Month: October 2010 (Page 4 of 5)

Just below the surface of Upper Sandusky lies an underground group of people who, I believe, will someday just up and leave on September 30th to fly to some Caribbean island, only to return after the safety of November holds them in its arms. Though surviving is involved, it would not be for a million dollar prize.

This weekend climaxes the October-hating for myself; just 5 years ago I experienced my first deep loss of someone other than a grandparent. You know, one of those who “wasn’t supposed to go just yet.” A character that puts truth behind the sentiment that the “good ones go young.” A cult following still misses her ability to breathe life into you through a brief conversation.

Because so many loved her, I didn’t mourn well. Her role as wife and mother took precedent; then came her hundreds of third-grade children and the teacher-friends beside her. She made a priority of her partners in crime, friendships formed early in her career and life in Upper who walked beside her through the regularness of life. I believe Anna has so many strong friendships because of the way her mother modeled it.

I was simply a youth director at her church, the third of which her daughter endured. She handed over the van keys without question and supplied a constant stream of Death by Chocolate and White Trash. When I moved to town she tried to set me up with a friendship with another recent college grad who was new to town; I must say her knack of helping people connect and feel included should be bottled and sold for steep price.

She influenced so many that I thought perhaps I was magnifying her significance in my own life. Little old me wouldn’t make her list of top 100 and our Sunday lunch gatherings probably lacked importance in her own personal formation.

But finally, I’ve decided: I don’t care. I don’t care that others loved her longer or saw her more frequently or knew more about her. She would tell me in her own words to “build a bridge and get over it”, that these levels of significance are my own way of shutting down and turning off rather than letting myself hurt and heal. It’s much easier to tell yourself that it “probably didn’t matter anyway” than it is to grieve.

Professionals say there’s a tendency to “perfect” those who have passed away- to only remember the good, to make them saints and forget their faults. But in Vanessa’s case, it was her acceptance of her own faults that made her so beautiful. She’d be the first to tell you that she loved to bake, but she didn’t cook. She gave me permission to not be perfect. One time I took a student on a retreat who was known to be a “problem”. She told me that he had caused her to cry every night for a year when she had him in the third grade. She gave me permission to know that loving a student isn’t easy and sometimes takes everything out of you.

She provided me the foundations of what I believe to be true about being a wife and mother; she once said, the most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother. She told me that the week after I got engaged. So I married a man who personifies that piece of advice.

If I really want to honor her, I’ll acknowledge that her presence had meaning in my life. I’ll put myself in the place of privilege and say she changed me. I’ll give myself the gift of being a brighter light for having known Vanessa.

Time for another logging of the excitement that exudes from this household. Ladies first.

Miss M

• What a sitter. A little weebeley-wobbeley at times, but on the whole she likes this upright thing. Which means…
• Food is in our future. What?! Can it be that time already? Super pioneer mom has been putting back this season’s apples and pears in anticipation of future fruit consumption. I think, because it’s in season, either squash or pumpkin will be her first go. However, I  need to buy more ice cube trays before the food making commences as I threw them out in a fit of rage last year after i couldn’t get the green beans out. They  may or may not have been frozen in there for a matter of months, forgotten once H had the tactile skills of self feeding. 
• Belly laughing. And she finds lots of things funny – mom’s string on the hoodie, anything big brother does, and a tickle on the tummy. 
• Once again, dad’s the favorite as she’s starting a bit more babbling – dadadada, gagaga, gooooo. Music to a mama’s ears. 
• Due to the large numbers of books we’ve been reading, Miss M is also a fan. She likes to help turn the page and touch all the pictures. 

H-Boy

• Read, read, read. It seems that’s all we do. I know I shouldn’t complain, but the boy can recite Hop on Pop. Also in the running for favorites is Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. All the time he’s patting the couch beside him “mommy? mommy? booook?” He doesn’t understand that mommy has facebooking to do.
• Lots of words!!! We’re getting good at naming food (at least he has priorities). Pumpkin (“umpkin”), apple (which also refers to oranges), toast, tea, juice, pepper, yogurt, milk, burger, and snack. 
• We can identify things by sounds now- the other day we were in his room and there was construction happening down the street and he told me it was a tractor. WOW! Also, drove by an airplane and he did “aaahhhh” which is the learning to listen sound associated with airplane. 
• Animals are a big favorite and we went to get our chickens yesterday. He really wanted to go in the barn with the Moooo, but we weren’t invited. Perhaps next trip. 
• We’re working on our polite words – please, help, open, close, etc. Not just the sign, but the word. We’re getting there. He can do up and down, so that gives us an inclination of where he wants to go.
• He helped daddy carve a pumpkin. Daddy did the carving, H did the “cleaning” out with a spoon. 
• We’ve been doing lots of running, jumping, dancing and arm flapping as well. The arm flapping was daddy’s skill addition. Mommy taught him a few moves, including a nice spin.
• Favorite foods: fruit (always), raisins, toasted almonds, crackers, and anything that mom or dad are eating in front of him. 
• Loves to: brush his teeth, stand in front of the potty with no pants on (won’t sit… unless clothed), put in his “ears”, put on and take off shoes, wrestle with the dogs, give sissy toys and talk to her when they’re in car seats. Also, sorting crayons and doing puzzles. 
• I’m starting to see the emergence of imagination as he begins some building. He’ll take all the couch pillows and blankets to the stairs and arrange them “just so”. Then there’s lots of navigating steps as he really doesn’t like his masterpiece messed with. 

Well, I’ve got 2 sleeping and some grocery shopping to do. I can’t let an opportunity for a shower pass me by! 

It seems every week facebook offers a new cause to support via status update. I’m not sure how exactly new money gets funneled into cancer research or preventing teenagers from falling into a deep fryer, but people proudly support their moms, cats and loved ones in the chain letters of facebook.
Today I noticed a few friends who sported: NAME is a straight ally and today is National Coming Out Day. I’m coming out for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality because it’s 2010 and almost 90% of LGBT youth experience harassment in school, and too many lives have been lost. Donate your status and join me by clicking here:
I almost reposted. Or shared. Or liked. Or whatever the facebook version of retweet might be. And I’m nothing close to a gay-rights activist. Or even a passive participant in the sexual orientation conversation. I’m pretty anopinionated (isn’t that the state of being without opinion? And what’s with me making up all kinds of words and phrases today?).
However, these support statuses came on the heels of last week’s Glee (and apparently, as a show, you either love or hate it) which broached the topic of faith and spirituality but slid in the homosexuality card. One of the characters, Kurt, a self-proclaimed atheist (who I believe technically would fall under the umbrella of agnostic, but the one who makes up words shouldn’t get all pointy-pointy) states that he has difficulty believing in a god who would make him gay and then make him endure the criticisms of Christians who torment him for being that way. That, on top of his mother dying at a young age. 
I hate that when opportunity for dialogue arises, conversation immediately turns there. Have we not made any impression on the world beyond this topic? But a wise person listens to his critic to make sure there is no validity in his argument. 
I appreciated that Glee gave us a story, a person. We wanted Kurt to have his dad back. We wanted Kurt to feel loved and supported. Maybe some of us even wanted Kurt to know that Jesus wept. And a story takes it from “how do you feel about homosexuality” to “how can we help Kurt?” 
I almost re-whatevered my status not because this particular issue lies close to my heart, but because I want to rage against it being an issue.
They’re not issues, they’re people. 
No person deserves to be bullied or ridiculed because they experience love. I don’t care what side of the fence you land on with the born-that-way vs. choice, sin vs. not sin, and clergy-ordaining issues. If you’re one who follows Jesus, then our first instinct should be to realize that any person is worth protecting simply because they’re human. Take your choice of Matt, Mark, Luke or John and you’ll see Jesus do that every time.
Oh, now, stop with your she-thinks-you-can-do-anything-so-what-about-sin? thoughts. Why immediately go there? Why immediately protect your issue rather than living in the reality of a real person? Please don’t contribute to the case for  shows to portray Christians as less-than-loving. Don’t be scared to be wrong.
Now, Finn’s later turning from the faith of grilled cheesus gives fodder for future discussion, but let’s save that for another day… that’s a whole new chapter to read.