Category: Uncategorized (Page 165 of 188)

today started rough. it’s been 6 months since H’s diagnosis and we still don’t have hearing aids – they’re not even ordered. there have been lots of requests, but red tape has won every round. today in the midst of 17 phone calls to anyone i could get to listen i just wanted to shout, “i DON’T know what the H i’m doing, can someone please just throw me a friggin’ bone?!” but alas, mike in the next cube over also does not know how to go about getting hearing aids for infants.

the largest frustration was that i felt as if i was being treated as a stupid, lazy mother for not having all my paperwork. (which, in my defense, is incorrect – i do have the paperwork, it was an audiologist that didn’t sign something and therefore led to another rejection). i’m going to guess that 9 of 10 new mothers can’t tell you what BCMH stands for let alone how to forward on a letter of approval to get a pre-approval for the hearing aid you need.

why, oh why, do we not have just an ounce of grace for one another? i do it too… i consistently make fun of resumes i find. spelling, dumb email addresses, funny phrases – there’s nothing really that’s not game for a copy / paste to a co-worker’s IM. but why? there’s a large number of people out there who haven’t put together a resume since… well, for some – ever. can’t i overlook the offenses of the few who haven’t been as fortunate as i to currently have a job?

i had a long, ongoing conversation with a friend today via IM. she is “good people”. funny, witty, smart and very talented. capable of having intelligent conversation about serious topics that run the gammet or sending hilarious emails about monkeys and cupcakes.

i’m a pretty avid reader of the soulemama blog (see my followings). there’s something that i find there that is rich, pure and good. i can’t always put a word to use in describing it. it’s just… good. it makes me want to live…. better. it makes me want to shed my pettyness of making fun of resumes and enjoy all the things the world has to offer.

one of my favorite verses in the message translation says, “Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!” (2 corinthians 6:11-13; yes for those of you who have been in my living room, this is the painting).

i think living petty, making others feel lowly, is one way of living a small, fenced in life. No one fences us in, we do it to ourselves by trapping ourselves in meanness, in selfishness. my coworker and SoulMama live large. their eyes see the whole picture, their world is bigger than their immediate surroundings. my day looks puny in comparison, but there’s no one to blame but me.

it was a whirlwind weekend and jj and i finished it by sitting out on the deck, making remarks that it feels like summer is nearly over. it is not, mind you – it’s barely mid-july. but the calendar is full and we have a pretty tight-packed week approaching, so i guess we’re just feeling a squeeze. he was looking around at the tinkering projects he was hoping to accomplish this summer while off of class, but i reminded him that those project can just sit there in exchange for taking henry to the pool, like we did today.

i finished my book, in defense of food. it really was a fabulous read, and if you’re not into nutrition biochemistry, i recommend just reading the last section. a particular angle i appreciated was that it’s not that the items on your current plate are evil and poisonous, but that they push the best stuff off the plate. example? in general, we’re over-meated. we need plants for several essential vitamins and minerals – we can’t live without them because we can’t produce them. however, there’s only one vitamin in animal meat that we can’t produce (and apparently we can get it from moldy veggies? i think i’ll go with a low-dose meat diet, please…). it’s not that meat is bad for us. but the more space on the plate we give meat, the less room for the veggies. i like this approach because a) it doesn’t necessarily villianize “sometimes foods” and b) it requires me to think about what i’m giving up when making a decision.

i think that as a culture we’ve shorted ourselves too much in this area. we go for what we think will fill us best, but without realizing it we’ve pushed the good stuff off the plate. if we’re not careful, the yard tinkering that we’re dying to do will eat away at the space necessary for taking henry to the pool. it’s not that the yard tinkering is bad. but life is not the sum of completed projects – when i reflect upon my life, trips to the pool will definately come to mind before the untouched flower bed on the deck.

i feel like we have been trained to consume. we take things in, allow them a place in our lives and never give much thought to why they are there. but slowly they begin to eat up space on the plate and our lives are suddenly full of cotten candy, that has the appearance of sustance, but quickly melts away and leaves you thirsty.

every so often i feel the push for some self reflection (in the past i’ve been fortunate enough for that to coincide with Annual Advance, when i can dig out my Life Plan) and i’m feeling the familiar tug. what in my life is just taking up space, offering little to encourage a healthy life (not just of the body)? what is filling the plate simply because i’ve mindlessly put it on, not because i’ve intentionally decided this is something that would add to my experience (rather than thinking “well, it won’t hurt anything”)?

to live deliberately, in the true sense of the word, is to live “from freedom” (thanks, pollan). i’d like to begin the adventure of living in a way that i don’t feel compelled to mindlessly accept things, but rather to choose what is going on my plate.

right now there are 5 ladies in the kitchen putting together a taco bar, several men playing corn hole with baby on hip and several of us gnoshing in the living room. we’re figuring out who is sleeping where – which couple is on the floor, who will share the room with baby grant, and explaining our victory in rearranging the master bedroom to fit an air mattress in there.

the kids are running around, some are extremely tired. naps have went by the wayside. schedules are off. people are sitting on the floor… and no one really cares. kimberly said, “grant and i decided that if we had to buy a tent we would because it’s worth it to be here.”

it’s not easy fitting 29 people in a normal house, cooking dinner, and figuring out sleeping for most of us. however, 98% of us do it with a smile on our face. we get irritated. sometimes we have to step into the bathroom for a moment of peace and quiet.

but it’s soooo good. i love that my kid(s) are growing up with so many cousins. i love that everyone is working so hard to be cooperative, thinking of what is best for everyone, not just ourselves. i love that my kid(s) will grow up learning these skills by watching us try to figure it out.

“community” is the buzzword nowadays. but when i’m here, with all these wonderful people, it’s not just a concept but a reality. it’s realistic because it’s not easy nor perfect, but we appreciate each other more than the convenience of getting our own way.