You’re so vain

There are people in the world who choose to keep no more than 5 garments in their closet because they want to show solidarity with those who have less. For example, nuns. Or hippies. They have made a decision that things such as halter tops are not necessities and choose, instead, to optimize their resources for a greater cause.

Never in my life have I made such a decision (thought I’m always impressed by it), however my wardrobe now bears a remarkable resemblence to that of the Sisters of Charity. I have a black skirt, gray skirt and white skirt. I have no less than 3 Gap T’s in black and white. I have 2 dresses that are white and green. And 2 pair of denim shorts, one with a rather large hole in the right thigh (it came with a pseudo-hole for an authentic look, but once the hole busted open to a real hole it’s just says “trashy”).

I wish that I could say that my lack of fashionability was for the “greater good” but really it stems from some of my deeper issues:
1. I just had a baby. Anything remotely cute also gathers around the belly button.
2. I have a deep fear of buyers remorse and therefore I never purchase anything that I might regret. So I buy basically plain t-shirts (which, by the way, are cut trim through the middle, so they’re not even functional for me right now!).
3. I’ve exchanged the “frugal” title in for “a downright tightwad” and never – EVER – purchase unless it’s on sale or I have some sort of discount. I can’t even tell you the last thing I bought at full price. You might be quite impressed, but what this really means is that I only purchase things that NO ONE ELSE WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
4. I only see the unattainable. I have several people in my life who are fabulous dressers. So much so that I never see them in something ugly. I, on the other hand, know that I step out in ugliness, so I figure I can’t be like them. So I rarely try.
5. I’m a “saver” – and not just with my money. If I have something cute to wear, I rarely don it for the grocery store. I keep it back – I might want to wear it to XYZ. However, I never go to XYZ, and when I do, I feel so overdressed that I take off the trendy garment of choice to put on a black skirt with a white Gap T, if they fit.

As evidence that I’ve lost all fashion credibility, I offer this: today is the first time I’ve done my hair since this past weekend (read: Sunday). I know this because I just pulled the straightener out of my bag.
Today is Thursday.
Trendy mom:Fail.

It really sounds like I need an action plan of cuteness. But clothes are expensive! My poor mother has tried not to let me fall into the depths of new-mom frumpy despair, but it seems that in my fashion hiatus that we’ve experienced a bit of inflation and a $30 gift card just doesn’t go that far. But I suppose that’s how the long road is walked: one pair of shoes at a time.