he’s a punk. Perhaps, like my cousins, they will wear a tux up front at each other’s wedding and – God forbid it happens anytime soon – march one behind the other, carrying a grandparent to their final resting place. These boys and girls will weave their way through life together, leaning on one another like siblings but with the refreshing enjoyment of friendship. Boys at dinner

When life hits the rocks, or a marriage, these will be the ones showing up to testify in court. When new opportunity arises, they pick up the heavy boxes. When your first baby ends up at Children’s hospital, they become the first and the last visitors, making sure you have everything you need from a hug to a good probiotic.

Perhaps someday they’ll book flights to Vegas to celebrate as 3 of them turn 40 or several of them hit milestone anniversaries. They can congregate at the pool while a generous uncle buys drinks and simply enjoy being together. They’ll laugh and laugh (and then one of them will get “her laugh” going and make everyone smack their legs because oh, that laugh). Vegas pool Maybe they’ll even load up their children to head to the races for the weekend. They’ll jump in the swimming pool or sit alongside with a beverage in hand. They’ll hope to get their picture taken in the winner’s circle with a happy grandpa. And one of them will remember to tell the story about the time they were in the van on the way to the races with her cousins.

When I wear a pretty necklace

Someone who is more on the cusp of fashion trends than myself informed me that gold is back in the accessory rotation. So this morning I repurposed a few jewelry pieces from my previous life, bracelets I hardly wore then and a necklace that made its virgin appearance.

I only chose it because I recently purchased a silver owl necklace, so I know it’s hip with the youngsters now.
Beyond its trendiness potential, I felt it was appropriate for today’s voyages. The necklace bears little market value, but reminds me of the worth of great character. My grandmother Mary put it in a Christmas stocking at some point prior to 1997 (seriously, it’s vintage) and I’m positive I rolled my teenage eyes at its lack of cool factor. It’s an owl. The sentimental chump that I am kept it because my grandma gave it to me.
Grandma Mary was always bestowing chintzy jewelry on us gals and probably anyone who gave her reason. She kept an entire drawer full of the stuff. It was Avon. So, yes, the neighboring drawer housed random perfumes, lip colors and whatever else she probably dumped on my mother and aunts.
I don’t believe Grandma Mary really loved Avon. She didn’t even wear Skin So Soft, except to fight the bugs. She was a tried-and-true Exclamation(!) fan.
She bought and bought the stuff because in her later years, her Avon Lady became her biggest ally. While the family was only about 30 minutes away, she lived mostly solo after my grandfather died and my grandma did not drive (like, ever. She didn’t have a license. “Except to church” she once said. “If a cop is going to pull me over going to church, then so be it.”)
So frequently the Avon Lady would make a call, grandma would buy a future present and then they’d go get groceries. Or medication. Or eat at Aunt Millie’s. Whatever Grandma needed to get to doing, the Avon Lady would help her do.
One time, the Avon Lady had to pick her up out of a snow drift. It was quite a winter but Grandma needed groceries. After arriving home, Grandma got a little to close to the snow drift and tumbled over. The poor thing ended up with a black eye but she told the story like a warrior.
Now that I’m older I have a much deeper appreciation for what the Avon Lady did for our family. She cared for a widow in ways that meant so much. She kept her safe, she kept her company. Grandma, the hairdresser she was, probably craved company and conversation more than anything else, especially on days she didn’t have her Bridge Club.
What a brave, honorable, generous thing to do, to give of your time every week to make sure a wonderful old lady could get her groceries and have a little lunch. Granted, who wouldn’t love to hang out with Grandma Mary each week? But people value their time. Giving it to someone else is probably one of the greatest gifts we can offer.
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