Year: 2012 (Page 37 of 51)

there’s a Jesus in my yoga

Thanks to my husband’s generous employer, I participate in a weekly yoga practice (some sessions twice a week!) downtown. I absolutely adore the teacher and have benefited on several tiers in terms of personal health. I’ve practiced yoga on my own over the years, or with others who had some knowledge of postures, but this is my first experience with a trained professional (and it makes a difference, I must add). 

Over the years I’ve discovered that a sector of the Christian population tends to shy away from the idea, scared it might let the devil in or something. I suppose I understand the reasoning – that its roots lie in another religious practice, namely Hinduism – and articles from both the Hindi and the Christian side can argue against a crossover (google “yoga and religion” and sit back with buggy eyes). 
I’m a huge advocate that spirituality and faith is not simply a heart or mind condition; it’s something that involves one’s entire being. Following Jesus isn’t just about what I think or feel, but it contains also what I eat and how I treat my body, among other things. So I’m not convinced that I can just “turn off” my faith for an hour or so while I twist into a pretzel. But, (much to this writer’s chagrin), I also won’t leave donning a Bindi.

Instead, I choose to take the wisdom and understanding from the practice and see how it can strengthen my own framework, which is (largely, I hope) built around Jesus. Though Jesus himself had access to all truth, I’m not convinced his followers have had a corner on that market, so perhaps an open mind might help us connect our own dots. Which is exactly what happened on Thursday. 
Our practice contained a large amount of twisting and turning, stirring up the insides and opening up the chest. At its conclusion, as always, we ended in shavasana (pronounced in our class “shibasa” but when I googled “corpse pose” this is the spelling wiki provided. And wiki is always right, right?). Corpse pose says it all: laying flat on the ground, eyes closed, releasing tension throughout the body, quieting the mind. I remembered that I’d learned before that this pose is where “the true work of yoga is done” (I think this came from my yogoamazing podcasts. Free, but a warning: he is a tad fruity.)
I began to chew on the fact that the act of ending work with a period of rest in order to make the work fully effective is a shared idea across the two beliefs. In the pose the body switches to a anabolic state of being, when organ and muscle repair happen, as opposed to our normal catabolic state (thank you wiki!). All of the work we did for 50 minutes may amount to nothing if we don’t give the body a chance to absorb it, to wallow in the change that is happening within. 
And so it goes with the end of our week. We work, toil, sweat and labor (even if by sitting at a desk) all week. We might even see progress. We might meet the end (or perhaps just the middle) of our to-do list. So rarely do I hear about people getting ahead, but many find victory in simply keeping up the pace. 
But the truth of the matter is that none of it will last if we don’t take a Sabbath break. If we don’t rest and allow the change to work itself through us. It’s a basic principle of nature: rest is required. Runners are fully aware – they mandate regular rest throughout marathon training. Even bears at the zoo operate with a similar law of nature (a fantastic teaching by Ruth Haley Barton includes this tidbit). 
At its base, in both the practice of yoga and in a life following Jesus, this fundamental truth will save us. We cannot do it all. Change cannot be mandated, only invited. “Like fruit in a vineyard, these gifts appear…” It is in the stopping, the resting, the simmering, that the best work is done in us. Grace doesn’t force herself upon helpless victims; she awaits an open door. And her presence transforms us. 
I’m hoping that tomorrow she arrives early and stays all day. 

the church, the steeple, the people

As of late, this is largely how I’ve begun to feel within the churchy world.  So Rachel Held Evans’ post this week about Why I left the church struck a chord; though I’m not contemplating going anywhere, I resonated with her frustrations. 

Instead of withdrawing, I’ve made the decision engage further; I know the situation isn’t perfect, but I’m not waiting on perfection. As KLR likes to say, I want to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem. We’ve found a group of people who seem genuine, kind and welcoming. There’s an organic feel to the church. When you meet in the banquet room of a shanty hotel, you’re really dependent on welcoming others with your people, not your facilities or programs. I like that. 
But, much like Evans has found, sticking around can be exhausting. I sometimes feel like I’m stuffing my emotions under, or even living a double life. I’ve started to participate in the youth ministry and enjoy it to the hilt – it’s like my ministry blood has started flowing again, energizing my limbs that I never knew were sleeping. Talking to the girls, even playing silly games, fits like my Reef sandals on the first day of Spring. 
But returning to something offers a viewpoint of how much has changed, namely: Me. I flinched when the leader used the word “saved” in a talk. Why? I have no idea. We talked about how to have a quiet time, a discipline I love and depend on, a morning ritual that has become my main outlet of peace in tumultuous life. So while I love passing on the knowledge and skills of spending time with God, I’m saddened when it comes across to students as yet another thing to do, another way that proves they’re not enough when they don’t follow through on their goals to become more diligent. Hearing the girls’ frustrations and fears made me want to cuddle them up and say, “But God loves you and this doesn’t define your life with God.” But I was afraid they wouldn’t let me come back next week. 
My view of God and the Church evolved a lot over the past 5 years or so. I feel like it’s roomier, and I’ve allowed some boundaries of belief to become a bit more of a semi-permeable membrane as opposed to a stone fence. I’m okay with it; my relationship with God has flourished, as opposed to floundered, because of it. 
But in becoming more internally spacious, I feel a bit crammed into the larger context of Christian subculture. Like I’m trying to wedge myself in, shoulder first. I want to be a part. But sometimes I feel like there’s just not room at the table. 
I’m not asking that people agree. I’m not looking for people just like me; I’m looking for people who accept and respect me if I disagree. I’m looking for a faith family that loves us all because of – not in spite of – differences. 

your judgmental tone is so loud I can’t hear a word you’re saying

Much like H Boy only seemed to sprout new teeth over holidays, Baby C seems to conjure some sort of issue at the most inopportune times. The weekend I take all three to my folks while my sister arrives as solo parent as well? New teeth. The night before I have to fly to Rhode Island and back (leaving at 5am and returning at 11:30pm thanks to a 3 hour delay in DC)? An unshakable fever. For 3 days straight the girl was hot to the touch and getting hotter. 

As I posted on FB, I decided to play to the mom guilt and take her to the doc – 3 days and 104 were my limits. However, I was fully prepared to get the “it’s a virus, plenty of fluids, dose up on the Tylenol” schpiel. But instead, doc said that it was likely some sort of infection, be it sinus (she was drippy), ear or even urinary tract, and prescribed a antibiotic. 
It’s no secret I’m not a lover of the pharma industry or its sway on the medical community. Apprehensive is the friendly term I’d use for my response. I asked a few questions, as I think all patients should, including “so you don’t think it’s a virus?” But the doc felt pretty strongly that an antibiotic was needed as the fever was too high (agreed) and had been there for too long (agreed). 
He looked through her charts and noticed that she’s not up-to-date on her vaccinations (read: hasn’t had any). I think I saw the “you’re one of those” light come on and then he threw in, “if you don’t want to do the antibiotic then we’ll have to go down to Children’s and do a full panel workup to find out what’s causing it.” 
I hate fearmongering. Especially to moms, who live and sleep the “what if I would’ve” game. It’s not a fair card to play simply because you’re wearing a white coat. They gave us a dose of baby Motrin (right there at the office because I’m sure he was convinced I wouldn’t do it on my own, even though I told him we’d been doing Tylenol for the past 2 days) and asked me point blank if I was going to get it filled. 
I left upset and frustrated. I felt bullied, backed into a corner. I stopped in to my chiro’s office (they share a building. Weird, eh?) and though she wasn’t available, I chatted with the receptionist, who I adore, and she made me feel a bit better. Later she called and said that Dr. A agreed and the antibiotics were the best route at this point. 
I came home sorting through my frustrations. It wasn’t that the doctor prescribed an antibiotic; it’s that I felt he didn’t want to listen to a single concern I had. Because truth be told, I was willing to give her the medicine – I just wanted to talk through all options. And honestly, I would be satisfied with an “I don’t know how it might affect X, but I really think that it’s a secondary concern to the high fever.” That’s a fair answer. But in my situation, I was being treated like it wasn’t even a fair question.  
I think perhaps the larger Christian community could learn a little something from my doctor. Perhaps we should know when to prescribe and when to listen. When to air concerns and when to say, “I hear you, but I think at this point, that’s a secondary concern.” (*Note: this means later addressing secondary concerns as true concerns, not just gloating about how you were right about the primary issue.)
In the end, the doctor was right. The antibiotics dropped her fever quickly and she was in good spirits this afternoon. I didn’t even have to give her a dose of Tylenol tonight. Does that make me want to call him up tomorrow and express how wrong I was and how glad I am that he whipped out the phrase “children’s hospital”? Not at all. I’m shopping for a new doctor. Because even though he’s right doesn’t mean he cares. Just because he can present true fact doesn’t mean I want to see him. 
 
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