Month: March 2010 (Page 1 of 4)

Today I started to train my replacement for when I go on maternity leave. He’s an absolutely great worker and I have 100% trust that the efforts I’ve put in the past 6 months will not be for waste. I actually used to share a cube wall with him and he wowed me with his skills in dealing with managers, so I’m pretty excited that I can leave my GY men in good hands.

That being said, it’s incredibly strange to begin the process of winding down and phasing out. When we’ve discussed the plan for Mike to fully integrate I felt… very… disposed? It’s strange to think that in a few weeks life will look very different. I’ll start the day with Matt Lauer and facebook instead of hiring managers and 80 slate emails. I’ll tell time based on a baby’s eating schedule and not my calls or meetings.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m super excited about a break from the rat race. I don’t want to be perceived as complain-y about the opportunity to stay home with my chilluns. I understand this is a gift, a privilege, and not a right. But if I’m to be honest – and that’s a goal of what I do on here – there’s some apprehension in my heart.

I’ve been living this busy worker bee life mostly because I had to. It turns out that the gas company does want paid, even if my hubby is a full-time student. Even after #1 was born and I anticipated returning only part time, I ended up with a 40-hour work week because it kept us out of debt. In the process, I was offered a gift: I found out that I was good at something. Yes! Me.

I’ve been placed on an awesome team of coworkers who have continued to build my confidence toward a task that I had no previous experience. The feedback I get is positive. While definately making mistakes along the way (say, like hiring a convicted felon that wasn’t eligible to be hired), I found out that on the whole, this position – this work – suited me. Or I it.

I think deep down there’s a terror that I won’t be as good at being an at-home mom as I am a CRM. I mean, honestly, I already know that there are areas of the mom job description where I’m lacking both skill and experience. This isn’t a self-deprecating comment – it’s an honest evaluation of what I know I have to offer the kids on a day-in and day-out basis.

I’m not silly. I don’t come up with imaginative games on the spot. I have no idea what kind of new activities will entertain easily or for long periods of time. Of all things, “play” is not my forte. And let’s not forget my extremely short rope of patience.

Thankfully I have the blessing of building in some variety. I’m lucky to have a job that I can return to in a true part-time role. I’m thinking of splitting my week, so just working 15-20 hours; a few days. This will combat the temptation to see time as mundane and also give me a chance to interact with people who use multi-syllable words. But at that capacity, gone will be my opportunity to do the type of work that I’m going to be leaving behind in a few short weeks.

So I think this is a bit fair for me to be saddened by my ousting, even if it is for good reason. When you like something, it’s disappointing to leave it, even when you’re looking forward to what you get in exchange. It’s not that one life is better or worse than the other, it’s just different. A different pace, a different skill set, a different return-on-investment.

Perhaps with an appropriate chance at “mourning”, if you will, I’ll be able then to fully anticipate and look forward to all that summer has in store for us as an entire family.

i’ve been reading, as of late, about writing and inspiration and life. it’s a non-fiction time of my life, i suppose. for some reason this has compelled me to compile a list of my favorite givers of perspective. in no particular order, other than first-to-memory:

1. anne lamott. she made it first because she’s my current read (Bird by Bird)
2. lauren winner. somehow her memoir Girl Meets God met me at a time in my life when i was quite needy for meeting God. she also jumpstarted my fettish for loving jewish culture & practice.
3. michael pollen. he fuels my love for talking and writing about food almost as much as good friends fuel my love for eating it.
4. donald miller. i loved blue like jazz. i continue to be memorized by a million miles in a thousand years and it’s ability to refocus my life story.
5. rob bell. i think he’s probably a more powerful presenter than writer, but he still communicates perspective and ideas that don’t belong in a velveeta box, and i appreciate that from a pastor – profusely. his book sex god is a must-read for anyone with a heart or a functioning sexual organ.
6. mark steele. i have read his first book flashbang: how i got over myself, repeatedly and still laugh aloud. it’s not just his way of seeing things, but his way of telling the story in a self-deprecating manner that i really appreciate.

well, those are my top. i’m sure some professional would tell me that lists need be an odd number much like elements of a centerpiece, but i’ll go with the “empty chair” approach and leave that 7th spot up for discussion so that i can be convinced otherwise. they say that 7 is a biblical number of “completion” and if my list were complete then i’d stop reading good books. may it never be! so that 7th spot will remain yet another quest in my life to fill. just another way i can invite conflict into my life and so tell a better story (more on that subject in a later post).

i’m also trying to come up with the criteria in which this list was composed. there was nothing standardized, but these authors / books frequently:
1. have been cited on this blog. multiple times.
2. were my offered solution to a friend’s problem (such as, “i was just reading about this the other day….”)
3. were purchased by yours truly (sometimes repeatedly), but none of the copies are currently on my shelves as they’ve been loaned out. because i keep recommending them. see #2.
4. were read more than once or i got it from the library only to purchase it later
5. causes me to exclaim with glee when i hear that s/he has something new out or, if i’m so lucky, when s/he is presenting within a 2 hour drive of my current location, i find a way to make myself a part of that situation.

a few things you should know:
1. i couldn’t name a single players’ name just 1 hour ago.
2. if you’re an alumni you do not fall into the “fair weather fan” category. there’s an exemption rule. section 8 line 7. i promise it’s there.
3. yes, i had enough faith to pick them in my bracket. it’s vanderbuilt that screwed me over.
4. tommy freemen’s cute in a geeky-athlete kind of way.
5. if i were fb friends with aaron craft, i’d ask him if he’s SURE he doesn’t want to reconsider which ohio school he goes to.