still in my amazing, thought-provoking book. woke up in the middle of the night rehashing some main points, wondering if I was prone to play the victim, villain or hero in my own story. i agree, counting sheep would probably be more effective.

tonight’s passage: “I was watching the movie Star Wars recently and wondered what made that movie so good. Of course, there are a thousand reasons. But I also noticed that if I paused the DVD on any frame, I could point toward any major character and say exactly what that person wanted. No character had a vague ambition. It made me wonder if the reasons our lives seem so muddled is because we keep walking into scenes in which we, along with the people around us, have no clear idea what we want.”

so i got to thinking. what do i want? sure, there are lots of things – starting with wanting jj to graduate. soon. living opposite, inconsistent schedules is waring me down. but it seems that recently the things that i want (health care, normal schedule) are seemingly transient. that will change with life – it always does. but what do i really want?

i started thinking about the people around me. my sister really wants to raise well-rounded kids. and she wants to do the work of it herself. i’m not saying that moms who work don’t want to raise well-rounded kids, it’s not a mutually exclusive thing. but i’m saying that my sister puts her life into it. she reads, she studies, she asks around. and she puts a lot of herself into raising her kids. jj and i were once discussing life for our children if something should happen to us; i said that of anyone i know, my sister would do the work of reading up and learning how to deal with kids in such a circumstance and finding what the best approach would be. granted, especially with raising children there will always be someone to disagree with “best” but having done the work of understanding the entire scope, sister would be able to provide a very reasonable answer to all decisions. but sister wants to do the work of raising a family.

my friend wants to make life better for those stuck in a cycle of misfortune. if it’s offering an ear or a bit of advice, encouragement, or just empathy (a newly named but always present gift of hers), she wants to help see these people to a better situation. she also really wants to get married, but that’s in the same boat with me wanting jj to graduate :).

i have another friend who loves to build things. he’s an engineer by trade, a tinkerer by home and a twilight church trustee. he wants to see ideas realized right in front of him.

another friend loves to preform music. he loves to see it affect people. he wants people to be changed by music.

i’m sure this is all directly tied into a sense of calling and purpose. mine has only come in a vague revelation. i can tell you what elements are a part of it, but i cannot clearly “step into the horizon” as don says. so maybe this is something i can work on. what about you – what do you really want?

Visit me elsewhere: