i hate that feeling of almost… i haven’t been able to blog much lately because apparently my skills at using a calendar are not quite adept. turns out i don’t preach next Sunday, but this Sunday. who knew? (well, tony, the pastor i’m filling in for, he did – but that’s a mute point).
so the sermon is coming along, many thanks to the lectionary for narrowing the options of what to preach on. I went with 2 samuel to continue what i knew tony started last week.
the research is done, thoughts are composed, and there are even words on paper (miracle!). but it’s not… quite… there. i wish i had words to describe the current status. it feels kinda like clark griswald trying to figure out which bulb is out. you keep trying to plug things in, but nope – that’s not what you’re looking for. and you have to be careful – like when trying to figure out what the soup needs just “a touch” more of, if you keep trying different ingredients you ruin the base completely. it takes a seasoned palatte (which, when looking at my preaching career, becomes clear that i do not posess).
is it “fine”? sure. does it have a point, is it truthful, is it biblical? yup. is it the message God has? i’m not so sure of that. i think there is something else to say that hasn’t made it to the page… and i suppose it’s time to shut up and listen for what that is.
there are 295 days until JJ graduates. not that i’m counting, but… well, I am. while the time that i have spent bringing home bacon has been beneficial for our entire household (and not just monetarily), i am ready to be done with that responsibility. JJ is ready to work in a job he loves and is trained well to do, and i’m ready to let him. so i have a game that i play and will continue to play for the next 295 days. it’s called “what will i do when…”
when a paycheck starts to arrive on a regular basis, for the same amount EVERY TIME, then i will be freed to do something i enjoy. not that i don’t sometimes enjoy my current job. i just posted about the stellar conversation i have with co-workers, and i enjoy visiting with several of them on a regular basis. i’ll probably keep on with my job there as a supplemental income and enjoy it a lot more when i don’t cry every wednesday morning (when the schedule is posted). i’m exaggerating. i haven’t cried over hours in a long time :). but when it becomes a “help” rather than a “have to”, such work is more enjoyable. i also know i’m just not built to be a SAHM all the time. so back to the game.
i think to myself, “how would i like to spend my days? how do i want to spend my time? what would i like to accomplish with my time here on earth?” oh, the canvas is vast. so i’ve started making a list. somehow, i hope that in 295 days that i have a way to stir these ingrediants into one delicious dish. getting paid for it would be an added bonus.
1. leisure coffee in the morning. not in a to go cup.
2. morning reading and reflection. learn something new or ponder something undiscovered or challenge myself to live larger by reading the wisdom of God & others.
3. learn interesting things, either through reading interesting books / articles or by talking to interesting people
4. process interesting facts and ask meaningful questions (1. what does that look like? 2. what would make this better? 3. what will i start doing / stop doing / do differently?)
5. share my interesting facts with others
6. make h (and all my kids) laugh or slap/clap hands in glee.
7. make food. preferrably what i’ve grown.
8. give attention to my health and make my body stronger.
9. talk to JJ about things beyond our kids and our schedule. kiss him.
10. tap into my creative outlet. generally i’m limited to writing, creating lessons or planning theme parties.
11. play. whiffle ball, ring around the rosies, shaka shaka shaka, hide the thimble, my father owns a grocery store – these are all acceptable avenues. made up games accepted as well.
12. talk to friends about more than my children and my schedule.
13. serve outside my home. i’m not sure what this looks like, but i’ve been getting the itch lately. i’m not sure how to prioritize this without overextending myself. also don’t want to justfiy what i currently do as fitting into this catagory. if there’s an itch, i know i need to scratch it with something more, but i’m still asking “what does that look like?”
14. keep the house slightly cleaner. this ranks at the bottom of the list (although this list is not in order) because i firmly believe that people with exceptionally neat houses are pretty boring (or rich enough to hire it out). but a few less cobwebs would be nice.
15. going to leave this spot open for when i come up with something else. or maybe i shouldn’t limit myself to 15 things…