Month: February 2014 (Page 2 of 4)

From Hard to Habit

February 21, 2014 / Michele Minehart

I made Mongolian Beef and Broccoli for dinner the other night. Not that you should throw me a parade, but it’s a great dish – one of JJ’s favorites.

When I first discovered the dish, it was delicious but challenging. It took 4 or more pans. 2 cutting boards. A few prep bowls. The timing was atrocious.

Now, the meal fits into our regular rotation and doesn’t make me flinch. I start the rice plenty early. I start the sauce and let it simmer, then chop the veggies before slicing the meat (and we’ve discovered that chicken is just as good as beef, though it’s a great recipe for using up some sub-par cuts). You steam the broccoli, not cook it until it’s mushy.

As I reflected on my ability to make the dish nearly without recipe, I realized that it wasn’t hard, it was unfamiliar. Unknown. Scary. I stepped lightly because I wasn’t sure of the ramifications of making a mistake.

I find something similar when I run a new course: it takes forever. I’m thinking and second-guessing the entire way. After a few times, the time seems to fly. I can tell exactly how up or down I am on time by passing certain markers.

Thus is life. We enter new stages, phases, places and experiences with apprehension. Getting adjusted sometimes seems hard, but what if we start believing it’s not hard – it’s new. Once it becomes habit, it’s actually pretty enjoyable.

We should give ourselves a bit more permission. Remember it’s new shoes are rarely comfortable to start – you have to break them in first. New jobs, new friendships, new ministries, new children, new schools – it might seem hard. But add it to your rotation and it might become familiar and even second nature.

Bonus track: Mongolian Beef & Broccoli
Sauce:
Saute in oil 4 cloves of garlic, minced + 1 tsp (fresh!) ginger, minced for a few minutes. Add:
2/3 cup soy sauce
2/3 cup water
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp. red pepper flakes
3 tbsp. arrowroot powder or corn starch
Bring to a boil, then simmer – stir frequently.

Cut meat (any steak, thin-cut roast or even chicken pieces. We’re trying to reduce meat consumption, but there’s enough sauce for 3 breasts or one large steak) into strips or bites and saute until cooked through.
Add sauce and 2 heads broccoli (chopped) and 1 can water chestnuts. Cover and steam until broccoli is bight green.
Serve over rice.
Feeds our family of 5.5

Pushed down

February 18, 2014 / Michele Minehart

I’m pretty sure Miss M just pushed Baby M off the bed. It made my heart sad.

Sad because she did it. Why would she think about doing such a thing? She’s not a malicious person. But no matter how much good is in there, we all have that root of selfish thinking that seems to come over us from time to time.

Sad because she didn’t tell the truth. I asked her, letting her know I value honesty over all things and she wouldn’t be punished if she would tell the truth. She said she didn’t. Guaranteed forgiveness wasn’t enough to make her own up to her shortcomings.

Sad because she didn’t show remorse. She watched carefully from the bed, but once he was safely in his own crib, she was ready to move on. She feigned what seemed like concern but then went about her business, troubled by selecting her book before her nap.

Sad because she didn’t want to make it right. She wanted to move on, get over it, to stop thinking on such pesky things like the way others are hurt by her actions.

I hurt for both of my children now. I hurt for the one who suffered from the decisions of others. I hurt for the other child whose hard heart troubled her too little.

She’s not malicious, evil or unkind. But she did an unthoughtful and inconsiderate act, for which someone else had to bear pain. I want healing for both of these children in such different ways.

What a glimpse of God’s view of his children. How cruel we can be, unintentionally or not. And how He loves us all, cares for us all, wants change for us all in different ways. We’re hurting and we’re hurting one another.

Perhaps it’s time to stop. To tell the truth about the way we treat others – when we tend to use and abuse when the systems let us. We don’t always consider others, or the ramifications of our actions and the effects on others. Truthfully, we’re not always nice.

Perhaps it’s time to show some remorse. Not a moment of pity, but allow it to sink deep within our souls: when other people hurt, perhaps we should change our ways.

Perhaps it’s time to make it right. Stop getting over it. Stop allowing suffering to fade into the background. Stop getting about our day with our selections of what makes us happy while others still cry.

Ruining Magical Holidays since 2008

February 14, 2014 / Michele Minehart

In case I’ve ever given you any reason to believe I’m one of those really good moms, allow me to pull back the curtain. I kinda suck.

Not in a hurt-my-child or they-never-have-clean clothes kind of way. No, I care for my children, but on occasions that other (read: good) moms use for fun and celebration and magic, I use to teach a lesson. Usually in ways convenient to my agenda.

We started the valentine’s-making way back at the beginning of the week because I know me and how I suck. I assisted by cutting the coffee filters into a heart but wouldn’t you know we don’t have any markers. So they were stuck with plain old crayons to decorate, and H-boy declared he could do his own cutting of hearts and opted for the thin, grayish, highly-recycled paper we had on hand. Gorgeous, I’m telling you. Just gorgeous.

Yesterday we went another round of valentine-decorating. Miss M had laid out her special ones and named the friends she wished to give them. She had a whole stack so I worried little about needing to write names on each one. H-boy was writing them out to his friends (and their siblings, because that’s what he does). But by the time we boarded the minivan this morning it was clear that neither had finished their valentine-making. The boy, especially.

The pile of unfinished, unimpressive homemade valentines. Go me.

I decided not to care. I felt some guilt as Miss M put them in some boxes and not others, despite the teacher’s gracious supply of a class list. But I decided that the kids without one from her would never know the difference.

The whole cluster made me reflect on the holiday practices and what we teach our children. The day celebrates love and showing affection, but we do this by buying little cards and writing names on them. And we insist the kids make one for every single person lest someone feel left out – I get that. I don’t want my kid to be the only one not getting cards.

On the other hand, is it really love? Or are we teaching them how to give tokens of purchased affection because “that’s what we do” and provide yet another holiday to flood their little bloodstreams with sugar? To me, that seems to take away the magic of a day created to focus us on love and adoration. We can’t possibly love 20 people with deep and equal adoration, so perhaps giving to the 19 might be hindering us from honoring the one.

While I love the discipline side of the practice – having him sit down and write out the names and give attention to the act will eventually grow in him a love and appreciation, or so the thought goes – I’m hesitant to force it upon him. What if he only wants to give 3 valentines? Why is that wrong? He’s a boy that loves fiercely to those closest to him – but it may take a while to reach that inner circle. I don’t want to instill the value of rote, thoughtless practice but rather cultivate a heart that desires to show affection. Forcing him to show affection to someone he doesn’t authentically love seems to be a step in the wrong direction, especially for this boy.

I vow to all my kindergarten and elementary teacher friends, I’ll get on the ball before it becomes an issue of hurting feelings. I don’t need to be that mom all the time. But if we’re going to celebrate love, I want them to truly love, from their centers and with their actions, not just with their names scribbled on cards.

***

Epilogue

At lunch I decided to capitalize on opportunity. I had read an article about the roots of St. Valentine’s day, how the great saint had healed the enemy’s daughter before his beheading. I told the kids of the man, Saint Valentine and how we named the day after him because he was kind to people who were not kind to him. We talked about loving people who don’t always love us and being nice to people who might not be nice to us.

I asked if they had anyone that perhaps wasn’t always nice to them (and winced hoping they said no) – it turns out they feel like their siblings aren’t always kind or loving toward them. H Boy said, “but I love her anyway.” And my heart swelled.

Month: February 2014 (Page 2 of 4)

From Hard to Habit

Pushed down

Ruining Magical Holidays since 2008

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