I’m compiling a list of the ways I’ll make my fortune in life. I have lots of good ideas. Follow-thru I lack, but grandiose schemes? A specialty. The problem is lack of market. OR, not knowing where the market is (SharkTank would eat me alive for these things. This is why I cannot catch a break). So grandiose schemes probably falls to my number one potential means of gaining riches.
1. Grandiose schemes. If I partner with my cousins BRW and BLW, I’ll probably double my success rate (but decrease my share by 1/3. I can’t do the math quickly enough to know if a partnership would be advantageous. However, since I can’t do the math quickly enough, it would probably be in my best interest to bring on a partner that excels in math. Mr. Smith, if you’re reading this, the shortage of mathabilities comes from lack of motivation and attempt, not actual learned knowledge. I know slope has something to do with 1/2B something… niner…)
2. Rocking chair usability. Any chair designed for a nursery should also have a lever that will propel you out of said chair without waking a baby with a large jolt. Anyone who has physically had a baby knows those stomach muscles aren’t strong enough to lift both mom and baby from the chair without a thud that makes the baby think s/he’s being dropped. Also: a boppy tray function, like jr. high desks that the table can raise and lower.
3. Because I made 3 trips upstairs while typing this, I’ll add a go-go-gadget arm that attaches to the crib that will pat the baby’s tush with decreasing force. Not that I use a lot of force, but everyone knows you gradually lessen the pat until you just have your hand on the buns and then sneak away.
4. Hosery. Of the garden variety. I’ll create a garden hose that retracts WITHOUT KINKING with a push of a button, like a vacuum cleaner or iron cord. Those folk with the crank wheels think they have a corner on the market, but they don’t know just how lazy gardeners can be.
5. Invisible windshield wipers for eyeglasses. I came up with this one a long time ago (as I haven’t worn glasses for 5 years now, thanks to the beauty of lasik), and I stand by it’s functionality.
6. A card-playing table that seats at least 6 with legs in proper position that you don’t have to straddle them. Not that playing cards at the lake has inspired this one at all.
7. A binkie with non-harmful adhesive that sticks to the mouth of the baby. (Holy Wow, another trip upstairs!)
8. An iphone app for our public library. It could feed off my Amazon wishlist for maximum efficiency. Oooh… or a little button on the Amazon page that says “does my library have this?” that you can check when you first find the product. That would be nice as well.
9. I have other app ideas as well… one like a bookmark function for teachers to be able to mark sites/tools/videos for future lesson plans (which would piggy back off my market for a lesson planning software. You don’t just sell to someone once, you have to create a package opportunity!). Also, an app that integrates with Outlook and Google calendar that allows you to click on a blog page of the recipe you’re reading and add it to your calendar. This would make menu-planning a breeze and I’d actually TRY all those delicious recipes I find on Pinterest.
10. Facebook likes. Seriously. I think everyone should have to pay $5 to join FB and then each person gets a dividend when a person likes their status. Half-rate for a like on a comment on someone else’s status. I could make a fortune. I mean, I’m hilarious. (And I do great hair, right Karrie?)
I know what you’re thinking: posting my genius out there for the world to see is no way to make money. But I have the utmost confidence I would never have the follow through to do a single one of these things. So I’ll settle for bragging rights, when the idea does come about, to say “Yeah. [insert nose-wrinkled cocky nod*] I thought of that first. It’s actually my idea and they stole it.” I’ll be just like those 2 guys that sued Zuckerburg that no one ever remembers their names. Without a Harvard degree. Or millions of dollars. Just with good party stories.
That is, if I went to parties.
*Double word score if you just nodded your head while wrinkling your nose to try to imagine what I look like while doing this.