Month: January 2009 (Page 2 of 2)

cold feet, cold heart?


henry is currently looking a little like this – bundled in sweats, blankets, and sitting on my lap to keep me warm. after an outrageous gas bill last month we’re trying to find ways to cut down on the thermostat… i am currently no more than 3 feet away from a ceramic heater and cannot feel my right hand. left hand is ok – it’s holding henry who is currently serving as my own personal heater. don’t worry, he’s staying plenty warm (i keep feeling his head to make sure).

so my toes feel a bit like my heart. my current quest is to be inspired. just haven’t felt that lately. maybe it’s the old “when you’re looking for it you can’t find it”, but i’d like some vitalization. we’re joining a new small group, i’m hoping that well help. but then again maybe it’s not just inspiration, it’s information. i miss learning. i want to go to school again. i want to have thoughtful conversations about all kinds of topics (which usually have no practical bearing on life at hand).

i think all this has been brought on by my change in life situation. when working for the church i was challenged to come up with creative ideas to engage people with what God was doing, saying and being. i loved coming up with ways to communicate that. then i went to work for a company that asks me to spend my time playing matchy with key words as i sort through resumes. i’m greatful for the job, don’t get me wrong – but it’s mindless, and i love using my mind. as well, with the arrival of henry, i spend a lot of time dealing with the primitave realities of life – eating, sleeping, pooping… i love the little guy, but again, he requires more of my patience than he does my intelligence. factor in that i love learning and haven’t been in class for over a year (and i’m green with jealousy that my husband gets to do it every day!).

so, maybe i’ll request a few books from the library. currently looking for: a brief history of everything (our library doesn’t have it!).

the grind

yesterday was my first day back to work. i had several people ask me how i was doing, being away from henry and all. it’s funny, i only worked a 4 hour shift, and i’ll only be working 12 hours this whole week… i’ll make it.
fortunately i had a bit of a trial run to see how i’d do with the separation when i went shopping with kristy on friday. i dealt with that ok (but it was crazy to see how much i could miss the little guy even in a matter of hours!).
someone asked me if i missed henry yesterday. well, of course. but i have to say that it wasn’t so much of missing henry as just preferring to be with him as opposed to my time with monster.com. being at work- with the people- i enjoyed. i like being with individuals who can communicate with more than squeeky sounds and who appreciate me for more than my ability to lactate. but then again, no one in my office gets so amused by dangling monkeys or flying sheep, which are highlights to a day with henry, and i did miss that.
i think it’s a matter of both. i enjoy being home because time with henry brings out my inner child, enjoying the simple things that engage my heart. my time at work brings out my inner (and mostly well hidden) adult, enjoying the complex things that engage my mind. well, when i’m not resume mining, that is :).
all in all, i’d have to say that if it works well, i’ll enjoy doing both. i won’t be working full time, but hopefully enough to give me responsibility.
and i must give a “praise Jesus, he really listens to your prayer!” – work just emailed that we now don’t need to work a minimum number of hours to qualify for health insurance! insurance woes have been the bain of our existance (we just got henry’s bill from Children’s and i gave a praise Jesus that we were insured!). with this goes my fret about getting at least 25 hours a week. i can now work just enough to pay our bills :).
i’ve done a lot of complaining about my employer in the recent history, but i can say with some surety that i do believe they really are looking out for their employees when they make policy like this. they watch out for the bottom line (what employer doesn’t?), and they do plenty of things i don’t agree with… but they have definately made a move to improve our relationship by offering this.

“… and all Jerusalem with him.”

This morning at Journey we covered quite a chapter of the realities of Jesus’ birth – the 3 wise men, Egypt, God coming to those who we wouldn’t expect… there was plenty to discuss. but i was stuck on v. 3 – “When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him.” I get the King Herod part – his civic authority was about to be challenged and he knew it. But Jerusalem? What message is Matthew trying to say here?

Thanks to that seminary edumacation i have some very heavy books and decided to put them to use (other than applying pressure to pet stains). Here’s what i’ve got.

First, according to my New Bible Dictionary, Jerusalem “frequently stand[s] for the body of citizens, the whole of Judah, the whole of Israel or the entire people of God.” Interesting. The following verse makes mention of the chief priests and teachers of the law, so i also wonder if “jerusalem” is making reference to that? I’m inclined to think so, because, according to the entry about pharisees, it seems that the pharisees, saducees and teachers of the law were the people with pull. Interestingly, the NBD author says “the traditional image of thr all-powerful legalistic Pharisee is manifestly incorrect. Claims that they controlled cultic practice are increadible and contradicted by the evidence. However, our sources do suggest a disproportionate influence on society… [sources] suggest that their influence was limited to the environs of Jerusalem.”

That’s enough research. Here are my thoughts. Why would Jerusalem, whoever Matthew is referring, be shaking in their booties at the thought of a coming Messiah? From what we’ve been taught, the Jewish people were watching and waiting for a Christ to come save them (and continue to do so today). Why would they be “disturbed”? (sorry, no time for Greek etymological research). Anxious? yes. Apprehensive? maybe. Fearful? sure. but disturbed in the same way that Herod was? i mean, Herod didn’t like the idea because of what he might loose. surely the People of God wouldn’t feel that, would they?

Would we- i mean they? (because in talking about others it’s much easier to remove similar notions from ourselves, right? ) The news that a Savior has been born, in the city of David nonetheless, and the people of God, whether it be the power-weilders or the whole of the nation, were disturbed.

Do we truly know the implications of the presence of a savior? Maybe to stretch it further – maybe there are things, places, ways of life that we don’t necessarily want to be “saved” from. It’s easy to point a misgiving finger at the chief priests and teachers of the law if we think about how they’d loose their position and influence (not to mention, i do believe i’ve heard that there was a faction of these folk who were pretty cozy with Rome, so political status is also in jeapordy… not at all an issue we face today *insert eyeroll* but that’s a whole other post).

If we’re really honest, aren’t there times when we think that life is much easier and more manageable if Jesus just stayed out of it? i mean, really, there are places in our lives that Jesus causes more “disturbance” than the other things like peace, hope and joy that we are regularly promised. Calling us to be more generous rather than selfish… forgive rather then hang on to grievences… give away parts of ourselves and allow others in rather than keeping closed and cold. None of that is easy. And we don’t want to deny the fact that so many of us unknowingly live with position and influence that, if taken away, would cause some discomfort as well.

This still seems like a hodgepodge of thoughts. But here’s where i’ve landed: through advent we’re continually asked “are you preparing for the coming of the savior?” now that Christmas is over and the baby was born, and as i read through passages like this, i ask: “am i accepting of the change this savior will bring?”

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