Category: perspective (Page 4 of 10)

What a toilet teaches

Yesterday, I never loved my husband more while I simultaneously  conjoined his name with words which were less than nice. I was scrubbing showers and toilets. That I don’t use.

I was nominated to clean our rental house following weeks (months!) of renovations. Drywall dust and mud everywhere. And do you know where handymen throw away their wrappers and trash while they’re working? Right there on the floor, where they are. They kept that confined to… the entire house.

After a small snafu with the vacuum and then the carpet cleaner I attempted to rent but cancelled, I mentioned to him that perhaps we could inform the new renters that if they rented the cleaner we would deduct it off the rent. My sister-in-law had come along to help touch up paint and she remarked about how much work we put into making the house move-in ready; her landlord was quick to let holes in the wall suffice and she had to do her own carpet cleaning.

But my good-hearted husband objected, from the comfort of his own couch. This is how we would want to be treated, Michele. Sigh.

So I spent the afternoon dumping and refilling buckets of soapy water as I scrubbed down the entire bathroom – which, notably, has both a tub AND a shower. The afternoon ticked by as several people stopped to look at the place. I heard their situations and took their applications. I recited the same schpeel about rent, what work we had done to the place, and lease agreements.

I returned to my scrubbing, considering the potential renters. One of them had a salary very similar to what we’re used to. To be honest, she probably made a tad more. I realized the differences between us and our renters were pretty small. How we each ended up on the opposite side of a rental agreement had less to do with what we did and more to do with the lives we were born into many years ago.

JJ was right. (Don’t tell him I said that.) Not just in the Golden Rule of it all or the ideal of being a good person. I internalized – and, as I always do, spiritualized – the act of scrubbing someone’s floor. This wasn’t just about “being a good landlord.”

All of a sudden I wanted to see the person who would soon be living in these quarters as a person. Not potential rent. Not in a lease agreement kind of way. Of course, those things exist. But the act of scrubbing a toilet that I neither soiled nor would sit upon became a tangible way of understanding this whole Kingdom of God thing.

It’s easy to be a servant on the mission trip. We’re quick to sign up on the form to bring in cookies or rock babies or join the program that volunteers at the shelter. Those things are wonderful and needed and you should sign up. But programs and activities weren’t the end goal of Jesus’ reorientation to servanthood.

Becoming someone who lives with “a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people”(see more) means more than checking a box on a sign up sheet and donating money. (Although, those things are nice. Do them.) We practice living that out in our down-to-earth lives.

For me, yesterday, it was cleaning a toilet.

I’m not out to revolutionize the way landlords offer housing. I know better. (And I’ve seen the way renters have left places…) And please don’t believe me to be pat-patting myself on the back for this one. I mopped 4 more rooms after considering all of this and I still didn’t like it. I didn’t want to clean the house. I didn’t “get to” serve in this way. And there’s a chance, upwards of 95%, that the future renters will neither notice nor care about the hours of hard work that went into making the home ready.

All of that is okay.

No one said the road to discipleship is easy and filled with fanfare.

The reward isn’t in being thanked or even acknowledged. The gift came in the form of humility, something in which I’m always in need of an extra dose. Realizing that I’m no better nor worse than another human being is a gift. Putting it into practice is often a challenge.

So I started with a toilet.

Raising Nerds

While at the lake, the young boys contemplated fun things to do that didn’t involve screens. Now one to contribute, my eldest offered, “I had math homework. That’s fun!”

Part of me is so very proud. This will put me in a top-notch nursing home someday. Upscale with organic applesauce and fair trade decaf coffee. Only the best and (most expensive) for this genius’ dear mama.

The honest part of me will say it scares me. If you’ve had a child, sibling or even a dog, I think you know the feeling. A sense of wondering, will he be included? As his mother, I love him in a particular and all-encompassing kind of way. I’m aware the rest of the world doesn’t have such thick ties – they’re free to love their favorite parts and tease about the rest, which is terrorizing.

We want our children to be loved and accepted. This is why we buy Under Armor, yes? Those little 10-year-old bodies don’t need power-wicking and compression. We’re buying a Sense of Enough because we desperately want them to be enough. To be included. Whether or not we had a place there, we want our kids to sit at the Cool Kids Table.

Except, I would argue, we actually don’t.  We just think we do.  Most of us don’t want to make cool the ultimate goal – it’s simply the most visible one. If other kids are flocking to your kid, then your kid must be someone good, right?

We mistake popularity for connection. I think perhaps  when we say we hope for our children to be “included” what we really wish is for them to be known and loved for themselves. We want them to have friends who appreciate and honor them. We want them to feel the connection we have with our closest friends, families and partners. (Or that which we wish we had.)

The easiest and most readily-available solution is to help them become what is likable. There’s a profile out there (one, I would say, that is much more rigorous for young girls, but that is another post). Depending on your context you have to put in the ingredients for the right amount of brains (but not too nerdy), athleticism (in our parts, there’s never too much of this), good looks (but not to the point of vanity) and charm. When we succeed at this potion, society readily responds by asking other children seek out this prototype.

I absolutely love that I’m raising a little nerd. I think it’s cute and inspiring. I don’t want him to change – to love math less, to care if his clothes match more. But I do want him to be accepted. To be valued. True friends will do this, I know.

The easiest thing to do is ask him to be like everyone else. The risk of hurt and rejection seems slender when there’s less differentiation. As usual, I’m not in this for easy – I want the good. But I’ll be honest… living my values is hard, especially when my kid’s childhood is on the table. What if I’m wrong? What if these values aren’t worth it? What if the hurt he feels when he’s not popular leads him to other, less desirable ends?

I tell you folks, this parenting gig – it’s not for the faint of heart. Especially when you’re trying to change the world at the same time.

Spread the jam

Yesterday was pancake morning in our home. We offer a variety of ways to top your ‘cake around here – with or without almond butter, with or without blueberries, and with either jam or syrup. (We have dunking cups for the syrup – no dousers allowed.) With such a smorgasboard, kids have to do a little of the pancake-topping work.

I noticed one particular pancake with a large glob of jam and its owner getting ready to scoop more. I warned her to stop and she protested, “but there’s none on the edges!” I explained, we don’t need more. We just have to put it in the right places. 

That’ll preach.

Moving, buying a house, leaving the work in which I had been engaged, allowing our primary salary to land on a scale considerably less than our former potential… all of this adds up to a bit of money stress. Of course, we willingly took it on, we weren’t blinded. And we’re no different than any other family. No matter the income level, my friends are typically trying to stretch their dollars.

Then one day, I stumbled into a little passage in Deuteronomy 29. “I have led you forty years in the wilderness; your clothes have not worn out on you, and your sandal has not worn out on your foot.”

In the Christian circles, “God will provide” is common language. And he does. I love the stories of the groceries arriving on the doorstep on the exact day or the check appearing in the exact amount. These things happen. The ways in which God is faithful to provide can often be found when we’re stretched to the point of need, rather than want.

This passage, however, tells us of another way that “God provides.” He simply takes away the need. God, being the Creator of the Universe, could have created Shoe Valley, in which the Israelites stumbled into a land of Nikes. (But probably not, because they’re not fair trade, and we know God is not into child labor.) This take on provision would’ve made a killer climax in the Exodus story. People would remember a land full of shoes.

But he didn’t. He simply made last what the people already had. They didn’t get new shoes because he made it possible to not need new shoes.

I have to wonder, especially in our current context, if the long-lasting shoe version of provision might be more applicable than the miraculous appearance provision we often anticipate. God could, indeed, drop a check in my lap. Or an opportunity to make more money. Or a really great sale on back-to-school supplies.

Or I could find that he has allowed our dollars to [miraculously] stretch. We could see God as the source of a smaller income that still pays all the same bills. We might discover the blessing of needing less. 

There are times when the jam doesn’t reach the edge of the pancake. Right now, I’m making sure the jam might not need spread out a bit.

 

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