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pressure’s on

The past few days have been a real struggle. The weight is almost too much to carry. We’re not talking insignificant worries like potty training or your kids suddenly stopped eating or being able to find anything in a new town. No, real stress.

Pinte-stress.
I read about the visual social network via a blog a month or so ago and ran off to get myself invited, but delayed in getting the account activated. When I finally did, opting to “sign in using facebook” (because who needs ANOTHER username/password to forget?), I took a look around and then moved on, unsure of exactly what I was going to use it for. 
Then the flood of emails came in. People were following me. 
I had nothing but standard boards, not a thing pinned and was caught with my pinte-pants down. 
Because of my propensity toward self-elevation, I decided that these followers came not from being my facebook friends, but because they wanted – NEEDED – something from me. Like a great pin to comment on. So I quickly enrolled in Pin School, and though I’m still a freshman, I’ve learned a few things. Here are my Pinteresting tips.
1. Naming the boards can be just as fun as pinning to them. I steered away from “home” and went with a family favorite quote by my mother, “If I had to pick a brick…” (Ed note: Marj has yet to have occasion to pick a brick. But she lives in anticipation that one day she will). Rather than “favorite products” I pin stuff that I want you to “give it to me.” These are mostly pictures of how I’d like to dress. I also have an affinity for my board of “mama always said” (recently renamed from “smart thinking”). I LOVE all these smart phrases and quotes. And 5 points to KLR and her naming strategies. It’s a trend, my friend. Jump on the wagon.
2. Google Chrome, in an effort to display its awesomeness, has an extension app that allows you to right click and pin any image. Get it.
3. Thank goodness for the Pinterest iphone app! Now I can be browsing as I ignore my children feed the baby.
4. Somehow or another I plan on using this as a storage shed for recipes from blogs. Still working on that feature. Looking for practical application in that arena.
5. I need a way for these pins to come out in a shopping list for me, specifically when I go to a thrift store. Otherwise this is basically a large, picturesque look at things I’ll never do.

So, I’m ready for a band of followers. And I need those invites back because I can’t seem to figure out how reciprocate the following. But I suppose that’s okay or we’d end up walking in circles… 

if i had a million dollars

I’m not sure of the steps of progress toward becoming independently wealthy, but with husband in a full-time teaching job, I’m hoping we’re well on our way. So when that day comes, I have a list at the ready for how I’ll spend my time and fortune. 

1. My google reader subscriptions will at least triple. I can then fulfill my lifelong dream of reading interesting things and then telling people about it. You can anticipate that both this space and my FB feed will be full of running commentary. 
2. I’ll open a coffee shop that not only finds it socially acceptable to bring the wee ones along, but it’s encouraged. Nothing will be breakable or really loud when it hits the floor. A McDonald’s playland-like structure will be available. Perhaps I’ll even come up with a system where we number the kids playing and I’ll staff one person to redirect the kids if they misbehave and then notify moms when they don’t listen so that moms can fully engage in other wifi-related activities (see #1). 
3. Shopping. I will look cute again. Mostly because I’ll be able to hire someone to pick out the wardrobe and then dress me. 
4. I’ll buy things for people I like. Fun stuff, things to brighten the day. I read the status of someone who’s sister sent a box of Gap “back to school” clothes as a way to chipper her up before the school year started, and it worked. I’d like to be more like that. 
5. Trips with the husband. 
6. I’d write things that people would read. On paper. All that time with numbers 1 and 2 would make it possible to do research and brainstorming and querying. Things real writers do. And since it would be in a coffee shop, the career path would be legit. 
7. Volunteer more. Becoming Independence wealthy only helps with me being able to hire child care issue. 
8. Buy good milk. And cheese.  
9. Take a yoga class or something. 
10. Get my hair cut, perhaps even highlighted, on a normal person’s schedule (ie, not once every 6 months)

missing what could’ve been

I was going to intro with the lyrics of the older ballad that had a chorus about what “could’ve been”, but I didn’t know the title or composer. I did a search on Let’s Sing It and came up with 25 songs to sort through with “could’ve been” in the title. And that didn’t include the songs about the topic but with a different title. So rather than some cheesey lyrics to a classic hit, I think it would suffice to say that our culture is well atuned to wallowing in, and singing about, regret. 

This morning I was reading a bit about King David returning victorious after a war with his son. Instead of dancing he was weeping and mourning the loss of his son. Apparently the guys who risked his life and came out winners were none to happy to see the tears. Finally his adviser came to David and told him to quit his crying or the army would desert him, feeling under-appreciated. 

On my first reading, I was a bit miffed at the adviser. The King just lost a son! Give him a break. The reality is that he’s hurting. Let him mourn. But then I caught a line – the adviser said, “If [your son] were alive right now, we’d all be dead. Is that what you want?”
The reality was that the King’s son was an enemy. The King wasn’t mourning his son, he was mourning what could’ve been between he and his son, but had failed to exist. 
The reality was that the King was hurting people around him with his tears. 
I think coming to grips with the disappointments in life is a learned trait, a marketable skill. Though it looks good on the t-shirt to live with “no regrets”, I’m not sure people really accomplish it. Sometimes we wish life had taken a different direction. But I think the king’s adviser was trying to communicate that wishing what “could’ve been” can’t come at the expense of those in the “right now.” It’s simply not fair to those who love you to love someone or some thing who doesn’t exist (and perhaps never did) even more than those sitting right beside you. Through the lens of those glasses, those in the right now will never live up to expectations. They’ll never compare to a non-reality. 
I’m trying to live that right now. We don’t know the life that could’ve been by staying where we were. So we can’t compare to it. But we can love what is with us right now. We can appreciate our surroundings and connect in any way we know how. And fully celebrate the victory. 
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