You only need to know me a brief while to realize I’m a bit of a geek. It’s okay, I’m fine with it. I tend to find some of the most random subjects of conversation appealing and intriguing. Often I’ll read a book on a topic that to many may seem sad or weird or, well, geeky, but I can’t contain the curiosity.
Given my previous experiences with teenagers (and my continued love for them), Marko’s blog about extended adolesence had my mind whirling. I find it all absolutely fascinating. I asked him for further reads on the subject (currently The Primal Teen) and I’m passing my overly-nonnatal afternoons with reading up on the teenage brain.
Today’s snippet (I’ll give you the Cliff’s notes version; I’ve learned most people can’t stick with me on these kinds of escapades) . ED: skip about 3 more paragraphs to get the real point) involved the emergence of a new understanding regarding the teenage brain, namely that there’s a growth spurt of sorts that rivals that of toddlerhood in the front of the brain – the area that helps us reason and plan and think.
The author cites several studies and summarizes that basically brain development is the continued path toward learning impulse control. She quotes a neuroscience as saying “development is progressive inhibition.” Basically, it’s not that we’re necessarily learning new tasks all the time, but that we’re also learning not to mimic certain behaviors at specific points in time. I’d like to make friends with a neuroscientist so s/he could tell me that I’m right when I say that learning comes through mimicking or mirroring behavior and repetition of the task (oh, toddlerhood, there you are again!), while maturity correlates to the ability to stop the behavior at appropriate times. So, H learns about going potty n through watching, imitating and repetition. He becomes a mature pee-er when he stops doing it in the front lawn.
Now, how can you not find that fascinating??? Brain development and maturity is not simply the addition of new skills, but the control of response with the skills you already have. Think about some of the most immature adults you know (and please don’t mention that Yours Truly made the list). Most/many of their less marketable qualities can probably be tossed into a pile of lack of impulse control… say, over what comes out of their mouths (ahem… oh, hey there Pot! It’s Kettle…), issues with anger, etc.
So, here’s my deeper thought related to how this affects Yours Truly, one currently without teenagers but who loves them so. I believe firmly in the “takes a village” philosophy; teenagers and children need strong relationships with non-parental adults (another interesting read on that by Rage Against the Minivan). I love building relationships with young people because they’re interesting, they have their eyes open to things I don’t see, and they’re better at keeping me hip and well dressed. But I also believe they need adult relationships through the process of becoming an adult. And I hope – pray! – that other wonderful adults will feel similarly when my own children are navigating the stormy seas of adolescence. Or childhood. Or adulthood. Face it, we all need lots of love.
And in our relationships with these young, easily-shaped-yet-perhaps-not-so-good-at-impulse-control minds, perhaps in the back of our heads we can remember that what would benefit these brains the most is setting an example of limits. Here’s how to say no. This is what it means to draw a healthy boundary. And if we’re honest, adults nowadays aren’t so great at that. Our generation (and a few ahead of us) really kind of stink at saying no to working when we should be resting. We feel like over-involvement is a better option and sign ourselves – and maybe our kids – up for more than the household can handle. We buy more than we can afford and can’t resist a good splurge.
I read a recent FB post that said that it’s not what we want that is the problem, it’s how badly we want it (TOTAL paraphrase). And I think part of teaching our children, and teens, what it means to be an adult is to live a life that knows a bit about self-control (I promise, I don’t have inner control issues or anything…). Or maybe it’s not so much about “self-control” but about purposeful living. Taking action because you believe it to be so and not just because we’re driven by society or a whim.
But it’s just a thought.
Category: Uncategorized (Page 93 of 188)
I’ve heard my share of jokes (especially at work) about the fact that it seems I’m always pregnant. I share the sentiment. But I’ve decided that this recent pregnancy is taking it a bit far. I know that the ultrasound said the due date isn’t for another week (my calculations were closer to this past weekend), so i shouldn’t be surprised that I still can’t see my toes. But it’s disappointing nonetheless.
As I was powerwashing the back deck yesterday – yes, moving close to time of birth has it’s perks where nesting is involved – I came to realize exactly why it is that my husband loves to keep me pregnant. I’d also organized the garaged, sorted books and clothes for the yard sale, keep laundry in a continuous cycle and I’m about one meal ahead in preparations. Not to mention the fact that he likes the midwife’s suggestion for getting things “moving along.”
Today he’s back at work, hoping I show evidence of the pains of labor so he has a viable excuse to leave, and we continue on the packing and house-readying journey. I’m starting to rearrange in a way that so when someone does come to visit and perhaps purchase the house, that it doesn’t look nearly as cluttered. Finding a home for all the small appliances and boxes of cereal isn’t as easy task as what you might think.
We’re also expecting some new siding to come today, which will bring good cheer. Not to mention the fact that the bid was within our insurance reimbursement means, so we’re excited about that.
But for now, breakfast for a 2-year-old awaits.
4:30am on Tuesday, June 28, 2011. That’s when H started sleeping without a binky. Well, for last night, anyway.
Apparently he had sucked on it to the point where it’s gaping holes made it no longer suitable for the designated task. He woke up and requested a “different binky” but we didn’t have any. Well, if it weren’t 4:30am, I might’ve been able to come up with where another one was. But at the time, which was early, nothing popped into my head. I told him it was broken and to go back to bed with buckeye (see, child? Your world isn’t completely torn upside down. That’ll come in another month or so after you get a new sibling and then we uproot you and move to a new house and town).
So he returned to bed only to get up about 20 minutes later to go potty. He actually went (I was impressed. Not so impressed that I didn’t put a new diaper on him. Come one, one challenge per middle-of-the-night period, please). Then at 5:30 he came wondering in, upset and apparently “unable” to sleep binkyless. He got into bed with me and as soon as he rolled to the tummy and I could tell that he was going to fall asleep, I knew that I, on the other hand, would not. So I was banished to the couch while he continues to snooze in my bed at 8:30am. He’s going to stay there until he’s satisfied on the sleeping end because who knows what nap time could look like today.
For those of you thinking, why not just buy a new binky… I. Just. Can’t. We’ve been patiently waiting for the law of nature to take it’s course on this stupid piece of plastic and allow H boy to just live through the natural ramifications of being 2 with a paci. He’s known/been warned that this is his last bink. I can’t go back now.
So, as if we don’t have enough going on… add a new regime of sleep training. Oh, and the hard drive on our new computer crashed. Beautiful. I’d love to spend an hour on the phone this morning with customer support. Watch out, inbound call support technician. It’ll be best for everyone if you just promise to send me a new hard drive. Really, let’s save us some time.
Well, the other child is requesting a new diaper as the current one emanates an odor. They really are under the impression that I’m superwoman.