Category: aspirations (Page 4 of 5)

Cure for the broken heart

A conversation with H Boy went from God being in our heart, to where our heart is, to the idea of a broken heart. He had all kinds of questions about what might break someone’s heart and how it could be put back together.

I thought, someday he’s going to endure a broken heart. And I will want to break the girl’s kneecap.

Our motherly instinct is to protect. We figure out how to teach, guard and stave off the encroaching threats to the tenderness of these little hearts. Even when they’re 16, 25 and 54, they’ll be our little hearts. We want nothing to bruise them.

My friend Patty B, one of those people everyone should meet, signed her email with an old Hasidic saying:

“It is not within our power to place the divine teachings directly in someone else’s heart.  All that we can do is place them on the surface of the heart so that when the heart breaks they will drop in.”

We cannot force anything any more than we can protect from everything. Indeed, these are 2 sides of the same coin. Our job is neither to shield nor to shovel but to plant. From birth to 18, it’s all planting season. And as Paul puts it, we can plant and we can water but no one but God can make it grow.

Image via CC - muffinn.

Image via CC – muffinn.

The heart breaking, though excruciating, can be the conduit to greater capacities. It can open the floodgates. A broken heart is an open heart, one able to fully receive love if it has been amply planted and is readily available. Similarly, when unsupported, it could shut down the whole machine.

Seeds of hope, of grace, of mercy. Seeds of love, love, love. Seeds of acceptance, of value, of worth.

This is our best work. Not to raise children who escape life unscathed with love shallowly hidden under the surface, but to make it possible for the right seeds to get planted deeply within the heart as it cracks open.

 

 

Currently Changing My Life: Overfield

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It’s so hard to live your values.

I want my kids to become independent and brave, willing to do what the herd may not consider. This means allowing (and even modeling) a tendency to question. Oh, the questions. If someone came up with a tax policy to compensate those who stay home with small children, a per-question rate needs to be involved. But this is how children learn, by asking  how things work, why something would react in such a way and wondering what would happen if...

I even want my children to (respectfully) question authority and systems of power in place. However, this means allowing them to question my own authority and even my intentions when I set parameters for behavior in our home. On more than one occasion, I’ve chatted with my friend Katie about these challenges, lamenting, “it’s so hard to live your values!

So when I see someone living their values, even when it’s hard, I’m inspired. I believe, again, it’s actually possible to live your ideals. I think to myself, “See! I can do it!”

Enter: The Overfield School. This is not a place where I drop my children off for a few hours and outsource my educational and parenting responsibilities. They won’t send my kids through an assembly line that magically transforms them to match an ideal prototype. That’s not what they do and that’s not what I need. Instead, the people of the Overfield community walk alongside our family in helping to develop our children into thoughtful, strong, brave and kind little humans.

Last year, and many years prior, Overfield had one of the best Fall Festival events around. Hay rides, pumpkins, face painting, games, pony rides and bounce houses. It was an all-out extravaganza which provided a fun afternoon and the lucrative raffle served as a primary source of funds for the school.

Yet the work required to host such an event required parents to burn candles at all ends. We had a few key families that put hours equivalent to a part-time (or full time!) job into the event and this year they simply could not take it on again. So, guess what Overfield leadership decided to do?

They decided to live their values.

How we spend our time and the way we marshall our energies are Reggio concepts central to the philosophy. As an organization, we believe in the power of play, the opportunity for exploration and that simple things make elaborate teachers. Our fall festival, while buckets of fun for many, contained an element of busyness and entertainment which simply isn’t a part of the Overfield DNA.

So they changed it.

This Saturday, Overfield families past and present are inviting the community to join us on the hill for an evening of what we do best: art in the meadow, songs around the campfire and hikes around the woods. It’s simple, it’s scaled-back and it’s Overfield. It’s an act of making space to savor the simple joys of childhood – as a family and as a group of families. Families will come to enjoy the evening together, sharing small shifts of work rather than being pulled into long commitments to make the festival happen. The sense of excitement around the campus for the event is electric, not exhausted. It feeds us rather than draining us.

Yes, Overfiled will have to make up the fundraising portion of the night in another way. From my view, leadership taking these steps of faith gives me courage to do the same. Most families that spend money on preschool have to rearrange the budget to do so, but we do it because we believe it’s worth it. We value it, so we’re trying to live like we do. No one promised it’s easy to live our values, only that it’s good. And when leadership puts its money where its mouth is, I’ll fall in line, wave a flag and become a cheerleader for the cause. These are the places that make me a better mom because they’re the places that teach my kids to be brave and make hard, but good, decisions, based on what we believe and not just what works or is easiest.

Often people wonder why we put our limited funds into something like preschool. But in the past few years, Overfield is much more than where my kids learn their letters. It’s a community of people who value certain things – like critical thinking, cooperative engagement and a lifelong love of learning – and we’re trying to instill them into our children the best we can. The communal aspect can’t be understated: when we do it together, and when we live our values as an organization, our families return home empowered to do the same.

In many ways, these preschool years have probably taught me the most of any of my educational experiences.

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When I wear a pretty necklace

Someone who is more on the cusp of fashion trends than myself informed me that gold is back in the accessory rotation. So this morning I repurposed a few jewelry pieces from my previous life, bracelets I hardly wore then and a necklace that made its virgin appearance.

I only chose it because I recently purchased a silver owl necklace, so I know it’s hip with the youngsters now.
Beyond its trendiness potential, I felt it was appropriate for today’s voyages. The necklace bears little market value, but reminds me of the worth of great character. My grandmother Mary put it in a Christmas stocking at some point prior to 1997 (seriously, it’s vintage) and I’m positive I rolled my teenage eyes at its lack of cool factor. It’s an owl. The sentimental chump that I am kept it because my grandma gave it to me.
Grandma Mary was always bestowing chintzy jewelry on us gals and probably anyone who gave her reason. She kept an entire drawer full of the stuff. It was Avon. So, yes, the neighboring drawer housed random perfumes, lip colors and whatever else she probably dumped on my mother and aunts.
I don’t believe Grandma Mary really loved Avon. She didn’t even wear Skin So Soft, except to fight the bugs. She was a tried-and-true Exclamation(!) fan.
She bought and bought the stuff because in her later years, her Avon Lady became her biggest ally. While the family was only about 30 minutes away, she lived mostly solo after my grandfather died and my grandma did not drive (like, ever. She didn’t have a license. “Except to church” she once said. “If a cop is going to pull me over going to church, then so be it.”)
So frequently the Avon Lady would make a call, grandma would buy a future present and then they’d go get groceries. Or medication. Or eat at Aunt Millie’s. Whatever Grandma needed to get to doing, the Avon Lady would help her do.
One time, the Avon Lady had to pick her up out of a snow drift. It was quite a winter but Grandma needed groceries. After arriving home, Grandma got a little to close to the snow drift and tumbled over. The poor thing ended up with a black eye but she told the story like a warrior.
Now that I’m older I have a much deeper appreciation for what the Avon Lady did for our family. She cared for a widow in ways that meant so much. She kept her safe, she kept her company. Grandma, the hairdresser she was, probably craved company and conversation more than anything else, especially on days she didn’t have her Bridge Club.
What a brave, honorable, generous thing to do, to give of your time every week to make sure a wonderful old lady could get her groceries and have a little lunch. Granted, who wouldn’t love to hang out with Grandma Mary each week? But people value their time. Giving it to someone else is probably one of the greatest gifts we can offer.
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