Category: Uncategorized (Page 88 of 188)

missing what could’ve been

August 23, 2011 / Michele Minehart

I was going to intro with the lyrics of the older ballad that had a chorus about what “could’ve been”, but I didn’t know the title or composer. I did a search on Let’s Sing It and came up with 25 songs to sort through with “could’ve been” in the title. And that didn’t include the songs about the topic but with a different title. So rather than some cheesey lyrics to a classic hit, I think it would suffice to say that our culture is well atuned to wallowing in, and singing about, regret.

This morning I was reading a bit about King David returning victorious after a war with his son. Instead of dancing he was weeping and mourning the loss of his son. Apparently the guys who risked his life and came out winners were none to happy to see the tears. Finally his adviser came to David and told him to quit his crying or the army would desert him, feeling under-appreciated.

On my first reading, I was a bit miffed at the adviser. The King just lost a son! Give him a break. The reality is that he’s hurting. Let him mourn. But then I caught a line – the adviser said, “If [your son] were alive right now, we’d all be dead. Is that what you want?”

The reality was that the King’s son was an enemy. The King wasn’t mourning his son, he was mourning what could’ve been between he and his son, but had failed to exist.

The reality was that the King was hurting people around him with his tears.

I think coming to grips with the disappointments in life is a learned trait, a marketable skill. Though it looks good on the t-shirt to live with “no regrets”, I’m not sure people really accomplish it. Sometimes we wish life had taken a different direction. But I think the king’s adviser was trying to communicate that wishing what “could’ve been” can’t come at the expense of those in the “right now.” It’s simply not fair to those who love you to love someone or some thing who doesn’t exist (and perhaps never did) even more than those sitting right beside you. Through the lens of those glasses, those in the right now will never live up to expectations. They’ll never compare to a non-reality.

I’m trying to live that right now. We don’t know the life that could’ve been by staying where we were. So we can’t compare to it. But we can love what is with us right now. We can appreciate our surroundings and connect in any way we know how. And fully celebrate the victory.

happy snacking

August 22, 2011 / Michele Minehart

Fortunately for my postpartum belly I’m running a high metabolism since the wee one is an eating machine. I also added Jillian Michaels to my evening repertoire because I’m tired of wearing elastic waists. That being said, I’m hungry all. the. time. I’ll eat a good meal and within an hour or 2 I’m famished again – worse than when I was pregnant, for sure.

I’m dying for new snack ideas that require little prep, or that can be done in bulk. I’ve made a delish batch of granola bars (halve the sugar, add 1/4 c. peanut butter, sub raisins – yes I’m old – for chocolate chips) for the freezer and I’m open to a little work like that. I try to keep fruit on hand but it hasn’t seemed to satisfy. I try to keep cheese on hand, but I have a tendency to pair it with a processed cracker, thus defeating the point.

Right now my go-to is trail mix, but it’s starting to render burn out.

Another tried-and-true but not working: yogurt (with and without fruit and/or granola). I fell in love with Seven Stars Farm – maple flavor – and now I can’t settle for anything less. But it only comes with a visit from Marj. I need to add something to my mix.

So, I simply must know: what is your go-to snack? Double letter score if you don’t buy it pre-packaged; remember I’m trying to stay on the healthy side here. Triple word score if said snack suggestion can fool my brain into thinking it’s a Culver’s concrete mixer with hot fudge and brownie bites. I’m addicted to those things. See why the need to keep it healthy???

*In your suggestions, keep in mind that I don’t like almonds. Or chips in my ice cream. Or anything that can get stuck in the crevices of my teeth, really. Well, except corn on the cob. But that’s a meal-time option, really.

**FB friends and readers, could you comment on the blog rather than on the book? It keeps comments centralized. If it’s convenient, that is. I’ll take a snack suggestion from anywhere if needed.

the old has gone

August 19, 2011 / Michele Minehart

When driving down to the new town in the weeks preceding the move, it didn’t seem like that long of a jaunt – especially because we did it multiple times in a week. However, in the trek back today, it seemed like ages separated the two cities.

If I had a therapist, I’m sure she’d call this cognitive dissonance.

The reality is that today was the first I was able to fully absorb what transpired over the past month. Because of my lack of ability to deal with emotions, huge transitions can be quite seamless for me because I shift into a task-oriented survival mode. I deal with the issues at hand and discard all those silly feelings that accompany. So when the husband says, “do we move?” I look at the facts: job, paycheck, goal. Then I create lists: what to pack, what to sell, what banks and offices and realtors to call.

People asked me several times over the past few months how I was doing, and I could honestly answer that I was doing fine. This had nothing to do with the situation being easy; basically, I’ve been operating like a leper for 7 weeks. A leper tends to bear gross, obvious flesh wounds that the rest of the world can plainly see are not good, but the nature of leprosy is that the person doesn’t feel her skin. The gashes are the result of bumbling around sharp objects and leaving her hand on the stove because she didn’t feel it burning off.

But today was like the moment when you get up off the floor and realize you were sitting in an awkward position because all of the sudden a tingling sensation rises in your foot as the blood starts to recirculate.

Dee handed me my box of office things, and as I left the building in which I’d spent countless hours roaming to and from the bathroom, I wondered when and if I’d ever return.

Then I had to return the garage door opener to the old house and I knew I’d never return. The day we moved out I operated at the height of Emotional Shutdown, so I hadn’t thought twice about running out the door. But today I stood in the empty rooms that had housed my children’s first days. I recalled what it looked like with our things and images came to mind of Husband arriving home and bursting through the door for the kids to squeal in glee (yes, he did this – just like the sitcoms). It wasn’t just house, it had been a home. It was the centering place for our family.

This was where life events – the mundane things of life that truly make up the memories we keep – took place. The movies we watched. The games we played. The books we read. The work we completed. The grass we mowed. The garden we tended. The balls we threw. The coffee we drank and the breakfasts we fixed. The friends we entertained. (Allow me to break into song with Seasons of Love).

Until the rooms in that house sat empty I didn’t fully comprehend what we were leaving behind. Though the books and coffee and balls all made the move with us, the memories of the past are tied to that place. I realize that new memories and beginnings are exciting and that we have great hope in our new surroundings – we love the new house and believe the new town will be a great place to live. But that doesn’t erase the sadness of knowing that a certain phase of our life is over.

I don’t deal well with the fact that I can’t get time back. Re-dos aren’t allowed. I’m not talking about “oopsie” re-dos. I’m talking about going to bed at night knowing you lived a good day and anticipating that the next one, or seven, or 365, will share a similar look and feel.

So tomorrow we’ll rise and make pancakes and head to “the market” as H-boy calls it. We’ll weave about in our new town and etch new images into our hearts with the wonderful time we spend together. But nothing will replace the pictures of what transpired in our lives before we arrived.

And I’m glad that today I had a chance to truly feel the magnitude of what has gone before so that I can appreciate – and immerse myself in experiencing- what is yet to come.

Category: Uncategorized (Page 88 of 188)

missing what could’ve been

happy snacking

the old has gone

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