Category: Uncategorized (Page 76 of 188)

A friend’s a friend forever

July 3, 2012 / Michele Minehart

As one of the last songs finished playing at my cousins’ wedding, E & her three college roommates continued to share the moment. Someone explained to me that they had lived together for 4 years and now they would be separated by large distances – E left for Wyoming after the honeymoon, one roomie headed to Texas and another to NY, I believe. But watching them sway to their own music, I could see something special in their friendship. To a junior in high school anxiously awaiting college’s arrival, it became lodged in my memory and in my expectations of college.

By my junior year my expectations were met.

This weekend I had my own last-dance-of-the-wedding moment with my girls who had tickets to fly to the other side of the Rockies. Of course, they’ve been living in Tuscon and Washington for 5 years now. But this was the last time in the foreseeable future we’d be gathered together. Allison’s wedding was last on the lineup.

Besides celebrating the nuptials of a beautiful couple, spending this weekend and the days leading up to it with beloved friends made my heart sing. As we were stamping programs, mixing cake pops, or waiting to arrive at our next photographic destination side conversations erupted, picking up from where we last left off. If sitting next to Sarah J, you’d retell your birth story. If next to another unnamed brides-matron, you were introduced to the Spice it Up club. We took inappropriate pictures, eked on the groom for boob grabs and in general allowed ourselves to be our saucy, inappropriate selves. It’s refreshing to not constantly try hard to impress or explain, defend or deprecate yourself.

Before Al took her march down the aisle we took a moment, as custom dictates, to pray for and over her. These expressions of gratitude for the woman that sits in the center of the circle are more than a quick “thank you and God bless.” Though a holy bond is formed in the sanctuary, a holy moment of love between friends always precedes it.

At times I forget that my experience doesn’t speak for everyone, so as the big day progressed, the comments we heard began to surprise me more and more. The photographer expressed that of all the weddings she’d covered, none had a moment as touching as our time of prayer and celebration for the bride. And later another bridesmaid remarked how we, as a group, were so good to Al in complying with the details that made the day her own. We don’t just “put up” with such instruction, we encourage it.

To our group, it’s second nature. It’s love. Does it require us to think less of ourselves at times? For sure. Do challenges arise? All the time. But these women have made me a better wife because of the way they continue to love unconditionally and in the little things.

Years and miles separate us, but experiences and love keep us close. Though we trudge through the daily grind in our own element, each of us has yet to experience a major life change without one or 5 of the others convening in her presence.

Each of us have changed, some in significant ways, others in less notable. But it doesn’t seem to matter. Because a friend loves at all times. We didn’t start this journey loving one another because we were all the same; nor will we stop because someone doesn’t fit into the same box she used to. And I love that I see this side of friendship in the context of a wedding, because it’s true of a couple as well. Love isn’t conditional. You can’t stop loving because the person isn’t exactly the same as the journey started.

My friends, my beloveds, teach me this every time I’m around them. They show me what it looks like to care deeply, even for the seemingly insignificant and trivial elements of life. They illustrate that interest means asking questions, sharing experiences, being honest and withholding judgment.

Romans 12:⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in love.Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor,serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

She looks wonderful tonight

June 28, 2012 / Michele Minehart

Twitter exploded in conversation this week around teen girls and image thanks to the bravery of a young woman asking magazines to tone down the airbrushing (to follow the conversation: #KeepItReal). The stats tossed out in support of the movement make me want to cry, shout or find a teen girl and give her a hug.

The number one magic wish for young girls age 11-17 is to be thinner. (@PigtailPals)
80% of 10-year-old girls in the U.S. say they’ve been on a diet. (@Feministing)
78% of 17 yr-old girls are unhappy with their bodies (@RepresentPledge)
53% of 13 year old girls are unhappy with their bodies. That number increases to 78% by age 17 (@PigtailPals)

In.Sanity.

Now, we all know that 87% of statistics are made up on the spot. However, I think we can use studies to help color the picture where we already see shape.

But the challenge: to be part of the solution. I agree with the “68% of women strongly agree that “media & advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most woman can’t ever achieve.” (@Shisham).

And we all know I’d happily throw corporate greed and decision making under the bus. But corporate greed and decision stems from consumer spending. We can’t angrily shake our fist in the air while slipping them the $3.75 per issue and not take ownership. How we act informs what is published – not solely, but it’s part of the equation.

So how do we treat eating and weight and image in our homes? What remarks to do we give to our daughters, mothers and friends? How do we emphasize health, celebrate successes and encourage confidence in our bodies? What was the last complement you gave another woman about their looks that didn’t involve asking where they purchased a product? (“The cut of that dress looks great on you!” differs largely from “I love green! Is this the new Old Navy Classic Tee?”)

It’s not a secret that I’ve changed my eating habits. And honestly, I begrudgingly succumbed to the idea for the sake of my baby’s buns. I’ve really missed yummy treats. A byproduct of my grainless lifestyle cost me several trips to the store as my pants kept falling off. I dropped about 3-4 pants sizes through the process (keep in mind I was less than 6 months postpartum as a starting size and I started working out pretty regularly in this time as well). My physical appearance noticeably changed.

I’ve watched others’ reaction to my reduction like a science experiment, and what I found fascinated me. I could put tally marks around different responses, the fewest being along the lines of “You look really great // you lost some weight” and most common: … … chirp, chirp…

My fortunate position in this experiment lies in that I don’t care what people think. I’m not “loosing weight.” I can’t really help it, other than to eat twice as much trail mix (which gets pretty expensive). So my eating decisions depend little on how others perceive my “success.”

However.

For a large majority of those seeking to attain a particular body shape or size, positive reinforcement plays a role. And I wonder if it’s opposite our natural inclination. Let’s do some assumptive thinking to get to my point.

What if people’s perceptions of my weight loss were amiss, assuming I’d done something unhealthy or with less upright motives? At the most severe: what if they thought I was anorexic?

And what if they (somewhat rightly) thought: I don’t want to encourage this behavior.

And what if they thought: I don’t want to complement her on something that might encourage her to continue down this path. So logically, “if I say nothing, she won’t get the positive reinforcement and perhaps stop.”

And I wonder: for someone who struggles with the image issues, how would the lack of feedback be interpreted? My guess: try harder.

Now this theory depends largely on several set of assumptions and lacks true scientific study. But I think it makes sense.

So here’s my small little suggestion to help change the tide of body image of young girls: remind them how great they look. Don’t judge their motives. Don’t feed the monster of starvation by withholding love and encouragement. Lay down your pride and congratulate someone who has met a goal or found reward for their hard work. Most importantly, let them know that beauty isn’t a number.

Pretty has no quota. If someone else looks good, there’s no less “looking good” for yourself. Actually, it’s reverse. Because the confidence of someone who can give an honest complement enhances physical appearance (there has to be a study out there somewhere to prove this hypothesis). At least it does in my eyes.

Sleeping with a faith blankie

June 27, 2012 / Michele Minehart

Over the course of the past few weeks, I’ve read two memoir-ish books which pulled the sheet off of my faithless lifestyle. Behind the curtain it appears I believe largely in the power of God, but after experiencing how others prayed and listened and waited, my own faith seems bare boned.

Part of it lies in my lack of trust for the horse & pony show-type public faith of some. Another part is my cynical nature and dry humor. My highly cerebral nature. My tendency for Armchair Participation (you know, directing and providing commentary without ever getting out of my comfy leather seat). I believe that God can, I’m just not sure He will nor that He should.

But I have a prayer that I really, really, really want him to answer. It’s a prayer that can see the other side and says, “Sure, we’d be okay if you didn’t. We’d make it. But we really want this.” I want everything to be okay in ways that makes it difficult to catch my breath.

After S/Paul’s conversion, people would find scarves and hankies and clothing hat had touched his skin and took them to others to be healed. Paul didn’t bid them well and say, “here, take a piece of my magic blankie.” But likely taking cues from the Bleeding Woman, their faith brimmed to the point where they believe that touching the cloak would be the tipping point. I’m jealous of their seemingly sketchy faith.

I’m totally one of those disciples sitting in the boat saying, “This does not make sense. I’m glad for you, Peter, that you found a way to walk on water. But nothing about this situation says it will work for me.”

I’m insanely jealous of faith that allows them to rub a snotty rag on their arm and the rash disappears. I’m jealous that they know (in a more-than-theoretical way) they can claim the faith of others as their own when they can’t muster the words or the power.

Sometimes it’s scary to believe. To put yourself out there and trust when everything in you says that God doesn’t have to listen. He can, He could and you hope that He would. But who am I to make demands of God?

I’m not afraid of being wrong. I’m afraid of being disappointed. I set the bar of expectations for God to work so low that he can slide his feet over it without tripping. Sure, I can tell you he’s a high jumper. But why allow room for hope to be deflated? So live in the realm of I do not have, because I do not ask.

Here’s what I need right now: I need someone with that living, down-in-the-bones belief to infect me. Not the soft sentiment of learning a “life lesson” through whatever happens. Not the cheesy responses that turn into Todd O’Neal songs. But I want to stand beside someone who has heavy-lifting faith. Someone who isn’t afraid to trust and set the bar high and does so in ways that don’t lead to selfish gain (because, quite honestly, I’m tired of the stories of finding money in the trash can. That’s nice. But how have others‘ lives been changed by your good fortune?).

I want to sleep with the blankie of a heavy hitter in the faith stadium and know that somehow, in some crazy celestial way, it can rub off. I’ll only need to borrow it for a little while. Please. Or perhaps just tear off the silky edge.

(David Crowder once again says it better than I can – I need words from the Can you hear us album. Excuse the amateur editing.)

Category: Uncategorized (Page 76 of 188)

A friend’s a friend forever

She looks wonderful tonight

Sleeping with a faith blankie

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