Month: August 2010 (Page 2 of 3)

Lady friends

If someone were to try and gather all the women in the country and have feminist convention on the left and a more “traditionalist” convention on the right, I would probably decide which doors to pass through based upon the menu – who had the best desert. Or swag. I’ll join anyone’s club for a free piece of published material. I’ve never been real partial to either group and will generally find stance opposing the current conversation partner simply to keep it interesting. I used to sit much further to one side, but exposure to multiple voices has led me to be a very content fence sitter.

A recent read plus life situations has really led me to a new appreciation of these voices. I’ve been raised in an era where girls can sing “anything you can do I can do better…” without a lot of fear of criticism. At least, I have. The ladies of my time have been told we can do anything we want to. Many have. I’m sure that had I wanted to enlist in the military, my lack of phallic organ would not have been the first reason people tried to sway me away; it would likely have something to do with my unhealthy relationship with comfy pants and facebook or my dislike for people yelling at me. But I’ve not encountered anything really being off-limits due to my femininity.

This all came at the cost of the generations of women who have been told the very opposite message than mine.  I once sat through a UM Polity class focused on “women in the ministry.” I was asked if I wanted to be a part of the panel, but felt I had nothing to really contribute. It was a good decision – the stories that the many other women shared offered so much perspective. They provided the narrative so that I could really understand the freedoms I have today and how they came to be.

Recently I read a book that, combined with my current situations, has also brought a lot of appreciation to my current Beautiful Struggle. I stumbled upon Not Becoming My Mother, in which the author tells the story of her mother and the way the author was shaped by her mother’s shortcomings and failures. It’s a quick little read (I’m positive my cousin EW could finish it in the time I skim through People Magazine) and I highly recommend it. I felt like I was reading the diary of several women I know (probably because the book was structured after the author’s mother’s diary. Fancy that coincidence).

The book starts out talking about the era of many bright, intelligent, motivated and talented women who spent most of their lives bored to death because they weren’t to work unless the husband was unable to provide (and what husband wants that to get out?). Many enjoyed exciting careers until marriage when they “settled down” to tend to the home. The author’s mother gave into so many of these expectations, putting aside aspirations of medical school in exchange for her own mother’s desires for a ph.d in music. She married, had children and became equally miserable and atrocious at the homemaking. She longed for thoughtful conversation and greater purpose. In the end, the author could vocalize her own appreciation for her mother, that her mother’s misery had led her not to simply accept what was expected and to explore her own route.

As our babysitter recently retired (it sounds so sharp to say “quit” and we’re on much better terms than what that might indicate), I find myself dancing between two circles. On the one side I hear the voices of the women who long for meaningful conversation and purpose, to be a mother but also to be “more” than that alone. I feel that a particular friend has really found her happy groove with a recent promotion, and she does this with a congruent happy and healthy relationship with her little girl – she’s a fantastic mother. So many times I think, “I want that. I could have that.”  On the other side, I hear the inner voice reminding me how I want to be the one to help H overcome his hitting stage, how I desire to nurse M until she’s older, how I want to be a part of my childrens’ days and not just bedtimes.

It’s a difficult struggle, and I’m sure I’ll never find perfect resolution. The grass will always be greener. However, right now I can truly appreciate my freedom to struggle. For so many, there was never a question. There was never a decision to be made. Their struggle wasn’t an inner battle, trying to make the best decision based on all known factors; theirs was an outward struggle for the right to make the decision for themselves, with their families. So as I bounce back and forth, weighing all options, I will lift my morning cup of coffee to them who paved the way to a beautiful struggle. I’m fortunate today that I have such a difficult balance to maintain.

Status Update

Life has significantly changed since my last milestone marker post. For example:

  • JJ started his job at a school and has been gone every day. A regular paycheck will commence!
  • Our babysitter decided it was best if she not keep the kids once school starts (so….)
  • I am changing my availability to work one day a week and 2 evenings, thus preparing to stay home with the kids a majority of the time. Yowsers! 

I have more mental preparation to fully comprehend the implications of these changes, but the kids just keep on growing and developing day by day like always.

H Boy (21 months)

  • The two word phrases have started! Yesterday, when the dog pooped by the door, it was “doggy yucky” (so proud of him for staying in the garage while I cleaned up! I was scared he might decide to draw in it like he does his milk when he spills it on the high chair). Today was “baby night night” and “coffee hot”. Other words making a regular appearance in the vernacular: down, sissy, more (the word, not just the sign), car, truck, tractor, moo. And belly button (complete with a visual aide).
  • The other day he picked up an airplane and said, “aaagghhh” which is the Ling 6 sound we attached to it in his speech therapy. All unprovoked. My boy’s wicked smart. 
  • The other day he helped make breadcrumbs by breaking up the heels and tossing them in the cuisenart (he was far enough that he couldn’t reach the blade, no worries). Cooking remains one of his favorite extra-curriculars.
  • JUMPING. This kid can jump. His favorite way is from a carpet square onto the floor (a whole .5 inches) and into mommy or daddy’s lap. That cousin Jack has been quite the influence.
  • Oh, the joys of unprovoked kisses. Sometimes he’ll just crawl into your lap and give a smootch. THIS is why I’m a mom. 
  • And how can I not mention his prodigy-like accuracy and speed when throwing a ball? Cousin Charlie found that out the hard way (but, fortunately, was a good sport about it). 
  • He’s also been quite the super helper. He will throw anything away when asked. Sometimes when not asked. 

Miss M (4 months)

  • Oh, this girl’s a talker (I have NO idea where she gets it). Lots of cooing and cackling and oooohhhhh-ing. Sometimes when she’s supposed to be falling asleep…
  • She’s not a lazy girl, either. LOVES to sit up and stand up on your lap. Her and daddy like to play the sit-down-stand-up game. Oh, the smiles abound. 
  • She’s eating like crazy, growing like a weed. We’re well into the 3-6 month clothes. I think she might be amid a growth spurt currently as she’s now added a wake up time in the middle of the night, when she cannot be consoled without a snack. She made up for it today when she let me sleep until 7. I felt like a new woman! 
  • She’s getting to be a pro at getting her fingers or thumb in her mouth, except, to our dismay, when in the crib. We’re encouraging this. You don’t have to chase a finger down in the middle of the night when it drops from the mouth. 
  • Still only a weekly power poop. This week grandma M was the lucky target. Well, that and the exersaucer. I guess I should’ve warned grandma that if she’s like her mommy, that excer-anything will provoke a poo. Whoops, was that an overshare? 

JJ is starting to find his groove in the new job; there has been so much uncertainty surrounding what the job would entail and now he’s getting a feel for it. I still feel like this is quite a year for opportunity on his part, we just have to let it bloom. He’s not going to be coaching, but I’m sure we’ll be in attendance for a few games. His softball season has finally wrapped up, the house is painted and he feels quite accomplished. At least, I hope he does. That was quite a summer.

Give me another week or 2 and we’ll check back in about how I feel about this home-during-the-day thing. I think I’ll enlist the help of my early childhood friends and come up with some plans of things to do. Otherwise the 3 of us will just sit around in our jammies and wallow in filth because I’ll just think, “well, I could do that tomorrow.” I am really hoping that other opportunities could arise from the situation centered around the things I love to do the most. I think that will be dependent, again, on my motivation factor. And how well the kids nap at the same time.

Wanted

Young, fashionable dresser with strong retail shopping skills. Must be able to find jeans that appropriately fit my waist and butt. Ability to find & purchase shirts without writing on them that don’t scream “trying to hard” is a must. Limited budget available. Strong accessorizing skills required. Must have morning availability to pick out daily wardrobe with corresponding jewelry and shoes. Ideal candidate will value the balance of cute and comfort. Communication skills to provide both positive and negative feedback without hurting feelings or confidence is preferred. This is an entry-level opportunity with the hope that you will work yourself out of a job. Compensation, based on experience, will be in the form of baked goods. No phone calls please, online applications only.

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