I knew it would happen… I just didn’t anticipate it would hit quite this soon. The itch for a new project.
Though there has been a great deal of effort on my part, I’m not the type that just enjoys each day as they come with disregard for the future. Don’t get me wrong – I soak in the moments and value the joy of small things, especially in staying with my little ones. I make a concerted effort to enjoy the present. But when you know me and my personality, it’s clear what I love most:
Goals.
Deadlines.
To-do lists.
Ideas.
Recently I had a goal – a vision, an idea – but it has since been all but dashed. And now I feel, once again, aimless.
Husband, the superman he is, continues to encourage me onward, but it’s lost the luster and zeal. Disappointment has a way of sucking the energy out of you, doesn’t it?
I read a fantastic book recently – This is not the Story You Think it Is. Overall, a fantastic read. It’s about not letting the things outside of your control drive your happiness (this, amid a marriage on the breaking point). She quotes a friend saying, “The only difference between being published and not being published is being published.” Ah, so true.
Do I want something new and shiny because of an inner drive and passion to do it, or because of some greater reason involving others and circumstances outside my control? Can I be who I’m called to be without a formal recognition of specific acts and visible proof?
This post is much too deep for a Wednesday morning. And sorry about the cryptic nature of “things” and “ideas” – but I’m not ready to fully share. I need my own opinion before I can take on others’.