Author: Michele Minehart (Page 266 of 311)

there’s an irony in the fact that jj is watching the state of the union while i try to gather these thoughts into words. i fear that it’s not fully gathered, but i suppose you can watch the show unfold.

not long ago i was listening to a few friends discuss things that were going on in their lives and somehow the topic of the church’s (specifically the UMC) stance on abortion came up. my friend’s family feels very strongly that it’s not something the church should support and they’re starting to consider what that means for them. (*disclaimer: i have no idea what the official church polity is on the issue. i didn’t even google it.)

something was left unsettled, however, when i left the conversation. i started thinking about what it would mean to other people that the “church does not support abortion.”

i had a pretend conversation in my head later (let’s not pretend that you don’t all do that in the car, too…). what if i told my friend that that I, 5 years ago, had made that kind of decision? would the church stop supporting me? what would it’s people’s feelings be toward me? how would i fit into that group of people?

the conversation in my head continued. what if now, after i had been to that point, i have a heart, a leading to reach other women in that situation. what if i felt God leading me to help bring a voice to the pain, guilt, sorrow and shame that comes with making such a decision? would the church support my efforts? what does it mean to support someone who has – or IS – facing such a decision? can you not support an issue but support a person struggling with that issue? uh oh, this may open a bigger can than i thought: can you really “love the sinner but hate the sin?”

now, abortion is not my make-or-break issue. i feel like i blog about it frequently enough that it might appear that it is, but really it’s not. i have more make-or-break to me in how the issue is discussed and approached (oh, it got under my skin at election time!). and the reason the thoughts keep swirling around is because i’m wondering how many people are hurt by the way we talk about “issues.” in our vigor to march for a purpose, are there people who are trampled underfoot? surely there’s a healthy way to feel strongly about certain things. i think it’s a fair and valid opinion (of which i share) that it’s not ok that babies don’t know life. it’s a very sad thing. but is there a way to help slow or stop this sad thing from happening still while recognizing that there are thousands of people out there that this isn’t an “issue” – it’s a reality of life.

i listened to a few podcasts today, one about judging and one about doubt and questions in faith. seemingly there’s not a lot of connections between the two, but in actuality i heard the same message repeated. walking with God is not about being right. it’s about trusting God and loving others. God has never called on us to know the answers. But he has called us (repeatedly) to love others.

those that would disagree with me would say i’m wishy washy. that we can’t just go around telling people to do whatever they feel because we “love” them. but that’s not what i’m saying. opinions and convictions are fine and good. we need people to take a stand on detrimental actions in our society. walmart, consumerism and processed foods need to be dealt with! but not in ways or with words that hurt people.

now, i’m not a huge dr. phil fan; i never watch him. but i do know that he often challenges married couples by saying, “do you want to be right or do you want to be married?” if you know me you know that i need to be asking myself this regularly – i love to be right. when someone tells me, “yeah, you’re probably right,” i typically respond “i usually am!”

but now i want to want to be loving over being right. not that i have to eat my convictions (and there are a lot of things i feel strongly about…). but i want the desire to put my knowledge and opinion out there in an effort to change someone else to decrease – well, that is, when it’s an effort to change someone so that they’ll become more like me. we could use a little less of me in the world, and perhaps maybe a little more of Jesus.

so i’m asking myself that question a little more often. is this an effort to be right or loving? in my marriage, my family, my friendships and my attempts to follow Jesus. what are my “issues” that it is more important for me to be right than for the person to know that they are loved?

(and if you’re tempted to comment about the actual issue of abortion, i challenge you that you completely missed the point of this entire post).

we’re entering a series at church of a study of the gospel of mark. this past fall was the NT challenge, and several dedicated individuals in the church read the entire NT in a small number of days. jj and i were not a part of that dedicated crowd, i won’t lie. but i’m very impressed by the people who followed through. now we’re going to slow down just a bit and read the entire gospel (mark’s version) over a period of time. this week’s “homework” was to read the gospel of mark in one sitting. again: failure. i didn’t even get through it in a week. but i did give more of an effort to this assignment then the previous.

part of my problem is that i like to appraise on thoughts as they arrive. when this or that catches my attention, i want to ponder. not necessarily a bad thing, but not conducive to speed reading mark. however, i read much larger chunks than usual, and i’m quite thankful because this post was born.

first was the story of feeding the 5k. it starts by the disciples gathering together with jesus after just having been sent out to do a bunch of ministry – healing, preaching, proclaiming, whathaveyou. they gather together and jesus says, “lets go off by ourselves and rest – we’ve been on the go, you haven’t even had time to eat!” so off they go and, lo and behold, the crowd follows them. then it’s dindin time and they’re hungry.

this was supposed to be a restful retreat with jesus. it was time for the disciples to be fed, not serve as waiters. so i can understand just a little bit of their feeling when they tell jesus, send them home! when jesus asks how much food they have, it’s 5 loaves, 2 fish. not much. but he says to serve it anyway. so they do, and in return there’s a dozen baskets left. more than what they started with.

this is a wonderful story of faith, of serving, of looking beyond what is right in front of you. but i was most caught by the pericope that followed not even a few chapters later. it’s a climatic moment, no doubt, when jesus asks the disciples “who do you think i am?” after Peter answers the Christ, Jesus gives a brief speech. the message puts it like this: Don’t run from suffering, embrace it. Follow me and i’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you? What could you ever trade your soul for?

i wonder if the feeding of the 5k (and then later, again, the 4k) was a precursor to what Jesus finally put into words. that the way of a fulfilling life is not self-preservation but self-giving. and there will be times that you’re tired – drained -and feel like people are just sucking the life out of you and now they want dinner. there will be times that you look at what you have to offer and say, it’s not enough.

but jesus says the way to find more is to give it away. by breaking the bread and offering it to others, the disciples ended up with a feast. and isn’t that the way it goes with love? when you preserve and protect you limit the love you are able to recieve.

in our culture today there’s this idea that you “always have to look out for #1.” that if you don’t take care of yourself first, you’re worthless to others. i think there’s a grain of truth there. i’ve been in ministry enough to know that extrovert hangovers exist for a reason. and if you’re not drawing in the water, you can’t pour it out. Jesus was habitually taking care of his own spiritual connection to the father in that he got up every day and prayed alone. he had “me time.” but never at the expense of others. never, when someone needed him, did he say, “you know, i could just use an evening in tonight. raincheck?”

i think about the dryest times in my life and they are, more often than not, also the lonliest. they’re the times that i’m making an attempt to focus on the self. they’re the times that i’m not connected and contributing to anything beyond my tummy or pocketbook. my relationships falter when i begin to think that they’re not serving me enough. but the better friend or wife or mother i try to become to others, the more fulfilling those relationships become.

Two nights in a row now i’ve had to call KLM to brag on my kid. i’ve seen some huge spurts in his development recently – he’s walking across the room, mimicking all kinds of sounds, following direction and generally just communicating with us really well. and he’s so stinkin’ tickled with himself for doing it, which is just out-and-out cute (you know the look… hands tucked under, chin shrugged out, eyes that say, “awww shucks… yeah, it was cute”)

i think every parent brags on their kids (or at least they should – and each should have a friend like KLM who is authentically excited with you), so i’m not outside of normal there. however, in the world of “competitive parenting” it does make things tricky. even if you’re not making comparisons, engaging in that conversation can portray you to be. and it’s extremely difficult not to compare it to your own experiences. i appreciate KLM’s excitment, not just because she knows a lot about development because it’s her job, but because she’s not measuring it to anything but a broad base of experiences – her excitement is not entangled with her perception of her own parenting.

it’s been quite a struggle to watch henry grow over the past year. i get lots and lots of assurances that he will be quite “normal”, that “he’s fine” and that i “worry too much.” those statements might be true (especially the last one), and they are often true about a lot of parents. if it weren’t true about lots of parents, the parenting magazines wouldn’t have anything to put in the articles.

but can i justify myself just a little bit? i think it’s quite a different experience raising a kid who, 10 days after he was born, you were told that he wasn’t “typical.” henry’s hearing loss is nothing like those stories on oprah of “i never thought he’d walk again”, but i’ve never known what it’s like to raise a child without people coming to my house every other week, telling me how to make sure that we’re “on track” and “hitting milestones”. if H develops a new skill, it gets documented and added to records with at least 4 letters acronyming something.

i watched the new fame the other night (quite good if you realize it’s made for a 13-year-old girl); partway through i started thinking about these kids going to an alternative school where the focus was the arts. many of the kids there were quite eccentric. now, being a person with little artistic or musical skill, i get quite jealous. but i started to question myself – how would i deal with having a kid who was, just… different?

and maybe i secretly wanted that for H because then he would be different on the upside rather than the downside. he’d be set apart because of all the talent he has and not the lacking of something else… in this case, several decibles of hearing capacity.

henry really is ok. in the world of issues that kids can have, we’re on the nearly-insignificant side. i do try to keep the big picture in mind. there’s lots of very-normal-ness that comes with this little boy. i will NOT be that mother who demands he get to play his choice of t-ball position because he “has a condition.”

but on the other hand, i know few other parents who are making a priority of practicing their “Ling 6” sounds while playing with toy rings. when their kid hits a big milestone or puts together their first sentance, they’re excited to watch them explore the world in a new way – and not just sighing relief that it did indeed happen in the “normal” range.

KLM told me once that “there’s nothing wrong with henry, there’s just something wrong with his ears” and it’s very true. there’s nothing “wrong” with him. and what if he puts his first sentance together 2 months after the time he’s expected to? this is where i just need to get over (or through) it. i would just celebrate, 2 months later than expected, that my son is experiencing the world in a new way. the point of life isn’t where you fall on the graph, is it? according to miley it’s about “the climb” (can i get some financial endorsements by quoting her twice in one week?). when henry brings home the girl he wants to marry, i’m sure we won’t pull out the IFSP and brag on his age-appropriate development. at least, that’s not the type of mother i want to become.

so, it’s something to work on. we’ll keep doing our ling 6. i’ll keep enjoying it the more and more he mimics and participates. and i’ll keep trying to stop worrying “if this is normal” and i’ll just keep loving on a little boy that brings so much joy just by being who he is. especially when he gets that kackle-like laugh.