Year: 2009 (Page 11 of 32)

i do enjoy sundays. however, today i decided i need a new rule: no shopping on sundays. i know it’s a sabbath prohibition and now i see why God would want meijer to close on sundays: it’s exhausting. last week i made a target run and this week we were out of about everything, so i end up driving a cart. and i decided that i don’t like it.

i think it’s mostly because it takes me out of the house and away from time with the fam. yes, H was napping and jj was doing homework, but i’m still not able to enjoy their simple presence. i instead have to argue with the cashier about the price of blocks of cheese. that’s just not fun. so, because i’m rule-driven and function better with clear guidelines and expectations, i shall not grocery shop on sundays. a quick stop at greatscot for a needed ingredient is permissable.

when i came home the boy and i went for a long walk, which was enjoyable. i got to catch up with one of my “kids” for a bit. after the little one’s dinner and bath (got the new shower curtain hung – finally!), i started working on the makings for chili. i like to use all fresh stuff in mine, so it requires a lot of chopping – onion, tomato, green pepper, garlic… jj will add the beef tomorrow and let it simmer all day. mmmm. over the past several weeks i haven’t been cooking much, and i have missed good food. there for a bit i only craved food i didn’t prepare, aka lots of eating out. this is much too expensive, unhealthy and just a general way of life that i don’t really like, so i’m glad i’m back to chopping veggies. i think a lasagne and some broccoli cheddar soup is on the books for later this week (now with kristy’s instruction i SHALL conquer that roux!). not to mention a birthday dinner at red lobster.

so, that’s about it. maybe i’ll be back up to 100% soon and able to make some cookies before halloween – or at least some fall goodies, like pumpkin or spice cookies. it’s good to have goals.

happy sunday to you all, as well.

i’ve not been sleeping well the past few nights… we received some sad/disturbing/shocking news that family friends of ours have been dealing with some tough circumstances. i hate to divulge information that is not mine to share… the long of the short of it, a woman who I’ve always thought a wonderful wife and mother, left her family abruptly.

it’s caused all kinds of emotions in me. i’m extremely sad for the kids, who are all young adults or nearly that status. they’re mature and grounded individuals (probably the most wise for their age, at all stages i’ve known them, of any kids i’ve worked with). thankfully they also have a strong support system. but still… the thoughts and emotions that go with such events would have to be overwhelming. i’m praying that the devil doesn’t get a foothold in this.

so other than the emotion i feel for the kids (despite their age, they’ll always be my “kids”, even if they don’t want to be “mine” anymore), i’ve been largely affected by by fear. i don’t think anyone really knows why this happened, what would cause such action to be taken. and that’s scary for me. how do i know that i would never do such a thing? i don’t. i’m not so sure that there’s too much difference between miss c and I. i’m not more “moral” than her. i definately don’t have a stronger faith. and she has loved her family with a strength and an intensity that would never raise a doubt. and though she’s done something very upsetting, it hasn’t negated the person she has always been.

when i was engaged to be married i remember telling a friend that marriage scared me simply because it put me in the pool of people that would be eligible for divorce. by remining single you can ensure that you won’t endure that pain. but by taking the step of marriage, it put you “at risk” for divorce pain. and i had similar understanding: no one walks into marriage with the intention of divorce. my fear was the same: what makes me think i’m any different?

nothing. i’m not any different. but i do hope that my knowledge and awareness of my same-ness will provide some prevention. by knowing the dangers that *could* lie ahead, by watching the difficulties of others and trying to be wise in safeguarding myself from that temptation, maybe – just maybe – i’ll have a chance. maybe i’ll be quicker to communiate fears, to make small changes when unhappieness creeps in.

i’m not saying that people don’t have the chance to make better decisions; i’m not trying to be fatalist and say that this just “happens” to some people. we don’t just one day find ourselves in divorce court or in someone else’s arms – day by day, decision by decision, we become the people we want to be. as don miller says, we write our own stories. but if there’s a skill i have, it lies in my ability to justify anything. so day by day and decision by decision i could justify away the choices i make, good or bad.

i’ve been thinking a lot about the story i’m writing with my life, the message it sends others, its ability to engage and encourage and inspire others. i see a lot of room for growth. i wonder if miss c ever thought the same thing? i wonder if she felt like she could change the direction of the story. i wonder what about her story made her unhappy. i have all kinds of quesitons. and i don’t think that i actually need the answers (that would just satisfy curiosity – not actually help me). i think i just need to ask myself the questions.