Month: October 2013 (Page 2 of 4)

It’s October 17th. Again.

I’d only been engaged for a few days. Vanessa was home, not doing much as it was the summer and she simply wasn’t feeling good at that point. The next transplant was scheduled, nothing to do but endure until the new kidney hopefully brought new life. 

I was heading to India very soon, but had stopped by randomly – unannounced – just to cheer her. I knew that with Anna away and John on the road, the extrovert in her probably needed a visit. I was right. I think I stayed 2 hours. 
We talked about nothing and everything. She gave me a something to keep my passport in when I traveled abroad (I think I still have it). We talked wedding rings and she recommended that I go with something simple so he could upgrade and add to it later – and showed me all the different ring “jackets” she had accumulated in her many years of happy marriage. I quickly shared this information and strategy with JJ. 
We talked about marriage, since it was at the forefront of my mind. She told me that the most important thing a man can do for his child is love the child’s mother. She told me about a study that gave people the choice of how to use a few extra thousand dollars, be it a family vacation, college education, saving it or a trip just for husband and wife. The professionals said the best use of the money in terms of raising children would be time alone for just husband and wife – that the most beneficial thing you can do for your kids is have a good marriage. 
Just love one another. That was her advice for me about raising kids. 
I hold it closer today than I did 8 years ago. 
 
 

When we should stop counting

(I’ve been listening to a series of podcasts from Renovatus church which really rock my world. Amazing work digging through these parables to discover the heart of God. Recommend.) 

It’s a day in the life of Jesus and his dimwitted disciples (read: us). Jesus kindly gives some pointed, detailed instruction on how to “deal with sin in the church” or so the header of the Bible passage says. First, let’s give a round of applause for Jesus actually being specific and not answering a question with a question, as is his nature. 
After the discussion about dealing with the sin, Peter follows up the discussion with this sensible question: So, how many times do we forgive? Like, 7, right? In the context of community and dealing with the workings of people, I have to side with Peter and say it’s a fair question. I mean, aren’t there limits? And we all know of toxic people in our life – what do we do about those? How many times do we let them hurt us before we can wash our hands*?
Jesus replies with, no. Seventy times seven. 
Now go ahead and look into the traditional numerology of Jewish history and there’s something there about the meaning of the number 7. Yes yes. And then Jesus tells a story. (Ah, the Jesus we know. Done with the practical, on with the storytelling.)
A king loaned his servant “10,000 bags of gold” (which, in that day, a bag was about 20 years of a day’s labor. That’s a lot of gold). When it was time to repay, the servant didn’t have the cash. (I’m not sure who in this story is surprised by this fact).  He fell to his knees and begged for mercy, so the king cancelled the debt. 
The first thing the servant does? Finds a guy who owes him $5 from coffee last week and demands repayment. (Ok, not that exact amount. But when we start comparing numbers and putting it into fractions, I think I’m close). His friend couldn’t repay so the servant puts him in jail. 
The king finds out and throws a fit. “I cancelled your debt – shouldn’t you cancel yours?” The servant ends up in jail “until he could pay back all he owed.” The parable ends with this: This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive a brother or a sister from the heart. (Matthew 18:35).
Obviously, this is about paying it forward. Realizing our own need for mercy so extending it to others. Knowing we’ll never live up to a debt, so extending that same courtesy. Sure, yes. 
And. 
Let’s talk numbers. 
Peter wants to know if 7 is the limit. Jesus says no, more like 70×7. I don’t do the maths so quickly, so even coming up with that number will take a moment. Then, to follow through? It would likely require an Excel spreadsheet with dates in the columns and types of infractions across the top row. I’m surprised Peter didn’t ask, “well, when he gets to 489, do I give him a last warning? Do I let him know ahead of time that this is it?” 
Then, the King. He gives 20,000 years worth of labor. To a servant. (Clearly, not high ranking on a credit score). How many days of work is that? Seriously. I’m not even going to attempt that math. If the king actually expected repayment, we have in our hands the most useless timecard because it ain’t gonna happen
In order to truly get to these maximum numbers, we’re going to have to do some serious counting. Which is what I think Jesus is trying to get across. 
Stop counting. 
God has. 
Can you imagine what relationships would look like if we simply stopped counting the shortcomings? Can you feel the breath of life in your marriage when you’re unable to say “it’s the third time this week”? 
In the heart of his message, Jesus always turns our eyes to bigger things. Missing the forest for the trees. The plank for the speck. We want to get down to the nitty-gritty and count, count, count. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, or so we’ve been told. But those eye and teeth rules were established so that you’d learn to right your wrongs, not so that you could count the wrongs of others. 
God isn’t trying to say that we should invite toxic people into our life to make a home – he dealt with that plainly in the section prior to Peter’s question. He’s not saying to give every person unlimited space in your heart when they tear it to pieces with their sin. Jesus says to deal with it lovingly, honestly, and up front. 
But when the conversation turns to keeping score, that’s when Jesus shuts it down. It’s not about who’s in and who’s out because of a sin count. If we truly had a grasp on the depths of God’s kingdom, we would know it’s impossible to keep track. So stop trying. 
Become a person of mercy. Let forgiveness become your instinct, not your last resort. Jesus ended the parable, “unless you forgive a brother or sister from your heart.” (emphasis mine). It’s not about how many of their sins, its about your posture. 
Sure you can call up a debt of $5 because you can count that high. But you’ve got your eyes on your wallet when you do. When you delete the spreadsheets, stop the computations and forget about the opportunity costs, we end up in the economy of God, where things are vast and limitless. What’s $5 in 20000 years of salary? It’s nothing. So stop counting. 
“Love is patient, love is kind…. it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) 
*Look at that doozy of a biblical reference outside of context. Double word score. 

The Jesus Years

This past birthday brought me into my Jesus Years… 33-36. Conventional knowledge believes that Jesus began his public ministry at age 33 (and died at 36). These are the years we have recorded, save his birth and that testy trip to the temple when he was 12.

Contrast this with how our culture honors and encourages the “energy” of younger people, making it the goal. I remember hearing often in youth ministry a lament that the zeal had been traded in with time. We hear of “young leaders” in the community with the drive to get things done, who possess candor and personality but above all things, energy.

I’ve read the Bible. Several times, in fact. And not once do I ever hear praises ring for the Man with Boundless Energy. I can’t think of a Proverb that honors the Zeal and the Leader as we seek it out today.

But you know what I read over and over and over as the goal? The marking of a good life, of someone you want at the helm?

Wisdom.

Which doesn’t come with exciting events or expensive conferences or dazzling trainings. After reading every single John Maxwell book, we’re still not guaranteed the honored virtue of wisdom.

Now that I’m entering an older phase, I see the folly behind our desire for youthful energy because we’ve traded down for the power of true wisdom to speak into our lives. Those who have lived a full, good life get quieted in the rear with the expectation that they’ve done their part and we must prioritize the future generations. (Not to disqualify the practice of being visionary and thinking about the future – those things aren’t to be ignored).

In ancient Jewish culture, men didn’t start their public ministry until age 33 (which is why we make assumptions about Jesus’ first public appearance). What a genius idea. While we miss those “energetic” years, we get a tamed down, more gracious version of the young leader. We get someone who has eaten enough of her words to know she perhaps should think long and hard before speaking. We have a person who has finally lived enough challenges to realize that Instructions for Life aren’t so cut-and-dried, black-and-white, a+b=c simple. We are, in fact, a bit messier than what we believed. Reading This Book or doing This Study may not yield immediate solutions.

What I missed in my 20s – sitting at the feet of those who have gone before – I want for my 30s. I’ve been able to learn from pretty stellar folk (and even some older than me), but I want to be intentional about meeting with and listening to individuals with decades more of life experience than myself. I love meeting with friends who share similar struggles (and I’m not trading those out). But I want voices that give me a broader perspective, that remind me that life is more than my current circumstances.

I still need to do more considering about my specific goals for my Jesus Years (I dug out my Life Management Plan this weekend had limited time to devote to it. It’s on the docket for the very near future. But not at 7:15am when all 4 children share my living room). However, one of the themes will definitely include seeking out wisdom in as many forms and from as many sources as possible.

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