Author: Michele Minehart (Page 255 of 311)

It was that time of the month again: bookclub. And after making my efforts as the hostess with the mostest (I broke out allllll the stock: artichoke dip.), I thought I would offer some advice to the blogging world of bookclub seekers on how to start a bookclub.

The morning after bookclub, after all our friends are inundated with “I LOVE BOOKCLUB” status updates, we are frequently asked “how does it get started?” and it’s easy, really. Go book shopping with a motivated friend that possesses the capacity to follow through and she does it for you. But if JE isn’t your BFF, then simply find one or 2 bookwormy friends, have them each invite a friend or two (I believe that 6-7 is the perfect number for the group). Pick a night to get together. Then lay out the next 6 gatherings and decide who is hosting when. Soon enough you’ll be so successful that you’ll desire to have a “bookclub rush” where you could try out new members before committing to letting them joining your group. Perhaps some hazing to see if they can adhere to Section A, Article 3. You have to be choosy as Bookclub breakups are brutal – nearly as bad as switching hair stylists.

So, a few pointers for making the rest of bookclub come together. In my typical fashion, this shall be done in list form.

Criteria for bookclub invitees:
1. Loves to read. Diligence at finishing a book, even a bad one, earns 2 extra points.
2. Loves cream cheese. There’s a 99.9% chance it’ll show up in a dish at every gathering, so she better love it. And she can’t use the fat free imitation crap. (The 1/3 less fat is acceptable if using more than one block in a dish and the other is the full-fat version).
3. Exhibits dedication and prioritizes. There is no skipping bookclub. Ever. JE Nearly lost her accreditation by missing. Thankfully we lost that warning on the cocktail napkin.

Criteria for book selection:
1. No pre-reading. You have to go in cold so that way if it’s a bad book, there’s grace for the picker. Everyone’s bound to have a bad one. Well, except JE – she always picks well. It saved her @ss when the cocktail napkin began circling around.
2. Avoid hardback-only books. Some people have slight obsessions with book purchasing and it really hits the wallet hard.
3. Avoid repeating authors. It just gives good variety.
4. Avoid anything with the word “physics” in the title.

Criteria for gathering together:
1. Always talk about the book. Even if it’s bad and even if no one finished. This is a cornerstone rule of bookclub. If your husbands ever found out, they’d shut it down and make you take the kids with you. But hold fast to the book discussion so that an honest rebuttal is so that you can “fully engage in the conversation about the book!”
2. Serving food that coordinates with the plot or setting of the book scores an extra 2 points, such as KL’s chinese-inspired dishes for Snowflower and the Secret Fan, JE’s comfort food for Plain Truth, KLM’s honey-infused meal for The Secret Life of Bees and my own carnival theme for Water for Elephants.
3. Chopping up plastic to go in the parfaits of the theme food deducts 2 points and you’ll never live it down.
4. If you pick a bad book, you’d better make good food. Period.
5. Ordering pizza for your turn to host is acceptable only on a limited basis and in extenuating circumstances – such as just having your appendix out, or being pregnant.

I hope you are well on the way to starting your own group… I know how much it has enriched my Thursday nights! What a wonderful bunch of women I’ve found!

So far I can say that Miss M and little H have provided nothing in similarity as it concerns their first 4 weeks of life. I told my aunt yesterday that they both eat, sleep and poop (well, one did the last better than the other), but the patterns and “normal” for each of them were nothing alike. Those who have a bit more experience with motherhood tell me it’s par for the course and I do believe them. Though the second time around is a bit easier because you somewhat know what to expect – and therefore worry a bit less – it also provides an added twist in that you’re constantly sidestepping the pothole called “it wasn’t like this with the last one.”

And I can appreciate that each experience is different. We didn’t want to have multiple kids because we wanted to repeat the last performance; we wanted to have multiple kids because we love what a variety of personalities will bring to the table. We don’t want 4 of little H – we want one H and one M (and the last 2 will be up for discussion on a case-by-case basis).

While I do try to keep that perspective in mind, that little pothole is hard to avoid, and I credit it’s gravitational pull to my constant attempt to control things. I like order and rhythm – knowing what to expect. When I run, I take the same course – every. single. time. I know what to expect, what time I should be logging at this turn and how to compare it to previous and future performances. But learning a new kid is anything but order and meeting expectations.

I’ve noticed the same tendencies in my approach to each day. Sometimes I just want the day to go in order. Anything throwing it off is seen as an obstacle. But recently I’ve decided to try to rectify such thinking. The goal for the day isn’t to repeat the previous day’s affairs. The goal for the day is to experience all that it has to offer. But thinking that what happened yesterday is the best I, or she, or God has to offer is is to completely limit the possibilities. 

Yes, I know how to manage yesterday. I know what to expect. I can control it. But that’s not the goal – either for daily living or for raising children. I didn’t sign up for this race because I’ve already conquered it but rather because I wanted to see what every twist and turn would be like.

So here’s to an attempt to appreciate every hill and valley and to enjoy the scenery of the day, even if it’s different than that of yesterday or than what I had in mind when I rolled out of bed in the morning. It is still a grand opportunity to love and enjoy the gifts I’ve been given.

Recently I stumbled upon an article at one of my favorite websites, Babble.com, about how to maintain your hipness after you enter the world of motherhood. Anyone who has seen me in the past 5 years knows that my hip-factor is below sub-par; I once told a friend that I planned my entire wardrobe around shoes: being able to wear my New Balance, that is. However, that being said, I do feel smug enough (or enough of a smarty pants) to challenge the author to a better “5 ways” than what she offered as advice. So here’s my go at it.

How to be a stylish mom

1. Always wear at least one thing you’ve purchased in the last 6 months. Face it, now that kids are in the mix, the funds are a bit… drier… and when it comes down to new shoes for you or that a.d.o.r.a.b.l.e. dress for a friend’s wedding, the kids almost always win. And if you’re like me, you were already wearing plain gap T’s from 1998, so relying upon the archives isn’t really a guaranteed upgrade. So, when mom gives you a giftcard for your birthday, resist the impulse to walk through the kids section and instead invest in those amazingly comfortable but uncharacteristically “in” shoes that you stumble upon. 

2. Mimic your idols. Find at least one fashionable friend (or cousin, if that’s the case) that you can ooh and ahhh over her finds. Though you may not replicate to the scale of such a diva, it at least serves as inspiration. College girls are another good source of material. I do not advocate my rival author’s advice of borrowing from a 13-year-old daughter because, well… I don’t want to look like a 13-year-old girl. Perky 24 year old? Perhaps. But nothing about the age of 13 says “child bearing hips” and renders all fashion advice ineffective.

3. Simplify. I’m lucky if I can make sure my shoes match each other, let alone the belt, necklace and scarf. So find one thing and do it well. I had a brown scarf that mixed well with my brown maternity sweater and I found myself wearing it anytime I needed to look “nice.” And 98% of the time the complements flowed. But too much bling just says “I’m trying to hard to cover up the fact that I’m old and a mom now”.

4. When you leave the house, put on pants with a zipper. REALLY. Because when you start to let yourself go, you can justify anything (I believe the only exemptions for this rule might be a trip to the gym. But if you’re a rule-driven person, there’s nothing wrong with sticking with it and changing into workout clothes once you get there). We all know our internal tendencies to slide on the jammie pants as soon as the front door shuts, no matter if it’s only 3 pm (even my dad admitted to this!). But when you make a trip out – even a walk around the block – make the effort for at least a denim upgrade from your comfy pants. If you really don’t want to feel constrained, a good back door is the cute, but elastic-waisted, skirt.

5. Know what true beauty is. When you expect to wear a hip outfit, immaculate makeup and a put-together hair style, you might just be setting yourself up for failure. But dressing for the public eye with at least a slick of lip gloss and pulling the greasy strands off your face does wonders for confidence. Let that “glow” of motherhood do the work for you. This is really just about the attempt to enhance your natural beauty – going too far will just cover up what God created and has already called “good.”

**I have some pretty hip friends… I’d be curious to know what rules they live by to maintain their hip-factor.