Yesterday at a visit to the midwife’s office (no fears, it’s not another baby, it was for that appointment) we talked about how things were going, how everyone is getting along, life with two children, blah blah blah. I told her how I quite enjoyed life and I was amazed at how smoothly it has went. And she says, “and you’re so laid back about it.” As I rehashed the story to KLR, she asked what the nurse over my shoulder looked like. Surely Bonnie couldn’t have been referring to THIS girl.

So, it turns out I may have missed my calling as an actress. I had her fooled by playing the part of calm, cool and collected.  And in fact this is the first I’ve ever heard reference made to me being a bit, ahem, dramatic. I guess the STAR Players don’t know what they’re missing.

It made me think about my career pathing. I never knew how that first job out of college played an important role in getting you a career in the field in which you were trained. Instead, I became Vice President of the Not Using My College Degree club (KLR was president because she had 2 degrees that sh did not use… I may demand a recount now that I have a second degree that is not currently being utilized for a paid position). Then I moved onto yet another position nowhere near the land of journalism. But let it be said, I’ve enjoyed both of these positions.

So, now that I’ve been blacklisted from the journalism and professional public relations world, I’ve created a list of the careers that perhaps I should now seek out. I can feel freedom to venture into far off lands of positions that suit me perfectly.

1. Head lettuce-tearer at any given salad bar. I owe gratitude to my Grandma Mary for this one, she always wanted it as a retirement job, thus now I seem to have an appreciation for proportionately trimmed lettuce.
2. Office organizer. At any office. Not that I want to work schedules or answer phones or anything of that [practical] nature. I just want to make sure the stapler is correctly placed to the left and slightly above the copier as it’s supposed to be. This position would also afford me the luxury of wondering the office supply aisle of Target and indulging on someone else’s dime.
3. On the side , I would contract out as a kitchen cupboard organizer. My specialty would be move ins. Is there any glee greater than that of efficient spice placement? And how will they know the potholders must be placed in the drawer to the direct right of the oven if someone does not tell them?
4. Office information disseminator. Who has time to keep up on what’s happening with their coworkers? And who even reads the company newsletter? Allow me to station myself at the coffee pot and chitter chatter with my colleagues. No worries, I’ll bring my own mug and creamer. Payroll will fall under “company morale”.
5. Speaking of offices and coffee, my next business venture will be the indoor doughnut cart, complete with decent coffee (read: name brand that doesn’t start with an F and end with an “olgers”) , seasonally themed creamers and a delectable assortment of sweet carbohydrates. I’d only come twice a week so customers would justify it as a “treat” and “splurge” from their “diet”. 

I shouldn’t really limit myself to these best options, they’re only the ones that readily come to mind. What did I miss? Where did you miss your calling?

Visit me elsewhere: