I have about 10 more minutes until I need to get my hiney to work. I have  full inbox to deal with on the last day of my first week back to really working. It’s gone pretty well… that is to say, KC and I haven’t went completely crazy as the only ones on the team in the office all week. We’ll probably have to have, as my momma likes to say, “a good stiff drink” after this week ends and her vacation begins. I’ll be back next week but in a different capacity. No pesky managers to deal with.

Once I get myself in the door (and find a cube… grrr…), I really enjoy working. I love what I do, I enjoy the pace. Keeps me fresh. However, getting myself out the door is another story. I mean, who wants to leave this little gorgeous who is currently sitting in my lap? And the sleeping hubby and toddler don’t help either. These crisp summer mornings, nothing is better than staying in your jammie jams and drinking coffee, sharing your thoughts with the world through that there interweb. I LOVE these kinds of mornings and days and tearing myself away to sit in a cube seems, currently, like torture.

However, I remember the days of yore, not so long ago, when I was dying to break free of the monotony of staying home. My friends hit the ignore button on me because I wouldn’t. stop. talking. I needed adult interaction in the worst kind of way.

So, much like before I left the worky-work world with questions, I return to it with just as many. My hands are full. In the right, I have the fact that I like what I do and the team I’m on. I like the pace, I like the challenge, I like the rhythm. I like making a wage that affords me to buy groceries. I like contributing what I have to offer.

In the left, I have the fact that I have less and less of a role with my kids. Of course, I’m the mama and always will be. But what can I say or how can I argue when another person is the one guiding and directing them for a much larger proportion of the day or week? And if I love contributing, why not contribute to my kids’ future by putting that energy and enthusiasm toward them? As well, I feel like our world is being institutionalized every where I look… the last thing I want is to institutionalize my kids from birth, making the years that are supposed to be filled with play and awe and wonder instead filled with schedules, rules and a 5:1 ratio.

Yes, women’s lib folk, I do thank you that I now have a choice. And it’s my choice, so I have no one to blame. I have opportunity to do any of the things I love and others can find value in it. But it’s the choosing that makes it hard.

But alas, all these mind games are going to make me late for work. Well, perhaps I won’t have a choice after all…. 🙂

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