Category: parenting (Page 10 of 14)

Mommy’s First Christmas

I realize my oldest turned 5, but in many ways this seems to be my first Christmas playing the mother role. We’ve celebrated each year, but in effort not to set expectations too high from the start – coupled with a consistent lack of money and generous grandparents – we’ve kept our Christmas morning family celebrations on the simple side. We’ve wrapped a few presents, filled stockings and rallied excitement, but generally I was able to complete “Christmas shopping” for the kids in one fell swoop. 

The day after Thanksgiving, it became apparent that a key change happened with the 5th birthday, leaving me to change my tune. When JJ told the kids we were going to pick out the Christmas tree, H boy bubbled over in excitement. At one point I heard him exclaim, “I love Christmas! All the lights! All the presents!” 
Not only did I marry Clark Griswald, but I’ve produced his offspring.

Christmas tree selection. We’re not allowed to find it in the first row. 

While it’s not his “first Christmas” this is the first one that the boy can really remember the last one. The years prior he expressed a lot of excitement in the moment, but this was the first time he began to recollect his favorite elements: the train around the bottom of the tree, the lights, and leaving a treat for Santa. Before he did this because we told him to. Now he’s excited by his own volition. 
Now we’re not going through the Christmas motions to set the tone. It’s opening night. Suddenly I’m figuring out exactly how many gifts each kid should have and – as my sister pointed out – including the baby or Santa will look like a jerk. I’m not able to toss a few stocking stuffers in the cart while the kids are along because they have memories like elephants and there would be no stashing it away.

This marks my first year playing Santa for real. In the past we’ve let the extended family gatherings suffice for gifts but now we’re building our own traditions. We’re living as our own unit in a new way because now the kids are remembering “this is what we do at Christmas.” Which brings along its own set of stresses and considerations because I want to do it right – I want to emphasize the real reason for the season and encourage the giving aspect, not just the getting.

So, here’s to it. What an adventure. 

Our fear of growing wings

When I don’t get dinner on the table until late, the kids devour whatever is presented. So I shouldn’t be surprised when H Boy eats 2.5 large pieces of chicken. He had just asked for another half a piece and I remarked, “you’re going to turn into a chicken!” He looked at me funny, so I ran with it. 

“Oh, look! Your nose is turning into a beak!” He ran to the bathroom to check. 
When he came back out I could tell he was concerned, so I let the gig drop. “I’m just teasing, honey, you’re not turning into a chicken.” But it was lost on him. 
“I’m not going to eat any more chicken. My belly’s full,” he said. 
And my heart kind of broke a little. 
Not necessarily because we were teasing, (I asked later and he said it didn’t make him feel sad or scared.) but because tonight was an induction into something I have dreaded to experience with my little ones. 
He walked into the cold, lonely world of covering his inadequacies with falsities. 
He covered his nose with his hands but he declared that it was his belly that was speaking. He used his words as protection, even when they weren’t true. 
Maybe there’s a little guilt at the fact his own mother brought this on, but mostly I’m sad for the world that awaits him. I’m the first to admit the joys are bigger and stronger and brighter than the sorrows – I believe that with everything that is in me. But man, the world is far from perfect and the battle to navigate it with dignity and grace can be a painful one. 
Little man, you are enough. I’ll sing it ’til I’m blue in the face. You’re enough and you’re loved and you’re beautiful. Even with a beak and wings and chicken legs, you’re worthy of love. This world will try to convince you otherwise and that’s when Satan will whisper in your ear, “You’re all alone. No one else has ever felt this way. Everyone else is normal.” And it’s simply. not. true. 
We all cover our nose and talk about our bellies when all we want is someone to love us when all the imperfections show. 
I promise, I will. I always will. 

Called to an apron

Last night while JJ was bathing the baby, I recalled one of my favorite memories from serving the church. On the last night of our mission trip to Mexico, one of the adults on the trip washed the feet of his high school aged son. I was supposed to be the leader of the trip, and there I was, hiccuping back my tears. (Let’s be fair: everyone was crying. It was the last night of the trip, we were inspired from the work and teaching, and dead tired. They probably had Michael W. Smith playing in the background.)

Why is it when one washes a 4-month-old, it’s called parenting, but when the feet are 16 years old, it becomes servanthood?
Not to take away from the service of rearing small children – I do this daily, and I liken it to service. But I’ve never cried at bath time – at least, not over the power of the moment of washing my children. 
Perhaps service becomes more powerful when we do something for those who could do it for themselves. 
“Service”generally gets paired with those who need help – we feed the hungry, educate the poor, provide clothes and medicine for the sick. These are good things and we need to continue to do them – out of respect for humanity, following the example of Jesus, under the command of God to live justly and have mercy. 
But I might not categorize these as service. These are alms, caring for those who Jesus holds dear, the least of these. 
When Jesus talks about becoming a servant, he’s washing the feet of grown, capable men. And not just men who want the best for him – he’s washing the feet of his betrayer. 
In our culture, we value the power of the pulled bootstrap. We want self-sufficiency and productivity. One of my goals as a parent is raise contributing members of society – and these are not bad things. But I’m not sure they were the goal  or example of Jesus. 
The 5-year-old is now in some sort of laziness stage, asking us to do all kinds of tasks that he has been doing for years – getting a glass of water, retrieving his socks from the drawer, putting away toys. My response sometimes is frustration – do it yourself, child! I wonder, though, if the example set before me in John 13 is put on the apron and serve. To live an example that I will serve those who are capable because I love them. 

We worry about this kind of service, probably out of fear that we’re being taken advantage of – a power struggle. I heard a message by Jonathan Martin where he said, “We’re all about being a servant until someone starts treating us like one.” That’s our fear: that people use our service as an excuse to lower our status. Our hard-earned climb. 
But the entire story of the upper room began with, “Jesus knew that the Father had put him in complete charge of everything, that he came from God and was on his way back to God. So he got up from the supper table, set aside his robe, and put on an apron.”(John 13:3). It ends with the command, “If you understand what I’m telling you, act like it – and live a blessed life.” 
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