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Dumb movies and cheap food

I’m not the movie connoisseur in this household. I generally stick to a good political thriller (love me some conspiracy theories!) or an occasional romantic comedy. When JJ rents one, the primary decision is based upon if I’ll be staying awake for it or not. Otherwise the gates are open for a variety of other shows.

So, when my friend Kenny offers up his periodic perspectives on Facebook, I relay these to JJ for movie-going decisions. However, like many critics, Kenny’s reviews seldom match those of the general public. He gave Ironman 3 a lukewarm-at-best rating, whereas the rest of my feed raved. JJ remarked that perhaps it made him trust Kenny’s judgement a tad less (especially because Kenny mentioned that he disliked Ironman 2 to an equal extent and JJ enjoyed it). 
The difference, I defended, lies in what each is wanting from cinema. Kenny, trained in the broader scope of the art, seeks depth. He wants well-developed characters. Plot lines that flesh out and connect. Themes that reach beyond the surface. Comedy to depend on wit rather than vulgarities. Scripts built to use language with purpose, concise in selection, not simply for shock value. 
American audiences don’t naturally seek these out, (though they might be appreciated). But we’re too easily entertained by special effects or cheap thrills. 
I read a similar summary of our approach to food recently (in a book called All Natural). True foodies savor a dish for the flavors, acknowledging the way certain spices connect or contrast. All too often, the American diet allows us to be quickly carried away by the cheap fix of salt, sugar and fat. We’ve become accustomed to settle for the cheap and easy. 
I have to wonder assume our penchant for immediate gratification and the quickest way to a desired result profoundly affects the interior formation of our lives as well. With dangerous results. 
Of course, I immediately think of the spiritual. God’s work at transformation takes time, yet we want instant and lasting change. (Enter: parallel to our approach to healthcare, seeking to pop a pill over renovate lifestyles). And when it doesn’t come? “It wasn’t God’s will.” “You didn’t try hard enough.” 
Our communal life suffers. We want relationships that immediately satisfy our every wish and desire. We want the relationship to remain as exciting and satiating as the first bite. And when someone falls short? Discard and move on. So we move to new churches, schools and homes when the old ones fail to meet our current needs. 
There’s something to be said for digging deep. For putting forth the hard work of creating works which last. Look at the art of generations past – cathedrals that have endured centuries and wars and weathering the elements. People actually invested into something without a guarantee they would live to see the end result. The idea of contributing to something lasting mattered more than the immediate sense of enjoyment. 
I’m sad the lifestyle of my generation leads to more emptiness; we haven’t yet understood the value of participating in something that lives beyond ourselves. As my wise friend KLR puts it, we’re a throw-away society. Why fix it when we can get brand new even cheaper? The result has left us unable to taste and appreciate the true riches of this world. We’re too easily captured by the new and shiny to see that it’s fools gold – we haven’t dug deep enough to know the real thing. Our society operates using fools gold as a commodity, so we haven’t experienced the full value of something precious
Yet we wonder why we’re always longing for something more
I hope to become a person of something more. Depth. Value. Not just cheap entertainment (though, we all know I’m hilarious). I want to build into something which will last beyond myself. Not just my children, but rather relationships and communities that leave legacies. I don’t want to coat myself in sugar to be initially accepted – I want to be a person that people might require a second or third bite to really experience the nuances of who I am. I want my friendships to compare to fine wines, gathering flavor and appreciation with age. 
When people watch the movie of my life, I don’t want them to tell of the stupid characters who found a tiger in the bathroom. I’d rather they become wrapped up in the tensions of living faithfully with God and people. I hope to win an Academy Award, not earn easy millions by telling the same story already told, but this time with bigger guns or faster cars. 

Hitting the highlights

Just a few notes from the day…

1. Conversation with H Boy while leaving church-
H: Mommy, can I sit by you at lunch.
Me: Yes, that’s fine. Do you like to be close to mommy because you know the baby’s coming soon?
H: No, I like to sit by you because I love you. 
2. Slicing open 2 avocados which I bought a week ago to find perfect ripeness. 
3. Thinking this might show up in next week’s sermon:
Who doesn’t love the Karate Kid? (However, I’m in for a cultural awakening when half the people at the gathering are too young to fully appreciate the nostalgia)
4. Another conversation with H – 
Me: H, where’s C’s diaper?
H: Well, she wouldn’t let me put it on her. She walked away. 
*Note: due to the fact that this exact scene has been brought up in previous conversations with friends, I must note that we did not request this of H. We had simply told them to go up and get their jammies. 
5. Waking at 7:30am to the sounds of the kids already downstairs, peacefully enjoying a banana snack, without our assistance. Just when we’re on the cusp of self-sufficiency in the early mornings, we decide to bring on an infant. Genius
6. Baked tacos. They were delicious. Especially with the guacamole made with aforementioned avocados. Our first taco meal where at least one of the kids ate them in taco-form (as opposed to meat and toppings in separate piles). 
7. I read that Michael Pollan released a new book, Cooked. It’s still too early for an ebook to be available through the library, but I’ll continue to monitor that situation. 

Second verse, same as the…

Much of my parenting work would probably better be qualified as “herding.” Meal times, bedtimes, bath times, even play times – it’s a matter of getting the pack moving in the same and right direction. Once they learned the expectation and understand what I’m wanting, it generally works and makes my life efficient enough that I can leave the house on a regular basis. 

So when parents ask “how I do it” I’m honest in my response: they lead one another, enjoy one another and learn from one another. It’s a good system, but also the only system I know – I haven’t a clue how to parent only one child or children with an age gap that would require separate toy bins or movie shelves. 
But alas, the Terrible Threes are upon us. “People” (whoever they are… liars) call it the terrible twos, but apparently we’ve evolved to delay this period of parental hair pulling because JJ & I consistently stumble into it – a bit cocky at the ease of the 2s, mind you – unaware of what lies before us. The primary symptom in our house? Bedtime. Daily, I yearn for the clock to tick upward, while I also maintain a seed of dread for what could be ahead. 
We finally grew out of this with H Boy a few months ago, to my sheer delight. After a rather rough evening (in a span of several months of rough evenings), he and I had a bit of a heart-to-heart one morning about my expectations of him as a “big boy” when it came to nightly routine. His shenanigans halted nearly immediately. The angels sang a hallelujah chorus. 
Thus, 3 days later, Miss M picked up where H Boy left off. I could’ve cried. Ok. I have. 
This week, likely due to the recent changes in bedroom situations, brought especially frustrating evening hours. And everything we’ve tried that had traditionally worked for H, even the “last straw” moves, met willful resistance with Miss M. Nothing worked. 
While I realize in theory that “every kid is different” and I try to adjust to these inconsistencies – H eats his stir fry veggie by veggie, no rice, shrimp first; M likes veggies on rice, no shrimp, C pretty much will only eat the rice if possible – the practice of raising very different children is challenging. I can herd away with different personalities but rather than the strategies I’m seeking, what I need is to learn how to love differently for each child. 
Tonight, because H Boy decided it was Napless Wednesday, he headed to bed first. Lady C followed. But Miss M joined her daddy for some outside work and a round of soccer. She came in beaming. 
Though we still encountered a few blips (a needed water refill, some kicking of walls) it was overall subdued compared to previous evenings. Perhaps it was because I was hopeful and wanting things to be better. This could all be in the eyes of the beholder, and I’ll be honest – my attitude about it has been quite negative. Very woe is me
But in my heart of hearts, I know what she needs is some special “her” time with each of her parents. We expect so much of her – to keep with what H Boy is doing while watching out and helping Lady C. And so much of the recent change (ie, the room switch, not to mention an impending baby) isn’t her fault. Yet we expect her to roll with the punches without argument. These things weren’t her decision, yet she’s living with the consequences – in her room, as it may be. 
So yes, I need more patience and grace for her. But I believe I also simply need more – different – love for her. To show her she’s as special as everyone else by engaging in things with her. Just her. 
And again, it takes me to what God often feels in His dealings with us. He doesn’t blanket us all with the same kind of love. Equal and abounding, yes. But he speaks to each of us a unique love language that our hearts want and need. Some “herding” may be required, yet His love is personal to each child. Not only do I feel overwhelmed by thinking how does He do that? but I also get lost in gratitude that He loves so much that He would pursue each of us in a deeply personal way. He doesn’t just appreciate or acknowledge or navigate the differences between each of His children; He creates them specifically to be that way. Apparently, a bit of His glory dwells in each of us that wouldn’t been experienced otherwise. 
It’s time to take that same understanding of my own children – which is one reason why JJ and I have loved the idea of big families in the first place. It’s in the uniqueness, the differences, the elements you can’t quite put a finger on but that bring a smile to your face, that a richer experience of the world exists. 
So, here’s to loving them, each and every. And yet another one. (Well, in another 6 weeks or so). 
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