Category: Uncategorized (Page 64 of 188)

Truth be known, I do tend to emit a bit of energy. When in high school, one of my favorite teachers used to tell me that if she could just “bottle up some of that energy”. She was beating breast cancer at the time, so I assumed she was just tired. But as that comment seems to circle me frequently – I’m always awed by the exact wording – I’m guessing she meant something different. (I actually try not to think about it too often or I get a tad self-conscious. “Bring it down a notch, Michele” I try to say. To no avail.) 

So one might accurately guess that the reoccurring dispute in our household might be in regards to the extreme to which action is required. My answer, roundabouts 90% of the time, is full throttle. Simply put, if change is needed, then worthwhile change it should be. 

I’ve been struck lately with just how easy I could allow myself to buy into the “fulfilling life” of regularity. While I feel no need to ensure that my years are filled with African safaris, summers at the Cape or hitting the social scene of the big cities, I doubt Saturdays at the soccer fields* and the newest Touring model will meet my inner longings. Mothering stands at the top of my list of “most worthwhile ways to spend my time” but it fails to fulfill the depths of my soul. There. I said it. 

Life as a mother (and wife) fill the bulk of my time and energy, but if I’m not careful it could claim more than its share. I’ve been eavesdropping with a critical ear the many messages culture feeds to us in regards to what is required of good parents. I don’t like what I hear. 

The song the world Middle-class America seems to be singing goes to the tune of trade in your time and money for “convenience” because you should be involved in 13 activities you’ve outsourced to “professionals” as it comes to making your kids happy and well-rounded. And maybe you can pick up a friend or two while you wait patiently on the sidelines. For your turn. With your kid. 

Here’s where my “intensity” sets in: what if we were to say no? What if I took back all my commitment from pre-arranged meetings to show my kids that I value their childhood by centering them on something other than themselves? And in that space, introduce them to the many things in which they – we – might enjoy? We could trade in practices and drills for time in the backyard. We could trade in hours of youth group activity for praying with our kids, maybe even dusting off the Bible and telling a story. We could trade in Happy Meals for family dinners. What could life look like if we just. said. NO? 

Perhaps we’d discover the depths of our relationships, familial and otherwise. Perhaps by being home more often and claiming time as our own rather than falling victim to its speed, we could be intentional about developing friendships out of more than shared circumstance. We’d be drawn to friends’ interests, passions and ways of seeing the world. You would spend time with people because you enjoy them, not because they’re the most tolerable of available options. 

I know many people who live fulfilling lives making the circus work. They develop deep and lasting friendships from the bleachers. They happily carve out ways to make it all happen like a choreographed production. I’m thrilled for them and don’t see their contentment as a lesser version of anything. If you’re happy, I’m happy with you and want nothing else from you. 

I’m just not much of a dancer.  

I’m not advocating for improvements on something that works for many – I’m yearning for an altogether different option for someone who finds little luster in the current patterns. I’m not targeting youth soccer or math club or dance recitals. I’m talking about the entire landscape. Ahem. The American Dream. The idea that what we do trumps who we are veiled in the dazzle of participation ribbons. 

But, as I commonly ask, what does that look like? And I beg the questions that I’ll be hearing later: how do you make sure your kids aren’t weird? What if it’s something they want to do? Someday your vote gets smaller – what will you do then? 

I don’t know. 

I have no freaking idea. 

But something in me screams there must be another way. The more I read the words of Jesus, I believe. There’s always another way. 

Narrow gates. Few enter.

Jesus asking, “do you want to leave me, too?” Everybody else did. 

“These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who build his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit – but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock. But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don’t work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. [Who doesn’t want to be part of the beachfront property owner club?**] When a storm rolled in and waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards.” (-Jesus, The Message, Matthew 7:24-27)

2. I’m a fan of lakes and all the pictures I see include large bodies of water. Clearly every house in Canada is on a lake. 

3. Their Thanksgiving is in the midst of apple season as opposed to pumpkin/gourd season. I love apple pie much more than pumpkin pie (especially with the crumbly top). 

4. They’ve already got their healthcare thing figured out. Not a statement of being pro- or against national health care, but rather a statement of jealousy that they’re already done with all these arguments. 

5. My favorite food is breakfast and they’ve got that maple thing going on. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. 

6. I went to a hockey game once and discovered I liked Canadian beer much better. 

7.  [Why would you move to Canada? Or where would you move?]

Today my kids inadvertently learned that some people don’t have enough food to eat. I didn’t aim to make it a “teachable moment” but when I mentioned that I was buying food for the local food pantry, H Boy didn’t quite follow what I was saying. That some people might not have food was a foreign concept to him. 

The second lesson of the day centered around internal conflict while walking past boxes of pasta and beans. The plight centered around our contribution to the church’s food pantry and my basic and strong convictions that half of what is sold at the grocery qualifies as “food” in only the sense that it is, in fact, edible.

Food pantries notoriously need non-perishable items because of the nature of their work. We just don’t know how long an item will sit on the shelf before heading home, let alone be opened. So the list of needed items contained canned soup, boxed pastas and pre-packaged meals. Do you know what keeps those meals consumable for months and years on end? Salt. 

Take a guess at the leading cause of death among those living in poverty (in the US) for ages 20-59. That’s right. “Diseases of the circulatory system.” (According to Google search, this is heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, atherosclerosis…). Yes, I’m sure stress plays a role in the health of those living in poverty, among other factors. However, ask anyone under a doctor’s care for these issues and they’ll say the instructions start with cutting out sodium. 

As I heard once, our problem with salt doesn’t come from a shaker. It comes from a can. 

But it’s exactly what is requested on behalf of those who deal with hunger on a regular basis. 

I actually said aloud, “Kids, I wouldn’t let you eat this.” Why would I want someone else’s kids to make a diet of it? Doesn’t loving others as I love myself translate into how we treat the body and the ways in which we nourish it? 

Some say, well, at least they’re eating. I agree, hunger is a real battle we’re fighting. But if we only focus on hunger and not nutrition, how will we help others live well? And is eating really the only goal? 

Others try to provide healthier versions of the requested foods, but I have trouble thinking my Aunt Annie’s will make a huge difference and instead I join the battle for cost-effectiveness. I could feed 3 families for the price of my one Aunt Annie’s purchase. Quantity over quality, right?

I’ve also heard, if they don’t care, why should I? But I’m not convinced people in poverty don’t care. Perhaps they just aren’t in a position to care to the same extent. Everyone has a choice, but the level to which we’re empowered to make difficult choices varies across economic status. 

JJ and I made a conscious decision to allow more freedom in the food budget for quality fruits, veggies and meats. We feel it will pay off in years to come in co-pays, deductibles and medical costs. But finding dollars in the pocketbook for good food isn’t the same option for everyone, including non-profits who feed the hungry.

In an ideal world, we would have means to buy fresh and cook food. We could provide places that those who lack appliances other than microwaves would be able to prepare a meal for their families. I suppose, in an ideal world we invite our neighbors,who we know are struggling, to eat from our own table, in communion with us. Instead we give our conscious the excuse that “if they were hungry, there are places that can help them. I give food to the pantry every month. That’s what it’s there for.” 

I ended up purchasing as many seemingly better options – low-sodium soups, canned chicken and tuna, the spaghetti sauce we buy with considerable less sodium, and the requested pastas and mac ‘n cheese. But I need to say a prayer as I deliver these goods that we move in a direction of health for all people, not just the ones who can afford it. I still don’t know what that looks like, but I know $0.87 mac ‘n cheese doesn’t have the answer.