Author: Michele Minehart (Page 298 of 311)

question of the day: why is fun so much work?

i was chatting with a pal who recently took her boyfriend on quite the adventure. however, in wanting him to enjoy it SOOO much, she actually made him really angry and the day was a bit spoiled (well, only in the AM. fortunately they both “got over it”). but as the story was retold, it became quite clear – at the times we want most to have so much fun, it becomes work, stressful, almost a burden.

consider vacations. birthday parties. tailgating. weekend trips to the lake. all of these things intended for good but the devil of details gets in there and uses them for harm (mostly in the sense of destroying relational moments).

even well-meaning people wanting the best for others have a tendency to ruin good things. married people who just really want a friend to experience the joy of sharing life with someone gete a bit pushy (i may or may not be guilty of such actions while enduring the anticipation. please forgive me dave). or new parents, or soon-to-be grandparents, in the excitement of a new baby arriving quite possibly chatter and pester a bit too much in that waiting period (once again, probably guilty. please forgive me jill).

it’s almost like reverse envy. you wanting something – a feeling of joy – sooo much for someone else that it causes you to loose sight of the goal. you want someone to feel joy and in trying to bring it to them you cause problems and thus no joy. horrible cycle. i’m not sure why, but a visual of a mud pie comes to mind. our attempts are mud in comparison to the real thing.

today after church i mentioned that if i were to ever be on death row, my final meal would be macaroni grille’s pasta milano. hands down best dish. ever. apparently most people don’t think about what their death row dish would be.

i also think about funeral songs. if i were to die in the near future (and i hope i don’t!) i have a list of 3-4 songs i would like to be a part of my funeral.

so, in the vein of making weird lists, i can tell you that this weekend would make the cut for a chapter in the memoir of michele wingfield minehart. it started well with our first pictures of henry – so cute! they’ll be in by the end of the week. then mom and pops crashed at our pad for the night, so we had dinner with them and played the wii. we went to see alex’s hockey game with cousins rebecca and will, followed by brunch. i have such a wonderful time with my family, i cannot imagine not having them as a significant part of my regular social calendar.

jj and i had a low key evening on saturday, pizza and a movie. twas nice. the kid slept splendidly, as did mom.

this morning was church, and then “the friends” came over for breakfast. we’ve been making a regular outing of breakfast after church, but that puts a cramp in the pocketbook after a while, so i offered to put my heart shaped waffle iron to use. jj made eggs to order and the erfords had a ready supply of breakfast meats. bob evans has nothing on us.

there are lots of books out there (specifically in the world of church leaders) talking about building community, la de da, but it’s times like these that show me what the Body really looks like. it’s people who want to enjoy a homeade breakfast with you, even if you have to eat your waffles before your eggs are cooked. it’s handing off the baby so i can butter the toast. it’s the general chatter and excitement of waiting on jill to start having contractions. it’s the simple but demanding work of living life and letting others live it with you – not by looking through the window, but by joining you in the kitchen. they’ll find the forks, rinse the plates and let you serve them without feeling like they “have to return the favor.” it’s just part of who we are.

i love the peace that comes with knowing that i have friends and family that if i were to tell them the worst of news, there would be no fear of loosing their love.

Let me first say that H is a wonderful sleeper. in the world of new moms, i feel i’m toward the top of the well-rested pile, and for that i’m eternally grateful (i think God knows exactly what i can – and can’t – handle, and very little sleep isn’t high on my tolerance list). he naps through the day and goes to bed at night – he always has.

my problem is that there are lots of books out there on how to do it “right”. for every method there’s a countermethod. for every expert there’s a doctor. can a baby manipulate you? when? would they?

tonight we started to bed around 7 (our new bed time – that’s when the eyes get droopy and he starts doing his night night talk). got swaddled, into the crib. crying. lots of it. tried holding the pacifier in. tried swaddling one arm out (a goal of ours). thought maybe it was a dirty diaper. put him on the change table. instantly quiet. huh. diaper is dry. put him back in the crib. screams.

then it becomes a battle of the wills. i will not let someone who cannot use all 4 limbs manipulate me. but the crying! he was obviously, genuinely unhappy. back to the room.

so, he sounds a bit stuffy from the crying. saline up the nose, quick suction of the blue bulb (his favorite *sense the sarcasm*). shriek-like screaming. a little rocky. quiet.

in the crib again. silence.

WHAT THE HECK?! so i just spent some time on the blogs doing some self diagnosing, and if there’s one thing that will piss a mom off it’s to proclaim that her working method is bad for the baby. everyone had a different way of doing it. all of them said it works.

moral of the story? probably none. i’m sorry i’ve just wasted your last 5 minutes. but i think that i just have to learn that H is telling me something when he cries, so i should see what it is. my question is: when does a baby have both needs and wants? initially they just have needs. i have lots of wants. somewhere in the past 28.5 years i learned that i could get what i wanted by pretending it’s what i needed. does that happen at 6 months or 2 years? or 18? no, it’s before 18. i worked with youth and it was definately before jr. high :).

i also learned that there’s no “winner”. it’s not me against baby. we’re both learning how to live together, how to get the most out of our time in bed. i think the battle of the wills comes much later.

i know things like authority and control are issues parents face. i think they’re important for children. but when? i don’t think its now. i don’t think H actually believes he’s in control of anything. i told Ang once that i’m scared i’ll miss something because i don’t know i’m supposed to do it. like toys – i was afraid i wouldn’t give toys to the little guy because i would always just think he wasn’t old enough for it yet. she said, “no, you’ll just know.”

for now, i’m just going to bank on the “you’ll just know” philosophy for having some idea when my kid is trying to rule the roost. until then, i’m going to bed.